


The Musical Adventures of Destiel

by NaughtyLokiStories



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Castiel, Aftercare, Alternate Universe, Body Positive, Body Worship, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Chat rooms, Chubby Dean, Cock Cages, Cock Worship, Come Marking, Dean in Panties, Dean is Not Gay, Dean's First Time, Demon Dean, Dom Drop, Domestic Fluff, Fae & Fairies, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Gay Bar, Gentle Dom Castiel, Hand Jobs, Helpful Sam, Human Castiel, Kid Fic, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Pining Castiel, Pining Dean, Praise Kink, Shameless Smut, Shower Sharing, Sleepy Sex, Spanking, Stalking, Sub Dean, Top Castiel, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-23 06:12:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 54,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6107581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyLokiStories/pseuds/NaughtyLokiStories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's an amazing singer named Darren Hayes and almost 95% of his work makes for the perfect Destiel soundtrack. So, I thought I would write a bunch of mini fics inspired by his songs, ranging from his early days in Savage Garden, to his solo stuff, to his side project We are Smug. Fic summaries, ratings and songs will be listed for each chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Want You

**Author's Note:**

> Newly human Castiel can't stop think about Dean, and not knowing what to do about it, asks Dean for help; but Dean has his own secret he's dealing with. 
> 
> Rated T for language
> 
> Song: I Want You  
> Album: Savage Garden

Castiel closed his eyes, imagining Dean. Of course, he could go two doors down and see Dean, but he’d rather not. Ever since he showed up as a human at the bunker a month ago, Dean had been avoiding him. Castiel didn’t understand why, but he supposed Dean had his reasons, so he tried to respect that. Castiel thought becoming human would help him understand humanity more, but so far, that wasn’t the case.

For example, since becoming human, Castiel couldn’t stop thinking about Dean. Sure, he thought about Dean when he was an angel, but that was because the human was his charge. He had to look after Dean, make sure he was okay. But now - Castiel thought about him all the time! What was Dean’s favorite color? What was Dean’s favorite body part? What was Dean’s favorite soda? It was starting to get a little annoying, having Dean constantly on his mind and having limited contact with him.

He considered asking Sam about it. The younger Winchester had been more than helpful answering any human questions the fallen angel had. But, he decided against it. He didn’t want to offend Sam. Castiel didn’t really think about Sam, at least, not the same way he thought about Dean. So he decided to Google it - Why can’t I stop thinking about my best friend?

“You like them,” Castiel read out loud, scanning the page. “Well of course I like him, he’s my best friend,” the fallen angel reasoned. Maybe it was perfectly normal human behavior to constantly think about your best friend. It made Castiel happy, knowing he was becoming more human, like Dean. That was four days ago. 

Currently, Castiel was lying down on his bed, eyes closed, imagining Dean. Imagining Dean’s arms, Dean’s face, Dean’s lips. Imagining standing too close to him, breathing him in, being scolded about personal space. The fantasy made Castiel chuckle. What he wouldn’t give to hear Dean scold him again. Castiel sighed, he did like Dean. He liked Dean quite a bit… He missed Dean. He missed a man who was only two doors down from him. He missed Dean so much it hurt. This didn’t make any sense. Why did humans have to be so confusing? 

*****

Dean was back in Hell. No, Purgatory. Definitely Purgatory. Minus the terrible beasties. 

It all started a month ago, when Castiel showed up out of the blue on his doorstep as a human. He was rockin’ a beard and ill fitting clothes looking like a lost little puppy. It took Dean every ounce of self control not to pull the fallen angel into his arms and kiss him, promising Cas he would make it all better. And that was the problem.

Dean wanted Castiel - wanted him badly. Wanted the angel ever since he demanded Dean to respect him, threatening to throw his ass back into Hell. Dean didn’t bother to entertain the idea of the two of them together. Castiel was a freakin’ Angel of the Lord! A divine supernatural being. Did angels even feel sexual attraction? Could they even procreate? Didn’t God snap his fingers and poof an angel into being? And why of all people would Cas want to be with him? A guy with barely a G.E.D. education, a give em’ hell attitude, and daddy issues for days. The angel could do a hell of a lot better then him.

Oh, and then Lucifer escaped from Hell. And then there was the apocalypse. And then Castiel left him to go start a civil war in Heaven. At that point he knew he didn’t have a chance with the angel, so he kicked around with Lisa and Ben for a while. Which was nice - until Sam showed up soulless and Cas proclaimed himself God. And then he thought Cas died which destroyed him, but not as much as finding him living with a woman and having no memory of him or their friendship. If Dean had any hope left of being with Cas, that killed it. Not that it mattered, because then Cas went crazy.

Purgatory could have been the start of something, but that wasn’t a place to start a relationship. Which turned out to be a good decision, because he was sure Naomi would have tried to twist that and use it against Cas. It was like the entire universe was keeping them apart for some reason. But now! Now Cas was human and safe and sound two door down and their biggest problem were newly human angels walking around. Dean wanted nothing to do with the wingless bag of dicks. The human angels could figure it out on their own thank you very much! He, Sam, and Cas deserved a break from saving the world, and god dammit he was going to spend this break trying to finally get with the fallen angel! This could be his only chance!

But that was easier said than done. Dean didn’t want to rush into this. He wanted to make sure everything went perfectly with Cas, which, looking at Dean’s life, was ridiculous. His life would never be perfect, he was just stalling. There was after all, still a good chance Cas could reject him.

About a week into Cas’s stay, Dean ran into him in the kitchen. One look at the fallen angel and Dean went weak in the knees. He had to sit down at the table to keep from falling to the floor. Castiel stared at him, like so many times before, asking if he was okay. Dean said he was fine, just a little lightheaded. He wasn’t lying. 

He tried to broach the relationship subject with Cas, telling him he was glad he was at the bunker, that he liked having Cas around so much, that it was a nice change of pace. Castiel replied he enjoyed being at the bunker as well. Dean sighed, of course Cas wasn’t going to make it easy for him. He felt completely unequipped for this, like a deep sea diver swimming with a rain coat. Dean was going to have to be much more direct with the fallen angel, something he just wasn’t ready for. He had been avoiding Cas since then.

There was a knock at Dean’s door. “Dean?” Castiel called out. Dean groaned, steadying himself for the interaction. It was so hard for him to be around Cas now that he was human. The fallen angel was actually obtainable now. 

“Come in,” Dean yelled back, sitting up on his bed. Castiel entered, closing the door behind him. Dean looked Cas up and down. He would never get use to seeing Cas out of his suit and trench coat. Cas was wearing Dean’s old jeans, and Dean’s favorite band t-shirt, which was hanging loosely off of him. He really should take Cas clothes shopping, but he liked seeing the angel wearing his clothes. At least some part of him was close to Cas.

“Can I talk to you?” Castiel asked. Did Dean sense a hint of nervousness in his voice?

“Sure Cas, what’s up?” Dean asked, patting the bed. 

Castiel sat down, absently rubbing his thighs, “I need your help Dean.”

"Anything Cas,” Dean replied, unable to stop himself from rubbing Castiel’s shoulder reassuringly. The touch caught Castiel off guard, making him blush. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s becoming incessant. Is that … normal? To be constantly thinking of your best friend?" 

Well, this just got interesting.

"What ugh - what exactly are these thoughts about?” Dean asked, holding his breath.

“What’s your favorite color? Do you have a favorite body part? What’s your favorite soda?” Castiel asked in a rush.

“Oh,” Dean let out disappointingly. There went that hope.

“Although recently, I’ve been thinking about your lips,” Castiel reflected. Dean’s head spun so fast looking at Cas he got whiplash.

“My lips?” Dean repeated in shock. 

“Mmhm,” Castiel moaned low in his throat, looking at Dean’s lips.

Holy shit, is this actually happening, Dean thought. He decided what the hell, he’d run with it. Dean leaned in, dropping his voice low and seductive. “You been thinking about kissing me Cas?”

Castiel’s eyes widened. No he had not thought about kissing Dean… but now that Dean brought it up… Dean’s lips did look quite soft and plump, they would feel nice against his lips… and then Castiel was thinking about kissing Dean! And for some reason it filled him with excitement and anticipation. That was a great idea! Why hadn’t he thought about it before? So much better then Dean scolding him. 

“You wanna kiss me Cas?” Dean breathed against Castiel’s lips.

“Yes,” Castiel whispered. 

“Go ahead then,” Dean smirked. Castiel closed the gap between them, gently pressing his lips to Dean’s. When Castiel pulled away, Dean was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Can I do that again?” Castiel asked, “that was very enjoyable.”

“As often as you want,” Dean replied, kissing the fallen angel back. They kissing for longer, slowly exploring each other’s mouths. When they broke apart, Dean confessed, “I want you Cas, wanted you for a long time now.”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion, “Want me to do what?”

Dean laughed, cupping Castiel’s cheek in his palm. “Don’t ever change Cas.”

Castiel frowned, “I already have Dean. I’m no longer an angel, I’m human.”

“You’re still my angel. You’ll always be my angel,” Dean reassured, pulling Castiel into his arms for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20, Insatiable is the sequel to this.


	2. Tears of Pearls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon Dean and Castiel meet for the first and last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A SAD STORY! THERE IS A CHARACTER DEATH. I'M SO SORRY. 
> 
> Rated T for language
> 
> Song: Tears of Pearls  
> Album: Savage Garden

The angel and the demon stared each other down.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. Castiel thought if he showered Dean with love and affection it would stop the Mark of Cain from taking over him. Quell the growing rage inside of Dean. But it didn’t work. Dean still became a Knight of Hell. Turns out true love doesn’t conquer all.

So now Castiel was staring at the demon who was Dean, trying to figure out his weakness. He could exercise Dean, if he could just get close enough. 

“Guess your little plan didn’t work,” Dean smirked.

“What plan?”

“Don’t play coy with me angel. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Acting so compassionate around me, paying me compliments all the time. You seriously thought a few kind words would stop the inevitable?” Dean asked, holding out his arms. “It would have taken a lot more than that.”

That peaked the angel’s curiosity. “What do you mean?”

Dean’s grin grew wider, twisting the features of his face. “Oh this is perfect. You didn’t know? That does explain a thing or two.”

“Didn’t know what?” the angel growled. Had there been a way to prevent Dean from turning into a demon he didn’t know about? Or was the demon simply torturing him with hope? “Didn’t know what?” he demanded.

Dean pointed at Castiel, “You were on the right track, but the Mark is a physical manifestation, it responds to physicality. You should have been kissing me instead of praising me. Oh well, too late now.”

“You never would have let me kiss you,” Castiel scoffed. 

“You never bothered to try,” Dean replied.

“You never indicated you wanted more than friendship,” the angel lied. He wasn’t stupid, he saw the way Dean looked at him, heard the way Dean pleaded that he needed him when he thought he was faced with death. And yet, Dean refused to say anything about his desires, keeping them locked away like stolen pearls. Not that Castiel was any better. He kept his feelings locked away as well, perhaps even more so. There was more for him to lose then Dean.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” the demon yelled in disbelief. “What I’d have to do, spell it out for you? Cas are you really that dense? Shit I could have been moaning your name, writhing around on the bed and you still wouldn’t have done anything,” Dean shouted angrily.

“That’s not true,” Castiel replied darkly.

“What were you so afraid of?”

Castiel breathed in sharply, remaining silent. They glared at each other, daring each other to break the silence first. Then, finally, barely audible, Castiel spoke.

“You, Dean. I was afraid of you.”

That took the demon back by surprise. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Whatever. It didn’t matter anymore.

“I’m not that person anymore so -”

Castiel interrupted, “Yes you are. Your core personality is the same. This is how you would have been had I not raised you from Perdition. Actually, this is the first version of you I ever met.”

"What?” Dean was beyond confused.

“You were in Hell for four months Dean, your soul was already starting to change. It was pure for the most part, still the brightest soul I’d ever seen, but there was darkness creeping in at the edges. I removed it of course, when I put your body back together,” Castiel explained, slowly approaching the demon. If he could just get his fingers on him…

Dean hadn’t know that. “Looks like you saved me for nothing, ended up a demon anyways. Way to be on the ball Castiel. Some guardian angel you are,” the demon sneered. Castiel ignored the dig, still edging towards Dean. The demon narrowed his eyes, tilting his head, mocking Castiel. “You’re still trying to save me aren’t you? How adorably naive. There’s no point Cas, give it up. I don’t want to be saved. I like being like this.”

“That’s the Mark talking, not you.” 

“I am the Mark Cas!” Dean screamed. Castiel froze, the anger radiating off of Dean was frightening. Dean had only been a Knight of Hell for little over a month, but the angel was afraid even with an exorcism, permanent damage to Dean’s soul had already been done. “If you were scared of me before, you should be terrified of me now,” Dean said coldly. 

“I’m not scared of you Dean, not like this. I’ve been battling your kind for eons. Speaking of which, is that why you agreed to meet me, to test your strength against mine?”

“Honestly?” Dean paused for a beat, “I’m still hoping for a kiss.”

Castiel sighed, of course the demon would say that. That’s exactly what the angel wanted to hear. Play to his hidden desires. “I’m not playing the fool Dean. What is your real reason for being here?”

Dean covered his heart with his hand, feigning offence. “That is my reason. I’ve had a crush on you for ages and now that I’m a demon - shit, what else have I got to lose?”

Castiel knew this was a trick, but he didn’t care. If he couldn’t save Dean, if he couldn’t free his soul a second time… Castiel wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he failed Dean. 

“You do realize as soon as I touch you I can exorcise you,” Castiel clarified. 

“Yeah I know, but you won’t,” Dean smiled smugly. 

“You don’t think I will?” Castiel asked, his grace flashing through his eyes. 

“Oh you will, eventually, I’m sure of it. But right now,” Dean moved from his spot, approaching Castiel, “I think temptation is going to get the better of you.” The demon stopped just out of Castiel’s reach. “Come on angel, what’s stopping you?”

“It’s wrong. You’re wrong!”

“So wrong it’s right?” Dean winked. Castiel tired not to laugh, he really did, but in that joke a spark of Dean’s soul shown through and it was so beautiful, so joyous, Castiel momentarily forgot Dean was a Knight of Hell. Things were suddenly back to how they were, and this nightmare was nothing more then a distant memory. Castiel didn’t even notice Dean had closed the gap between them. Dean whispered intimately, encouragingly, “Come on Cas, one little kiss. That’s all I want.” 

One little kiss… It would be worth the sacrifice. 

Castiel lunged at Dean, wrapping him in his arms. The kiss burned his lips, spreading throughout his body like he was on fire. He tried twisting away, but Dean’s hold on him was too strong. 

“Your love’s gonna be the death of you angel,” Dean grinned wickedly, plunging the hidden angel blade into Castiel. 

Castiel gasped as blood streamed from his mouth. “I forgive you Dean,” he choked out as blue eyes met black. “I hope you can forgive yourself as well,” he strained, placing two fingers to Dean’s forehead, exorcising him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14, Crash and Burn is the prequel to this story.


	3. Carry on Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks he and Cas are working an undercover case where people mysteriously disappear. In actuality, Castiel didn't know how to tell Dean he wanted to take him out on a date - or that the date was attending a magical fairy ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated E for smut!
> 
> Song: Carry on Dancing  
> Album: Savage Garden

Dean flicked on the headlights, “Where’s this place we’re going again?”

“It’s close, three miles away now,” Castiel replied.

“What’s with the mystery Cas? Why won’t you just tell me where we’re going?”

“It’s almost impossible for humans to find Dean. I’ve told you this.”

“Yeah and you’ve also told me this case we’re working is for an acquaintance of yours which - I find hard to believe,” Dean scoffed. He was the angel’s best friend, how many more people did Castiel need to know?

“Believe it or not Dean, I have been around since the beginning of time. You and your brother are not the only creatures I have ever interacted with,” Castiel replied annoyed. 

A surge of jealousy washed over the hunter. “How’d you meet this guy anyways?”

“I met him while investigating something.”

Dean didn’t like the vagueness of that answer, but before he could question the angel further, a road sign caught his eye. He screeched to a halt (the back county road thankfully deserted.)

“Welcome to Crowley, Louisiana?” Dean read, glaring at Castiel. “Something you want to tell me Cas?” He didn’t actually think Castiel was back in cahoots with the demon, but all this secrecy was starting to worry him.

“No,” the angel replied innocently. “This place has nothing to do with Crowley. It was named after an Irishman who bought the local railroad depot. I knew if I told you the name of the town you’d never agree to the case.”

Dean shook his head, “I don’t like this. You used to be pretty chummy with Crowley.”

“As I recall Dean, you were far more, "chummy” with Crowley as a Knight of Hell then I ever was,“ Castiel quipped, complete with air quotes.

Dean grumbled - yeah, okay, Castiel had a point. "Fine, fine, tell me where to go,” he said, starting down the road again. Ten minutes later, they pulled into a dimly lit grove. As Dean got out of the car, he saw the lights were coming from hanging paper lanterns, illuminating a path deeper into the grove.“Wow, this is um…” Dean refused to say the word romantic. “You said this is a missing persons case?”

Dean followed Castiel along the soft earthen path as the angel explained. “People have been vanishing from around the surrounding area over the past month.”

“That doesn’t sound supernatural. Sometimes people disappear and they don’t want to be found. Simple as that,” the hunter said, speaking from experience.

“Sometimes the people return, but they’re different… changed. Not necessarily a bad change mind you, but they have been altered.” The sound of music and laughter drifted through the air. They were getting close to something.

“Then what are we doing here? Shouldn’t we be out interviewing the victims?”

“Robin - my acquaintances, is hosting a party for them, but they are unaware of the changes they have undergone.”

“Undercover, I like it. Why didn’t you just say you were taking me to a party in Louisiana?” Dean laughed. He definitely would have gone for that, no questions asked. “Wish I dressed for the occasion though.”

“You look fine Dean,” Castiel commented softly.

“Wish I could say the same for you. You’re gonna give us away. People don’t go to parties in suits and trench coats.”

Castiel stopped abruptly, “What do you suggest I wear?”

“Jeans, t-shirt. Normal clothes,” Dean suggested. He watched as Castiel placed a finger to his chest as his standard uniform was replaced with a tight navy blue t-shirt and form fitting, low riding jeans. 

“Is this better?” Castiel asked. A beam of moonlight shown down on the angel, illuminating him, making him look truly celestial.

“Ugh,” Dean stalled, trying to get his brain to work, “yeah, better, good.” He could have sworn he saw Castiel smirk slightly. Dean tried not to stare at Castiel as they walked, but it was impossible. The angel was just too beautiful, as if his grace was seeping through, surrounding him. Dean ran straight into him as Castiel stopped again. Castiel either didn’t notice, or didn’t care - he just announced that they had arrived.

Looking over the shorter man’s shoulder, Dean let out a gasp. The path had lead them to a large clearing, surrounded by a perfect ring of ancient trees. There were no paper lanterns here, only moonlight and starlight. In the soft glow of the natural light, Dean made out about fifty people. Most were dancing (to a lively Irish band), and some were sitting and chatting, or gathered around the buffet, but all were tall and willowy, dressed in their best finery. It was a scene straight out of a fairy tale. Maybe there was a supernatural element to these disappearances, Dean thought.

“Oh look,” Castiel said fondly, “you can see the planets.” He pointed out each one to Dean. “There’s Jupiter… and Saturn… and Venus… and Mercury… and Mars. I remember when Mars ran with liquid water,” he said in a far away voice.

“Planet means wondering star in Greek,” Dean countered. 

Castiel looked at Dean in surprise, “I didn’t know you knew that.”

Dean beamed, “I’m more than just a pretty face,” he winked. Castiel didn’t need to know Sam had told him that fun fact just before they left on the trip. 

As they wanted into the clearing, Castiel reminded Dean it was a covert mission and not to raise suspicion. Regretfully, Dean left the angel’s side to investigate. He skirted the dancers, making his way towards the buffet. As good a place as any to start he figured, and not having eaten since lunch, he was famished. But upon reaching the buffet, he cursed to himself. It was all Sam food! Salads and berries and fruits and muffins and - oh hell yes! Cupcakes! Not as great as pie, but he’d take it. Dean loaded up his plate with fruit salad that smelled strongly of honey, and as many cupcakes as he could carry. Setting his food down at the nearest table, he went back for a drink, but all he could find was water, lemonade, and milk. No alcohol anywhere. What kind of host has milk over alcohol, he thought disgusted. This Robin guy was on the wrong side of eccentric.

Settling on lemonade, Dean returned to his seat, finding a couple staring at him strangely. Dean noticed they both had violet eyes. He tried striking up a conversation with them, but couldn’t get any useful information out of them. He was just about to start on his cupcakes when he spotted Castiel on the dance floor. He looked deep in conversation with another man. Dean wondered if this was one of the victims, or the milk toting host. Regardless, another wave of jealously washed over him. Dean decided to do the only logical thing - eat his feelings. The angel locked eyes with Dean, just as he was shoving a cupcake into his mouth. Embarrassed, Dean swallowed thickly, watching as Castiel excused himself, making his way towards him.

“I see you found the fa - cupcakes. I thought those would please you,” Castiel said, obviously happy. Dean would have sworn he saw a twinkle in the angel’s eyes, but it was probably just the moonlight hitting him just right.

“You two make a lovely couple,” the woman at the table commented.

Dean blushed from the base of his neck to the tips of his ears. He didn’t have the heart to correct the woman. Besides, what’s the worse that could happen from letting her think he and Cas were a couple. It certainly wasn’t the first time. Actually, considering they were supposed to be undercover, this was ideal.

“How long have you been a couple?” she asked. Dean looked at Castiel, waiting for him to answer, until he realized Castiel was doing the same.

“About six years now, right babe?” Dean asked.

“Sounds right to me,” Castiel nodded. Dean knew couples always brought up how they met, so Dean did that - for authenticity - of course.

“I was in a pretty bad place, and he pulled me out of it. We’ve been together ever since,” Dean said, lacing his fingers with Castiel’s. Castiel was just staring at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“Would you care to dance, Dean?” Castiel whispered reverently.

“Sure babe,” Dean smiled. “Excuse us,” he said to the other couple, grabbing the remaining cupcakes. Handing Castiel a cupcake, Dean asked if he had any information.

“No,” the angel replied, hesitantly trying the cupcake. Dean laughed, seeing frosting plastered all over Castiel’s plump lips. He had to stop himself from reaching out and cleaning them for him. He was already giving himself the luxury of pretending they were a couple, he didn’t want to push it and slip up.

“You got frosting all over your mouth,” Dean pointed. He watched in fascination as Castiel’s tongue snaked out, lapping up the frosting on his lips. As he watched, his pants became increasingly tight as he wished it was his tongue tracing Castiel’s lips. He turned, trying to hide his erection.

“Where are you going? I thought you wanted to dance,” Castiel said.

“Oh, yeah,” Dean replied automatically. OH. YEAH. Castiel actually wanted to dance with him? What the hell was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to hide a chubby while dancing? What if he accidentally brushed up against Cas? How was he supposed to explain that away to his best friend? “Cas, do you even know how to dance?”

Castiel huffed annoyed, “Dean, I have witnessed the evolution of dance from the Danse Macabre, to the waltz, to the twerk. As you would say, I’ve got moves.”

Dean broke out into a shit eating grin, “Can you twerk?” That would be a hell of a sight, seeing the angel’s bubble butt bounce up and down. His cock twitched with interest as he thought about Castiel bouncing up and down on top of him instead. He cleared his throat, trying to clear his mind of the tantalizing image.

Another tiny, sly smirk from Castiel, “Would you like to see me twerk?”

Oh fuck. Dean couldn’t deal with this. “Aren’t we supposed to be working a case?” he backtracked into safety. Somewhere off in the distance, a clock struck twelve. Was it midnight already, Dean thought surprised. How could that be? It was only half past five when they pulled up.

Castiel shifted his weight nervously. “There is no case Dean, I lied,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

“So what are we doing here? Why’d you drag me to middle of nowhere?” The angel mumbled something unintelligible. “What?” the hunter asked sharply. He was in no mood for games. 

“This was supposed to be a date. I wanted to do something romantic and unique and I know most humans have never been to a fairy ball so -" 

"A fairy ball?” Dean interrupted, “you brought me to a fairy ball?” That certainly explained - well everything. He couldn’t believe he didn’t catch all the signs! A destination in Cajun country nearly impossible for humans to find, the party setting - a damn fairy ring, the people’s (or Fea’s rather) appearance, the music, the food - fucking fairy cakes, the time shift. The damn fairy magic was messing with his head! Shit - some hunter he was. 

“I’m sorry Dean, but when I became human I realized and understood the extent of my affection for you, and ever since then I’ve been trying to find the time to tell you how I feel. I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I had to at least try and see if you felt at all similar,” the angel rushed out, continuing to rub the back of his neck.

Without thinking, Dean kissed Castiel. The angel remained frozen as the hunter’s lips moved against his. Dean broke the kiss, “How’s that for an answer?… Aww, don’t look so shocked Cas. It’s pretty obvious how much I’m in love with you. But next time, just so you know, a burger and a movie is fine with me.”

Castiel smiled, blushing. “I’ll keep that in mind Dean. Consider this date an… odd perk of having an angel for a boyfriend.”

“Damn Cas you move fast. One kiss and we’re already a couple? You’re not expecting to get laid at the end of the night are you?” Dean teased.

Castiel huffed through his nose. “You’re the one who said we’ve been together for six years. And no Dean, I am not expecting to get laid tonight - not unless you play your cards right,” he smirked, dropping his voice. 

Now Dean was the one blushing at the possibilities. “Well you gonna show me your sweet dance moves or what feathers?”

Castiel grabbed Dean’s hand, dragging him to the moonlit drenched dance floor. Dean let Castiel take the lead as he felt strong hands grip his hips, pulling him flush against the angel. Dean threw his arms around Castiel’s shoulders, swaying his hips in time with the music. Castiel leaned in, kissing Dean, grinding against him. He swallowed Dean’s moan as he slipped his hands under Dean’s shirt, exploring freely. 

“Shit, you weren’t joking about your moves,” Dean breathed heavily. Castiel smiled, squeezed Dean’s hips, and ground into him again. Dean moaned in Castiel’s ear, feeling the angel’s erection rub against his. Dean’s head was spinning and his blood boiling, he wanted - needed more of Castiel.

“Cas, this, this isn’t really dancing. You’re just humping me,” Dean laughed. “Not that I’m complaining,” he added, kissing the angel’s cheek and grinding back.

“I see no difference between modern popular dance and humping you, as you say,” Castiel deadpanned. 

God Dean loved Castiel’s sarcastic senses of humor. “Well in that case babe, let’s - let’s get out of here. Go get a hotel room, if you know what I mean,” Dean smiled suggestively. 

Dean felt Castiel faltered in his rhythm, “We can’t leave the ball, not yet.”

“Aww, come on Cas, I’ll dance with you in the hotel room. We’ll do the horizontal dance,” Dean winked, grinding back.

“Dean,” Castiel groaned, “we literally can’t leave. Not until dawn. If you try to leave the ring before then, the Fea will trap you here forever.”

“Oh now you tell me,” Dean nipped at Castiel’s lip. “You’re an angel of the Lord, can’t you do something?”

“Fea magic is very strong Dean, I wouldn’t risk it.”

“Fine,” Dean pouted, “how long until dawn? How long do I have to wait until I can have my way with you?”

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean, “Is that what you think Dean? Dawn is six hours away, but we don’t have to wait that long. Come with me,” he said, taking Dean’s hand again. He lead Dean through the other dancers, and past the band. Within a few steps, the party was behind them and they were surrounded by silent, moonlit forest. “The circle extends here, away from the ball,” he explained to Dean, pointing out the edge of the fairy tree ring. “And I can always add an extra layer of protection if you’d like, of course.”

“Protection?”

Dean barely saw Castiel blush under the soft moonlight. “Protection from being walked in on. If you were still interested in horizontal dancing.”

“Cas you dirty pervert. I didn’t know you were into exhibitionism,” Dean broke out in a wide grin.

“Technically, as an angel, I’m into voyeurism,” Castiel quipped. Dean doubled over laughing, missing the bed Castiel created from the surrounding natural environment. “I can’t promise it’s as comfortable as your memory foam mattress, but if should do for our needs.”

“Oh,” Dean chuckled, noticing the bed. He was suddenly nervous, this was all happening rather quickly. Sure he had fantasized about getting down with Castiel, but those were exactly that, fantasies. 

Castiel said a few words in Enochian, walking around in a circle. “There, now we have nothing to worry about,” he smiled proudly. But the smile vanished when he saw the look on Dean’s face. Sitting down on the bed, Castiel said, “Dean, you have nothing to be nervous about, I’ll be very gentle -” Dean huffed loudly, rolling his eyes. “Unless you have changed your mind, in which case -”

“No, no,” Dean reassured, joining Castiel on the bed, “it’s just -” He refused to say performance anxiety. He had only been with men a handful of times, and Castiel’s only experience with sex was - well, fatal. He wanted this to be good for the angel. Castiel deserved it, with everything that he had been through over the years. “It’s just average nerves,” Dean lied. Castiel stroked Dean’s cheek, leaning in for a kiss, and in that instant, Dean’s anxiety vanished in the kiss. Maybe it was Castiel’s angelic nature, or the magic of the Fea, but Dean felt at ease. Everything would be okay. No, more then okay. Great. “How do you - want to - do this?” Dean breathed out between heated kisses.

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes, “How do you? I want to make you feel good Dean.”

Dean smiled, hearing his sentiments echoed back to him. “Babe, anything you do to me is going to make me feel good. And same goes for you, you know. Wanna make you feel good too.”

Castiel kissed along Dean’s neck, “Then it appears we are at an impasse. Whatever will we do?” Dean moaned as Castiel kissed south, gently nipping and sucking at his throat. Oh that felt good, so good. But not as good as when the angel manhandled him flat against the bed. Castiel straddled Dean, grinding against him. Yep, Dean definitely knew where he wanted this to go. 

Dean sat up, pulling Castiel’s shirt off. He ran his hands over the angel’s broad chest, eagerly drinking in the expanse of tanned skin. And the way Castiel’s hip bones disappeared into the tented, low slung jeans. How did he get so lucky? He licked at Castiel’s dark nipple experimentally, earning him a moan deep from Castiel. He licked the other one, sucking it to a peak when he was shoved back onto the bed. Dean had forgotten how strong the angel was. This night would be a pleasant reminder of how helpless he truly was against the celestial being. Dean smiled to himself, and he thought he would be having his way with the angel tonight. 

Castiel crushed Dean into the mattress as he licked into Dean’s mouth. The two fought for dominance in the kiss as Dean’s hips rose automatically, desperate for more friction. Castiel, taking it as a hint, removed the hunter’s pants and boxers with a tough of his finger. He ran his thumb through the bead of pre-cum, spreading it around Dean’s head teasingly. Kissing him languidly, he pumped Dean slowly, keeping up the same teasing movements. 

“Cas,” Dean pleaded. Castiel smirked, increasing his pace. Dean moaned, trying to get the angel to do more, “Cas, please, stop teasing me." 

"What do you want Dean?”

“You. I want you,” Dean groaned.

“You already have me,” Castiel replied, squeezing Dean’s cock. 

“I want more of you. All of you,” Dean moaned.

Castiel smiled lovingly, “Alright Dean.” He moved down Dean’s legs, removing them the same way as he removed his own, with a single finger. Dean hissed as the night air hit his ridged cock, distracting him from the angel that was settling in between his legs.

“Shit Cas, you’re not fucking around,” Dean gasped as he felt Castiel’s tongue slide across his head. Castiel took Dean into his mouth, humming out a reply. Dean groaned, bucking his hips. As he looked down, he couldn’t believe the sight before him. Castiel, angel of the Lord, bathed in moonlight, swallowing his cock down like a pro. It was sinfully hot. Christ where did Cas learn to do that? Who had he been practicing on? Was it that acquaintance Robin? WAS THAT WHAT CASTIEL HAD BEEN INVESTIGATING? Mind racing and jumping to conclusions, Dean demanded, “Cas, Cas, how are you so amazing at this!?”

Castiel smiled around Dean’s thick cock before pulling up and replying sheepishly, “I’ve been practicing on various food items, but I’m finding it’s not quite the same." 

Adorable and quintessentially Castiel, Dean thought relieved. 

"But now I have you to practice on,” Castiel smiled triumphantly. 

“By all means, continue practicing, don’t let me stop you,” Dean encountered. Castiel dipped down, licking the sensitive underside of Dean’s cock. He covered Dean’s length with soft, wet kisses before swallowing it down to the base. Dean gasped, fisting a hand in Castiel’s hair as he felt Castiel’s throat close around his head. And Christ, the noises Castiel was making! Moans and sighs like going down on Dean was the most pleasurable thing he’d ever done… Shit, this probably was the most pleasurable thing Castiel had ever done, Dean realized. Unless Castiel had touched himself - had Castiel ever touched himself? And had he been thinking of Dean while doing it? Dean groaned low in his throat, thrusting his hips up at the thought. 

Castiel’s hands kept Dean’s hips firmly in place. He released Dean with a wet slurp and a lazy smile. “I do Dean, think about you when I touch myself. Have been for the past two years.” Dean groaned. “Do you want to see what else I’ve been practicing on my own? To please you?” Dean nodded eagerly, fuck yeah he wanted to see.

Castiel straddled Dean again, positioning himself over the hunter’s cock. Dean swallowed hard. This was the first eye full he’d ever gotten of the angel. Dean had never been more grateful of Castiel picking out Jimmy as his vessel. The man had been hung like a fucking horse. Castiel was hard and leaking, cock glistening beautifully in the moonlight. Dean licked his lips, wishing he could have a taste.

“In time Dean, in time,” Castiel breathed, stroking Dean’s chest. 

“Are you reading my mind?”

“I can’t help it, being so intimate with you,” Castiel replied, starting to lowering himself down onto Dean. Dean grabbed Castiel’s hips, stopping him. 

“Don’t you need to like, prep or something?” Dean asked concerned. 

“Perks of being an angel, instant prep. And I have no refractory period,” Castiel smiled. 

“Holy shit Cas, can you get any fucking more perfect?” Dean smiled back. He squeezed the angel’s sharp hips, guiding him down. Dean slid into Castiel, moaning and gasping for air as he went. Castiel was so tight! The angel didn’t even seem phased by Dean inside of him. “So, you’ve been practicing this by yourself too?” Dean asked, gently rolling his hips. Castiel let out a pleased little sigh. 

“I bought myself a - a toy,” Castiel said embarrassed, “and when I practiced, I pretended it was you.”

Dean moaned, overwhelmed at the thought that somewhere in the world, there had been Castiel fucking himself on a dildo, pretending it was him. He would definitely need a demonstration of that ones of these days. “Show me what you got,” Dean said thickly as his cock twitched inside of Castiel. 

Castiel was riding Dean, working at a steady, even pace when Dean surprised him, taking the angel in his hand, stroking him. “It feels so much better when you do that,” Castiel moaned. 

“You like that angel?” Dean asked, stroking him faster. Castiel tilted his head back, moaning out a yes. “Yeah? That feel good?” he asked, snapping his hips up. Dean grinned as Castiel gasped, lurching forward, blue eyes glowing. 

“What? What was that?” Castiel asked in awe. 

Dean chuckled, “That was your prostate babe. I don’t think you were using that toy to its full potential. I’ll have to help you out with it in the future.” Dean snapped his hips again as Castiel braced his hands against Dean’s chest. The two found their pace, Dean thrusting up and Castiel thrusting back against him. 

“This feels - so good Dean - so good,” Castiel moaned. Dean pumped Castiel faster as the angel thrusted against him harder. The moonlight shone down, casting shadows against Castiel’s face and chest. 

Dean ran his thumb along the stubble of Castiel’s jaw. “You look beautiful Cas, so beautiful,” Dean breathed, sitting up. With one hand still pumping Castiel, he wrapped his other arm around Castiel’s waist, pulling him into a kiss. Castiel kissed back eagerly, all but devouring Dean’s mouth. He broke the kiss to pulled Dean’s shirt off, ruffling up the hunter’s hair. Castiel pulled back, looking Dean over as much as he could. He smiled with fondness in his eyes.

“You will never cease to amaze me Dean,” Castiel said, kissing Dean before he could reply. Dean pulled Castiel towards him, pressing their bodies together as close as possible. He broke the kiss, panting for breath. It felt like the angel was sucking the life out of him. And now that Castiel had discovered his prostate, he was slamming himself down on Dean, hitting it over and over again. Between that and Castiel’s trapped cock rubbing against his skin, Dean knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. 

“Come on angel,” Dean growled, “come for me. Let me see you come. I bet you look even more beautiful when you come.” Castiel moaned Dean’s name, trying to say something more, but he couldn’t. All he could do was say the human’s name and ride him frantically. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, encouraging him, practically begging him to come. He wanted to see the angel lose it so badly. Reaching in between them, Dean pumped Castiel’s leaking cock again, determined to make the angel come. Castiel let out a strangled moan as tremors began racking his body. “Come on angel, come on, come on, come on my cock,” Dean chanted, as if he could make Castiel come from sheer will. 

And apparently, Dean could, because just at that moment Castiel’s eyes squeezed shut and his mouth fell open in a silent scream as he came between them. Just as Dean thought - stunningly beautiful. It was just the push he needed. Dean came buried inside Castiel, making the angel shutter, trying to ride out his orgasm. They rocked against each other for a while, coming down from their high together. 

When Castiel opened his eyes again, they were still glowing blue, but quickly fading. “You were right Dean. I was not using that toy sufficiently. This turned out much better then anything I could have imagined.” Dean rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder laughing. This - all of this was too ridiculous. The fairy ball, their becoming a couple, their hooking up. Was this really his life? 

“Good, I’m glad,” he replied, dragging Castiel back to bed. Lying on his side, Dean wrapped Castiel’s arms around him like a blanket. (Or like wings, he smiled to himself.) Dean so rarely got be the little spoon and he secretly loved it. He felt Castiel clean them up with a touch of his finger, then idly trace patterns in his skin. Castiel noticed the sky while peppering Dean’s shoulder with kisses. 

“Dean, look, it’s dawn. We can leave now. We can go home.”

Dean hummed contentedly. He liked hearing Castiel say ‘we’ and ‘home’ in the same sentence, but he wasn’t ready to go yet. He wanted to drift in the magic of the night a little while longer. “A few more minutes Cas. Let’s stay a few more minutes, and then we can go home,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4, Violet is the prequel to this story.


	4. Violet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the prequel to chapter 3, Carry on Dancing.   
> Castiel indulges in a little fantasy and discovers something surprising about Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T for sexual suggestiveness 
> 
> Song: Violet  
> Album: Savage Garden

Castiel was indulging in a fantasy as he watched his sleeping charge. (Dean had told the angel multiple times not to watch him sleep, but Castiel didn’t see any harm in it - so he kept doing it. It was a rare time where ignorance really was bliss.) Castiel’s eyes swept over Dean, the human looked so peaceful like this, all the weight of the world erased from his face. Castiel wished Dean looked like this more often. Dean was beautiful when he was free from the burden of worry. But that was never going to happen. The Winchester would always have something to worry about; so, Castiel sighed, returning to his fantasy.

Without a doubt, Castiel’s favorite day dream was Dean consenting to letting Castiel use himself as his vessel. There was nothing more intimate then an angel sharing the body of a conscious human, not even sex. The thought of his grace constantly being in contact with Dean’s soul filled the angel with ecstasy. Castiel had it all planned out. He would enter Dean’s dreams and ask for his consent. Then, while Dean was awake, he would lurk out of sight, not intervening in Dean’s life - well not too much. There was an area or two where Castiel would liked to influence Dean.

Whether Dean knew it or not, it was fairly obvious he had feelings for the angel. Castiel didn’t know how far those feelings extended, but he wanted to poke around in Dean’s head and see if he couldn’t get Dean to at least acknowledge his feelings - whatever they were, and then go from there. And in Castiel’s fantasy, those feelings always led to Dean allowing Castiel to touch him while still inside of him. Castiel would pleasure Dean from the inside out. That was easily Castiel’s second favorite fantasy. He would take over Dean’s body and break him in the best possible way, bringing him to new heights of pleasure. He longed to hear Dean call out his name, begging him to touch him.

“Cas,” Dean moaned sleepily. Startled, Castiel looked at his sleeping charge. Dean was softly moaning with a small smile on his face. Intrigued, Castiel approached Dean. Again, Dean moaned the angel’s name. Castiel wasn’t quite sure what to do. He wanted to respect Dean’s privacy, and yet, he was dying to know what Dean was dreaming about that would cause him to smile and moan Castiel’s name. Was it possible Castiel had misjudged Dean? Were Dean feelings for Castiel stronger than he originally thought? Surely that was worth investigating. Castiel placed two fingers to Dean’s head, entering Dean’s dream.

The angel was surrounded by a harsh violet light and a male falsetto singing about staying alive. To call it sensory overload was an understatement. Castiel looked around, trying to find Dean in the chaos. Instead, he spotted an exact copy of himself off in the distance, standing stiffly, pointing into the air, then towards the ground, then back up into the air. Castiel hadn’t a clue what this was supposed to be Dean was dreaming about. 

Castiel heard Dean’s laugh, then saw him appear (dressed in a white suit) behind the other Castiel. Dean said something to the other Castiel, then started repeated the movements the other Castiel had been doing, only much more smoothly. Was Dean trying to teach Castiel’s doppelganger how to dance? Castiel smiled at the idea of Dean wanting to dance with him. He left Dean’s dream, giving him his privacy. 

Castiel looked over the sleeping man in amusement. Never in Castiel’s wildest dreams would he have imagined Dean was dreaming about that. Castiel chuckled, maybe his fantasies weren’t that fantastical after all. Maybe he wouldn’t have to use Dean as a vessel to get him to admit his feelings for Castiel. The wheels in the angel’s head turned, brainstorming possible ideas…


	5. Break Me Shake Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extended scene of Lucifer and Castiel in the cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated G
> 
> Song: Break Me Shake Me  
> Album: Savage Garden

Lucifer loomed over Castiel, “I can help you, I can defeat The Darkness. I’m the only one who can, you know I’m right."

“Can you really beat her?” Castiel asked.

“I can. I did it once before, but it’s going to cost you.”

Of course, Castiel thought. “What’s your price?”

“You’re my new vessel,” Lucifer replied. Castiel contemplated it, staring into his brother’s soulless eyes. He knew if he accepted, the fallen angel would constantly be playing mind games with him, but that was a small price to pay if it meant defeating The Darkness and protecting Dean. Protecting Dean was all be cared about, and if Castiel was honest with himself, he hadn’t been doing a good job of that for a very long time. Sure, letting Lucifer in ran it’s risks, but Castiel was strong enough to prevent him from doing any serious harm to Dean or Sam. Or so he hoped.

As Castiel continued to stare, something familiar passed over Lucifer’s eyes. Was that regret? Did Lucifer regret rejecting humans and rebelling against God? Did he regret what he had become? From God’s favorite golden child to father of the damned, the ultimate adversary. But why should Lucifer care about The Darkness? Why should he offer his help past getting out of the cage? Was Lucifer seeking redemption? Was he trying to get back into God’s good graces? There was nothing worse for an angel then to be cast from God’s presence. The ache it left - Castiel knew it well, and the only relief was when he was around The Righteous Man.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. He wouldn’t say the notion was impossible, but it was very highly improbable. Lucifer had his own end game, but what exactly, the other angel didn’t know. Castiel knew consenting was madness, but what choice did he have if The Darkness was to be defeated? He was expendable, he could make the sacrifice. Maybe then Dean would stop thinking of him as a baby in a trench coat. 

“If I agree to this -” Castiel paused, watching Lucifer’s face twist into a smile. “You are not to harm Dean or Sam.”

Lucifer groaned, “I’m not making an promises, but I’ll try not to hurt your boyfriend, or his whiny, annoying brother.”

Castiel ignored the dig. “What are you going to do if they discover your inside my vessel?”

“They won’t.”

“They will, sooner or later, they’ll realize something is wrong with me,” Castiel said, hoping it was the truth. “And when they do -”

Lucifer waved his hand, “I know the drill, they’ll try to save you, and throw me back in the cage, but not before I defeat The Darkness. You know they won’t touch me until I’ve saved the world - again. And are they going to thank me? No!” Lucifer pouted upset. 

Castiel glanced at Dean in the corner of the cage where he was watching the angels intensely. Castiel knew he might never interact with Dean again. He wished he could say one last thing to the human who had irrevocably changed his life. Time to stop procrastinating, Castiel thought to himself.

Castiel looked back at Lucifer. They shared a look that felt like an eternity. “I consent.” Lucifer was inside Castiel’s vessel in the blink of an eye. It happened so fast neither Winchester knew it happened. Lucifer’s grace stretched and spread throughout his new vessel, filling it up. It felt so good to be back in a body that could endure his grace. 

But he wasn’t alone. No, there was still Castiel, looming in the background, watching him. Not that Castiel could do anything, he was far to weak to effect the archangel in any way, but it was still annoying. Lucifer rose, first thing first - The Darkness could wait, he needed to put that rabid dog Crowley in his place and put Hell back in order.

“Cas, Cas, you okay?” Dean asked as the Winchesters surrounded him. Lucifer swallowed a groan, he couldn’t wait to get rid of Dean once and for all. It was because of him he was stuck in the cage and didn’t have Sam as his vessel. There was a sudden, sharp pain in his new vessel’s head. Shut up Castiel, Lucifer thought. 

Lucifer put on his best Castiel imitation, “I’m fine Dean.”

“Where did Lucifer go?” Sam asked, looking around.

“Rowena took care of it,” Dean replied, “I didn’t have time to fill you in on the details.” 

Lucifer could feel Castiel wondering what Dean meant. Oh, he didn’t tell you either? Out of the loop there Castiel? Lucifer thought to Castiel. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Dean said. Smiling to himself, Lucifer followed the brothers out of the cage. He was breaking free from the cage with the help of their beloved angel, and they didn’t even know it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the greatest fic, but best I could come up with. The next chapter will be much better, I promise! I'm excited for it. There will be smut!


	6. Santa Monica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an alternate reality, the year is 2000, and Dean Winchester has just moved to Santa Monica, California. After turning to online chat rooms to cure his loneliness, Dean connects with a guy named Castiel who wants to meet in person. Will Dean take the risk, and meet a stranger off the internet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated E for smut!
> 
> Song: Santa Monica  
> Album: Savage Garden

The year was 2000 and twenty-one year old Dean Winchester had just moved to Santa Monica, California. He had spent the last year and a half scrapping together everything he’d earn to move out west. He loved his uncle Bobby dearly, but he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in Lawrence, Kansas. He wanted to see more of the world then his northeast corner of Kansas. Moving to California wasn’t a big step, but at least it was something. And with his baby brother going to Stanford in the fall, it would be easier to visit him.

Dean had been in Santa Monica for little over a month, but he was still adjusting to life on the coast. He knew it would be different from the Midwest, but he wasn’t quite prepared for the culture shock. Everyone here was young, thin, and gorgeous. Beauty here was unavoidable, it was everywhere he turned. Christ, his neighbor Mandy was a fucking blond bombshell. How she wasn’t a world famous model he’d never know. But him on the other hand -

Yeah Dean was young, and his face was easy on the eyes, but he was not thin. He did not have a size thirty two waist. He was definitely on the chubby side. He had been chubby his entire life, and was completely fine with it - until he moved out west. He’d never felt insecure about his body before moving to Santa Monica. He didn’t even know what to do about it. What could he do about it? So after a month of living in Santa Monica, the only people he knew were his neighbor Mandy, the guys down at the garage where he worked, and Jake, the barista at his local coffee shop. Dean had never felt so lonely or out of place before. 

And it was because of that Dean had turned to internet chat rooms. He could be anyone online. He could be a super model, or Norman Mailer, or a caped crusader, or a space invader, and nobody would know the difference. For a few hours he could escape his isolation and have complete anonymity.

Too poor to afford a home computer, he spent his Friday and Saturday evening at the local library, browsing various chat rooms until closing time. Sometimes he joined car chat rooms, or classic rock chat rooms, but his favorite were the supernatural chat rooms. He was big into horror and monster movies. Dean could talk about ghosts, demons, and vampires for hours; but he had to be careful, there were some real weirdos in these forums. There was one guy in particular - Crowley, gave Dean the fucking creeps. Said he was a magician or warlock or something, and was going to be the king of Hell after he died. Just weird shit that made Dean uncomfortable. But most of the people were pretty cool, so Dean kept surfing the forums.

One Thursday, as Dean was walking down the street (he was trying to walk more to lose a little weight) he noticed some activity going on at his favorite coffee shop. Popping in, he saw there was a whole row of brand new Apple computers up against the back of the store. Dean spotted Jake behind the counter.

“What’s all this?” Dean asked.

“The owner wants to turn this into an internet cafe. Guess he was waiting to see how the Y2K scare would turn out,” Jake replied.

“I tried telling him he had nothing to worry about,” a gravelly voice replied. Dean turned, and was met with the most stunning man he had ever seen. Piercing blue eyes darted around as he ran a hand through his messy black hair, causing it to stick up in all directions. He pursed his plump, chapped lips deep in thought, clenching his sharp, stubble covered jaw. This had to be the hottest guy in all of Santa Monica, if not the world. Dean swallowed thickly, not knowing what to do with himself.

Jake laughed, “Yeah good luck trying to convince Chuck not to worry about something. He’s the most paranoid person I’ve ever met.”

“Indeed,” the handsome man commented softly. Raising his voice, he announced, “Alright, internet is up and running. Shall we give it a test drive? Give me a website." 

But before Jake could reply, he was interrupted by a customer. "Dean, go try it out and report back to me. If you don’t mind,” he said. 

“Ugh, sure,” Dean replied hesitantly. Yeah, no, he had nothing better to do then to talk to the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen. He walked over to said man, sitting at the computers, trying to play it cool.

“Dean was it?” he asked.

“Yeah.” God the man was even more beautiful up close. He was way out of Dean’s league.

“Is Jake your boyfriend?” the man asked indifferently.

“What? No! No, he’s not my boyfriend,” Dean shook his head rattled. Why would this guy care if Jake was his boyfriend?

“Oh, I see. I just assumed. You too seemed close,” the man explained.

“I come here a lot. I just moved here a month ago so I don’t know anyone…. So no boyfriend. I’m, I’m single,” Dean said awkwardly. He thought he saw the corner of the man’s lips turn up.

“Where you from?" 

"Kansas.”

“Aloha cowboy,” the man smiled. Dean smiled back baffled. What was that supposed to mean? Dean didn’t care though, the room wasn’t the only thing lit up by the man’s gummy smile. “So where we going Dean?" 

"What?” Dean asked surprised. This guy wanted to go somewhere with him? Dean was still smiling, riding cloud nine.

“The internet, where are we going on the internet?” the man clarified. 

“Oh, right,” Dean huffed self deprecatingly. Like anyone as good looking as this guy wanted to be seen with him. He told the guy the name of his favorite supernatural chat room, and they were there in an instant.

The man squinted, studying the site, “You go here often?" 

Dean hesitated answering, but then figured it couldn’t hurt to tell the truth. "Yeah, that’s me actually,” Dean said, pointing to his user name under a thread he started.

“Impala67,” the man read out loud.

“I’m usually on Friday and Saturday evenings,” Dean blurted out. He cursed to himself, why did he say that? 

The man checked his watch, sighing loudly, “I have to go to my next appointment. It was nice meeting you Dean,” he said, sticking out his hand. Dean shook it firmly, thrilled at the touch. 

“You too,” Dean replied, not wanting to let his hand go.

“I need my hand back Dean,” the man smiled. Dean ripped his hand away, feeling himself blush. He mumbled a sorry, but didn’t think the other man heard. There was that tiny smirk on his face again. The man turned, walking towards Jake, “You’re good to go. If there’s any problems, tell Chuck to call me.” And with that, the gorgeous man walked out of the cafe and out of Dean’s life. Dean didn’t even catch the man’s name.

“So what do you think?” Jake called out, “you think this internet cafe thing is a good idea?”

Dean smiled, “I know where I’m spending my Friday and Saturday nights from now on.”

The next night, Dean slid into the corner seat, sipping at his iced coffee. (The computers were for paying customers only.) He logged into his favorite chat room, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe that hot blue eyed guy would be on as well. Not that Dean would ever know, but a guy could dream.

Impala67 has signed on.

Impala67: Anyone up for a chat?

Dean waited, praying that Crowley wouldn’t answer. There was a chime, and a new username he’d never seen before popped up. Dean rolled his eyes, but at least there weren’t six x’s in the name like so many people were want to do.

AngelofThursday: Hello. What would you like to chat about? I’m open to anything.

Impala67: I don’t care… 

Oh this is going great, Dean thought to himself. He had to come up something! Anything! 

Impala67: Hey did you see the new episode of Ghostfacers? It was so stupid lol.

AngelofThursday: I’ve never seen that show. Is it good?

Impala67: YOU’VE NEVER SEEN GHOSTFACERS??? It’s the highest rated supernatural reality show ever! What are you doing in this chat room if you’ve never seen it??? Lol

AngelofThursday: I’m trying to meet new people. I’m not very social and someone suggested I try chat rooms.

Oh. Now Dean felt like a dick.

Impala67: No worries, I can relate.

AngelofThursday: Oh?

Impala67: I just moved to southern California and I’m finding it hard to fit in.

Impala67: Hey since you’re new and all and don’t know I’m going to give you a heads up. The people who run the chat rooms don’t like it when you chat off topic since these are public and all.

It wasn’t exactly true, but Dean wasn’t going to spill his heart out to some stranger online.

AngelofThursday: Noted. Well in that case, would you be willing to tell me about Ghostfacers?

Dean spent the next hour babbling about the show, completely ignoring everyone else that joined the chat. The second hour consisted of Dean talking about his few personal supernatural experiences, and the third hour consisted of the other person telling him about the origins of the werewolf legend. It was almost ten p.m. when Dean had to call it quits. The cafe was closing up around him.

Impala67: Hey I got to go, but this was fun. Are you going to be on tomorrow night? 

AngelofThursday: I enjoyed this as well. Yes, I was planning on returning.

Impala67: Cool. I’ll be on the look out for you. Talk to you then, bye. 

Impala67 has signed off.

Dean left the cafe with an optimism be hadn’t felt since moving into his studio. He felt like he was walking home from visiting a friend. He hoped this new person could be an internet pen pal. It would be nice to have someone new to talk to. The next night, Dean slid back into the same seat, sipping another iced coffee. 

Impala67 has signed on.

CrowleyKingofHell: Ohhh, long time no see. Where have you been hiding?

Dean groaned, he did not want to deal with Crowley right now. 

Impala67: I’ve been busy.

Dean needed to give AngelofThursday a heads up on this creep. Dean started a new thread, hoping his new pen pal would see it.

CrowleyKingofHell: You’re not avoiding me are you?

Impala67: No

There was a chime, and another window popped open.

AngelofThursday: Yes? What’s the important information?

Oh thank God. Dean had to tell his friend this before Crowley saw it on the site.

Impala67: There’s a guy on this site goes by CrowleyKingofHell and he’s bad news. Stay away from him.

AngelofThursday: Thank you for telling me, but, and correct me if I’m wrong, but as these forums are public, there is no way to avoid him. Am I correct?

The first window popped up again.

CrowleyKingofHell: Been busy with what? What have you been up to?

CrowleyKingofHell: Why won’t you talk to me? If you don’t talk to me I’m going to cast a spell and summon Hell hounds to get you and drag you to Hell and then you’ll be my bitch!

Dean rolled his eyes. This guy was so fucking dramatic. 

Impala67: Shut the fuck up Crowley! I don’t like you! You’re creepy as fuck! I never want to talk to you again! Fuck off and leave me alone!

Impala67 has signed off.

Dean clicked out of that window, returning to the more enjoyable one.

Impala67: Well I just told him to fuck off so I’m probably going to get blocked from here shortly. That sucks. Really looking forward to talking to you more.

AngelofThursday: Do you have IM?

Impala67: Instant messaging? No I don’t. My brother keeps telling me I should join it or get one or whatever. 

AngelofThursday: He’s right. We can talk privately on IM. I’m sending you a link to set up an account. My username is the same as on here. Come find me when you’re all set up.

Impala67: Awesome! Thanks man. Wait - Shit I’m sorry. Are you a guy or a chick? I don’t even know.

AngelofThursday: I’m male.

A message from the administrators popped up.

A complaint was filed against Impala67. Impala67 violated the chat room’s terms and conditions. Impala67’s account will now be terminated. Have a nice day. 

Dean huffed annoyed. Crowley can talk graphically about sacrificing virgins and disemboweling people for blood magic, but type out the word fuck and he’s the bad guy. At least the IM link was still accessible. Dean followed the directions, setting up a new account on the new website. Finding the IM button, he searched AngelofThursday. One result popped up. He clicked on it.

Impala67: Um hello? 

AngelofThursday: Oh good, you found me. I was worried the link wouldn’t work after that administrator’s message came up.

AngelofThursday: My name is Castiel, by the way. Hence my username. Castiel is the angel of Thursday.

Impala67: Cute. (He deleted that as soon as he typed it out.) Dean knew he shouldn’t give out his real name over the internet, but he was already talking to Cas (he doubted that was his pen pal’s real name) privately, it wasn’t like putting it out there on the public chat room.

Impala67: I’m Dean.

AngelofThursday: Hello Dean, nice to meet you.

Dean’s second month in Santa Monica was decisively better than his first. He still didn’t know too many people, but now Castiel was a firm friend, and he wasn’t feeling so self conscious about his body, despite having gained four pounds from all those damned iced coffees he’d been drinking; which was coming to an end because he had saved up enough money to get his own computer (and internet) at home! Now he could talk to Castiel whenever he wanted to in the privacy of his own apartment - because if he was being honest with himself, he had starting to think of Castiel as more than just a friend. 

The more Dean talked to Cas, the more he realized what a great guy he was. He always asked Dean how his day was, and let him rant about annoying customers, or things that annoyed him in general. And he knew just what to say to get Dean to open up to him if he was feeling down, and he made the stupidest, lamest jokes to try and cheer him up. They never failed to put a smile on Dean’s face. And they weren’t the only thing that put a smile on Dean’s face. 

Recently, he had started… fantasizing about Cas. He had no idea what Castiel looked like, but he liked to imagine he looked like that blue eyed guy he had met at the coffee shop awhile back. He also liked to imagine Cas being dominate, but gentle, holding and kissing his belly, telling Dean how beautiful he thought he was. Yeah, he’d definitely gotten off to that more then once. Or twice. Or three times. Dean didn’t know exactly how or when it happened, but somehow over the month, he’d fallen for his pen pal he’d never even met. In other words, he was fucked. 

He couldn’t tell Cas about his feelings for him - that was weird! And would probably end the friendship. He couldn’t imagine Cas reacting well to being told the guy he’d been talking to for the past month had started masturbating to him. And yet, there was a part of Dean that wanted to tell Cas, to see how he would react, to see what he would do. But that was another of Dean’s fantasies talking. Cas would never go for cyber sex with him - shit Dean didn’t even know if Cas was into guys. (Dean had discovered there were numerous websites dedicated to that, and if sex was something Cas wanted from him, he would have brought it up already - wouldn’t he?)

So when Dean’s IM chimed that night, and he didn’t respond immediately, Castiel knew something was wrong. 

AngelofThursday: Hello Dean. 

AngelofThursday: Dean? Is everything okay? Is something wrong? 

Impala67: Hey Cas I’m ok.

AngelofThursday: Okay? Just okay? Dean are you sure? 

Impala67: Yeah I’m fine. 

Impala67: It’s just - no I’m fine.

AngelofThursday: Dean, talk to me. I’m your friend. I’m here for you. Just talk to me. You know I won’t judge you - if that’s what you’re worried about. 

Dean took a deep breath, not knowing how to start. He did want to talk about it a little bit, get some of these feelings off his chest. 

Impala67: I don’t know where to start.

AngelofThursday: That’s okay, start with whatever you’re thinking right now. 

Dean huffed, that could be dangerous. 

Impala67: You remember when I told you I had trouble fitting in where I live?

AngelofThursday: Southern California right? Yes, I remember. 

Impala67: It’s gotten better. A lot better actually thanks to you. It’s easier having a friend I can talk to but

Impala67: Fuck my thoughts are all over the place.

AngelofThursday: It’s okay Dean, take your time. 

Impala67: I’m gay and chubby and lonely. There I said it. 

Dean waited for Cas to freak out. There weren’t many people who knew he was gay, and even fewer who accepted it. It was one of the reasons why he moved away from Kansas. He couldn’t take his father’s disgust and disappointment. 

AngelofThursday: I see. Are you finding it difficult to find men you’re interested in where you live? 

Dean smiled. This was why he had fallen for Cas. Cas didn’t shame him or embarrass him. He just took what Dean said and tried to help him. 

Impala67: Yeah and finding guys that are interested in me. I’ve heard of a few clubs here in Santa Monica, that’s where I live, but I’ve never been into the club scene. I prefer to meet people organically. Does that make sense? That doesn’t make sense. I’m rambling now. Sorry. 

AngelofThursday: No, I know exactly what you mean. I’m the same way myself, meeting people organically. 

Imala67: Fucking sucks doesn’t it? lol

AngelofThursday: It does get frustrating yes. 

AngelofThursday: Hey Dean?

Impala67: Yes Cas?

AngelofThursday: I’m curious, exactly how chubby are you?

That’s an odd question, Dean thought.

Impala67: Lol I don’t know. My stomach is round and sticks out a little. It’s kinda pudgy. I’m not super big or anything but it’s a good squishy handful I guess.

Dean was getting flustered trying to describe himself. Why would Cas care how fat he was? 

AngelofThursday: It sounds like you have a nice figure. Any guy would be lucky to date you, you know that right? I know we’ve only been communicating for a month, but you’re a really good guy Dean. You have a lot of heart. I’m sure you’ll meet your dream man soon enough. 

Dean couldn’t breath. Cas said he had a nice figure? His cock twitched with happiness. No, no, Dean thought, he’s just being polite. 

Impala67: Thanks man, that’s nice of you to say. 

AngelofThursday: It’s the truth. I hope I meet a guy as kind as you someday.

That caught Dean of guard. 

Impala67: You’re gay?

AngelofThursday: I’m pansexual. I like who I like, regardless of sex or gender.

Dean didn’t understand what Castiel meant by that, and honestly he didn’t really care. All he was focused on was that Cas had said ‘meet a guy as kind as you.’ Did that include him? 

Impala67: Yeah ok, I admit, I’m pretty awesome, but what if I was hideous looking? Then you wouldn’t think I was so great.

AngelofThursday: I highly doubt your hideous looking Dean.

Impala67: But you don’t know what I look like.

AngelofThursday: Then tell me what you look like.

Oh fuck. Dean swallowed hard, pretending it was a gravelly voice that said that.

Impala67: I have green eyes and light brown hair. Some freckles. I’m bowleged. Oh and I’m 6'2.

AngelofThursday: And you’re chubby?

Impala67: Yeah?…

AngelofThursday: See I knew you’re not hideous. You sound gorgeous.

Dean choked on air reading that, the words going straight to his cock. A blush bloomed on his cheeks, spreading throughout his body. Cas thought he was gorgeous? Well this was an unexpected turn of events. How was he going to reply to that and not fuck this up?

Impala67: Thanks.

Oh good reply Winchester. That’ll woo him.

AngelofThursday: I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable? I apologize, I’ll stop.

Impala67: NO NO NO NO NO NO

Fuck if that didn’t look desperate.

Impala67: You’re not making me uncomfortable. I just didn’t know what to say. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Dean wasn’t lying. He was so far in the closet in high school he was too scared to date. He fooled around in vocational school, but those were mostly quick fucks that didn’t mean anything. And once he started working, he was too focused on making money to move out to California.

AngelofThursday: I could say more nice things to you if you’d like.

Impala67: Yeah I’d like that.

AngelofThursday: I also hope you know you are beautiful just the way you are and you shouldn’t judge yourself against other people. You shouldn’t feel negative towards your body or feel pressured to look a certain way. Beauty magazines only promote low self-esteem you know. 

Impala67: Huh, I never thought of it like that before.

AngelofThursday: The only reason why you should lose weight is because you want to and not because someone else is telling you to or shaming you into it. 

Impala67: Cas with all this weight talk I’m starting to think you have a thing for chubby guys.

Castiel didn’t respond immediately which was unusual for him. 

AngelofThursday: I admit, I do have a preference for men larger than myself.

Oh now we’re were getting somewhere, Dean thought excitedly. 

Impala67: Oh yeah? How large are you?

AngelofThursday: I’m six foot, about 160 give or take.

Impala67: Holy shit Cas! I always thought you were like 5'8 or something for some reason.

Of course Cas could be lying, probably was lying, but Dean let his imagination run with it, pairing black hair and blue eyes to the tall frame.

Impala67: You just don’t want guys you got the hots for to get skinny on you. Cas you dirty pervert.

AngelofThursday: No Dean, that’s not it. I also believe people shouldn’t pressure others to gain weight. You shouldn’t do anything just because it’s what someone else wants.

Impala67: I was teasing Cas. I don’t think you’re that kind of person.

AngelofThursday: Oh. I see.

Good going Dean, you just killed the mood, he chastised himself.

Impala67: What do you like about chubby guys?

AngelofThursday: They’re soft. And I just like the way they look. I like when they’re wearing a shirt that’s just a little too tight and it clings to their tummy and you can see all the softness trapped there. I just want to touch it and caresses it.

Impala67: I have a few shirts like that.

AngelofThursday: Yeah?

Impala67: Yeah.

AngelofThursday: I bet you look phenomenal.

Impala67: You should see me in person.

AngelofThursday: I’d like that very much Dean. You said you lived in Santa Monica? I actually live in Mar Vista. Small world humm? We should meet up, if you want.

Wait. What? Shit. Shit. Shit. You do not meet people from the internet! That’s internet 101. They could be a murderer!

AngelofThursday: We don’t have to of course, if you’re uncomfortable with it. I understand, but I just thought since we live so close and you mentioned you were lonely. I remember what it was like when I moved out here, I had trouble meeting people. Still do actually. So I just thought… I mean, we live so close there’s a chance we may have already crossed paths.

Dean’s fingers hesitated over the keys. He was lonely, and it would be nice hanging out with a friend in person. Maybe Cas was just as lonely as he was and simply looking for a friend as well. (Dean wasn’t even going to contemplate the possibility of more then friendship.) He decided to take the plunge. 

Impala67: Where would you want to meet?

AngelofThursday: Do you know The Coffee Bean at the corner of Hayes and Jones? We could meet there. Or anywhere else if you’d prefer.

Impala67: Yeah ok. This Friday at eight work for you?

AngelofThursday: REALLY??? YOU MEAN IT??? Dean I - yes, that works for me! Thank you Dean.

Dean smiled. That was the first time he’d seen Cas write anything other then perfectly standard text.

Impala67: Lol calm down Cas, it’s just me you’re meeting, not some famous celebrity. Hey I got to go, I’ll see you on Friday ok?

AngelofThursday: Have a good night Dean, I’ll see you then.

Impala67 has signed off. 

Dean sighed, covering his face with his hands. “What the fuck am I doing?” he groaned.

*****

Dean’s legs were shaking uncontrollably. He was so nervous! He couldn’t believe he was actually going through with this! He sat smack dab in the middle of the coffee shop, surrounded by people on all sides. At least it was nice and crowded so if this did go south, there were plenty of people around. Safety in numbers right? He crossed his arms, covering his stomach self consciously. (He had decided to wear one of his tighter shirts, totally not because Cas had mentioned he liked it.) Dean checked his watch, it was ten to eight. 

“Hello Dean,” a gravelly voice greeted from behind. 

Dean whipped around, eyes bugging out of his skull. There stood the gorgeous blue eyed man Dean had met a month ago. What was he doing here?

“What are you doing here?” Dean blurted out.

“I’m meeting a friend,” he replied with a gracefully arched eyebrow.

“Me too! Hey it’s pretty crowded here tonight, you wanna sit and wait for them here?”

“Thank you,” the man replied, sitting across from Dean. He ran his hand through his hair, accidentally fluffing it up. Dean had forgotten just how attractive this guy was. He felt he should try to attempt small talk while they waited.

“So…” What the hell should he say?

“Do you still go to that website you showed me?” blue eyes asked.

Shit he remembered that? “Naw, I got kicked off of it, but I got a friend out of it. He’s the one I’m meeting tonight,” Dean said.

“You’re meeting a guy off the internet? Do you even know what he looks like? Dean what if he’s a creep?”

Dean shrugged, “Yeah I know it’s risky, but he wasn’t pushy about meeting me-”

Frowning, the man leaned forward, “Or he could be lulling you into a false sense of security. Dean, promise me you won’t meet anyone else off the internet.”

“I think you should leave,” Dean said firmly.

The man’s face fell, “Dean, it’s me. I’m Castiel, I’m AngelofThursday. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I thought it would make you uncomfortable, knowing that I sought you out on that website. I wanted to talk to you more, that first day we met, but I really did have another appointment I had to get to. I was already running late. And once we started talking privately I didn’t know how to bring it up and when you mentioned seeing you in person I thought it was perfect because since we’ve been talking for awhile and you’ve gotten to know me you wouldn’t be quite so upset with me. I’m sorry Dean, I don’t have very good people skills. It’s why I’m single and - keep to myself mostly.”

Dean listened to Castiel in stunned silence. His pen pal was the hot guy from the coffee shop. His pen pal, who he had started fantasizing about, was the hot guy from the coffee shop. His pen pal, who was the hot guy from the coffee shop, had admitted to Dean he hoped to meet a guy as kind as him, and had a thing for chubby guys, and thought Dean would look phenomenal in tight shirts. Was this some sort of cruel cosmic joke? Things like this didn’t happen to Dean.

Dean sighed loudly, Castiel looked sick with worry and regret. “I have two questions for you. First, if I had said no to this meeting, would you have ever told me who you were?”

“Yes. I was trying to hint at it when I said living so close to each other our paths may have already crossed. I honestly thought you were going to say no to this. I was going to telling you right then; I was tired of keeping up the deception, but then you agreed and I thought this conversation would go better in person then over the internet. I’m sorry Dean, I just wanted to get to know you,” Castiel apologized again.

“Second question, now that you’ve seen me - again - in person, do you still think I look phenomenal?” Dean smirked.

Castiel squinted, tilting his head. “I didn’t mean to objectify you Dean. I was -”

“Just answer the question Cas,” Dean interrupted sharply.

“I think you look very handsome, more than handsome,” Castiel muttered, blushing.

Dean lowered his voice, “I wore this shirt especially for you.” Castiel’s blush deepened. “I remembered what you said about wanting to touch the softness trapped inside the shirt. Do you want to touch me Cas? Do you want to touch my soft tummy?”

Shit, Dean was kinda getting off on this - until Castiel bolted from the table and out the door. Dean chased after him, calling out for him to stop. He caught up to Castiel at a crosswalk.

“Cas what -”

“I’m sorry I deceived you, but I do not appreciate being publicly humiliated, rubbing in what I can’t have,” Castiel hissed as his eyes raked over Dean. 

Jesus Christ, he wasn’t kidding when he said he had bad people skills, Dean thought. “Cas, I was flirting with you.” Castiel stared at him with an intense silence. Maybe I should be more plain, Dean reflected. “I forgive you Cas, for not being honest with me. I don’t condone it, but I understand why you did it, especially after talking to you for more than five minutes.” Castiel looked down embarrassed. “And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t imagining and fantasizing you were that mysterious hot guy from the coffee shop, so I wasn’t exactly as truthful with you either.”

Castiel looked up, a small smile playing on his lips. “You’ve been fantasizing about me?”

Dean felt himself blush as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Is it really that big of a surprise? You’re the most stunning person I’ve ever seen.”

Castiel’s smile grew, turning gummy. “Have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re pretty stunning yourself Dean.” Dean huffed a laugh as they stared at each other like two love sick teenagers.

“I’m thinking about inviting my internet friend back to my place, what do you think about that? It’s just two blocks that way,” Dean pointed.

“I think that’s highly irresponsible of you,” Castiel replied through a smile. “But I think he would be a fool to turn you down.”

“Well come on then hot stuff,” Dean said, holding out his hand. Castiel took it gently, allowing Dean to lead him to his apartment.

“It’s a studio apartment, so the only place to sit is on my bed,” Dean said, unlocking his door. Castiel entered, looking around. It was sparely furnished - a bed, a nightstand, a table with two chairs, and a small desk with a computer on it. It was the stereotypical bachelor pad, but at least it was clean and tidy. “I’m trying to save up for a nicer apartment, but it’s hard ‘cuz I’m also trying to save up some money for my brother who’s starting Stanford this year. Don’t want him having to work while he goes to school you know?” Dean said, clearly embarrassed by his meager living. 

Castiel smiled reassuringly, “That’s very honorable of you Dean.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders, “Not really. As soon as he becomes a rich lawyer I’m gonna mooch off of him. I’m looking at this like an investment,” Dean laughed. “Make yourself comfortable, do you want anything? I got Cokes or beer, or popcorn?“

"I’ll take a Coke, thank you,” Castiel replied, sitting down on Dean’s bed. He smiled, feeling it was memory foam. Dean spent money where it counted.

“Here you go,” Dean said, handling Castiel a coke. “Scoot over,” he said, nudging Castiel’s leg. 

“Thank you Dean. I like your bed. It’s very comfortable,” he replied, making room for Dean.

Dean smiled, taking a swig of beer. “A man really only needs two things. A comfortable bed, and comfortable shoes,” he said, kicking off his shoes. 

“Well said,” Castiel replied, doing the same. They drank in awkward silence, staring at their feel. 

“I would ask if you want to watch TV, but -” Dean laughed. 

“It’s okay Dean. I’d be too distracted anyways,” he replied, looking over Dean hungrily. Dean had a feeling Castiel was too polite to try or even to ask if they could fool around, so Dean made the first move. 

He set his beer on the night stand, absentmindedly rubbing his stomach. He could feel Castiel’s eyes searing into him. Dean smirked smugly at Castiel, “Did you want to…” he trailed off knowingly. 

“Dean,” Castiel said thickly, squeezing his Coke can. 

“Give me that,” Dean mused softly, taking the can and placing it on the end table. 

“Dean, I don’t want you to feel obligated -” 

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to Cas.”

Castiel searched Dean’s eyes - and then he was on him, taking Dean by surprise. He was propped up on his elbows, laying in between Dean’s legs, lovingly running his hands over Dean’s tummy. It was kinda adorable, and kinda hot, almost like he was worshiping Dean’s tummy. Castiel lowered his head, but caught himself, looking up at Dean. “Can I kiss you?” Dean nodded frantically.

Castiel smirked, pressing his lips to Dean’s tummy. Dean moaned softly, feeling the heat of Castiel’s lips through his thin t-shirt. Oh, that felt nice, so nice. Much nicer than in his fantasies. “You’re so beautiful like this, laid out for me, so soft and pliant,” Castiel whispered, applying kisses. And yep, there went Dean’s cock happily coming to life. “Thank you for this Dean,” Castiel whispered, gently squeezing Dean’s tummy. 

“You’re welcome,” Dean whimpered, confused as to why Castiel was thanking him. He was the one who should be giving thanks. All Cas was doing was kissing his stomach, but this was the most turned on he’d ever been in his life. Castiel’s eyes lit up as he lifted Dean’s shirt, exposing his soft, round tummy. He worked the warm flesh between his teeth, leaving tiny hickeys in his wake. Dean arched his back, feeling his cock rub up against Castiel’s chest. Castiel froze, looking up at Dean.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat as he watched Castiel slowly, questioningly, pop the button of Dean’s jeans. Dean shook his head yes, and Castiel freed Dean, pulling his pants and boxers off. But, to Dean’s dismay, Castiel returned to kissing his stomach, completely ignoring his leaking cock. Maybe Castiel didn’t like giving blow jobs? Which was a real fucking shame because it was a sin to waste those plush lips of his. Castiel squeezed Dean’s stomach harder as Dean gasped, feeling said lips against the side of his cock.

Castiel kissed up and down Dean’s length, massaging his stomach. Dean moaned as Castiel began kissing back and forth between his cock and the soft swell of his tummy. The kisses were so innocent and yet so kinky they were turning Dean on something fierce. Castiel licked Dean’s slit, lapping up the pre-cum he found. He took Dean into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head teasingly. Dean groaned as his eyes met Castiel’s, watching as his cock slid back and forth between Castiel’s plush lips. Fuck that was hot - too hot.

“Cas, Cas, wait, stop,” Dean pleaded brokenly. Castiel stopped, sitting up as Dean removed his shirt. “Kiss me,” Dean said, reaching for Castiel. Castiel covered Dean, kissing him deeply. Dean moaned into Castiel’s mouth, feeling Castiel’s erection pressed against him, “Take off your clothes. I want to see you.” Castiel straddled Dean, pulled off his shirt. He was working on his pants when he noticed Dean staring at him wide eyed.

Dean was in awe. Fuck, Cas was ripped! He was afraid he was going to cut himself on Castiel’s hip bones. With a body like that he should be an underwear model, not installing computers in coffee shops. “Should I put my shirt back on?” Castiel asked in a small voice.

“What? No! Why would you want to cover that up? You’re fucking hot!” Dean proclaimed, and to emphasize his point, he tackled Castiel to the bed, kissing him.

Castiel smiled against Dean’s lips, “That’s how I feel about you.” Dean smiled back, blushing. He removed Castiel’s pants, looking him over. God the things he wanted to do to him. Castiel was remarkably gorgeous, almost ethereal in nature. The way his eyes seemed to glow blue in the darkness, and his cock curved up towards him, almost beckoning Dean to touch him.

Dean kissed Castiel languidly, “I’m thinking about sleeping with my internet friend.” A deep, rich laugh escaped from Castiel, shaking his entire body. He grabbed Dean’s wrist, sucking two of his fingers into his mouth. Dean’s eyes widened in surprise. He thought for sure Cas would have wanted to top and fuck into his tummy. “You wanna bottom?” Dean asked, just to make sure.

Castiel released Dean’s fingers with a loud pop. “If you don’t mind. I can top next time if you want - if there will be a next time,” Castiel said hopefully. 

Dean smiled, “Fuck no I don’t mind. And don’t you worry, there will definitely be a next time.” Dean teased Castiel’s rim, tracing around it before slipping a finger in. Castiel moaned softly as his eyes fluttered shut, feeling Dean’s hand on his cock. Dean worked Castiel with both hands, teasing his slit with his thumb. Castiel bit his lower lip as he arched his back. Dean slipped in a second finger, pumping and stretching Castiel. Castiel moaned, rolling his hips, calling for Dean. 

Dean groaned, Castiel sounded wrecked, like he was going to come just from Dean’s hands. The thought sent a wave of arousal through him. He kissed Castiel, swallowing his pleas, pumping him at each end a few more times for good measure. Dean crawled on top of Castiel, positioning himself, “You ready?" 

Castiel ran his hands up and down Dean’s sides, digging his fingers into Dean’s hips, "You feel so fucking good Dean.”

“I haven’t done anything yet,” Dean replied.

“Still feel amazing though,” Castiel said, guiding Dean into a kiss. Dean entered Castiel, both men groaning into each other’s mouth. Dean grabbed Castiel’s muscular legs, throwing them around him as he thrusted into Castiel. Castiel gripped Dean where he could, just trying to hang on. He was getting fucked into the mattress and he loved it. He loved the feeling of Dean slamming into him, and he loved the feeling of his cock rubbing against Dean’s soft, warm stomach. He moaned Dean’s name, babbling out praises.

Dean moaned, he was getting drunk off Castiel’s praises. He thrusted just right, hitting Castiel’s prostate. Castiel let out a strangled gasp, begging Dean to do that again. A wild grin spread across Dean’s face as he slammed into Castiel. He wanted to see Castiel come so badly. Castiel was already so beautiful, he couldn’t imagine him getting any more gorgeous - but he was wrong. Castiel’s head fell back and his mouth fell open as a scream ripped out of him, coating Dean in thick ribbons. The sight drove Dean over the edge. His hips jerked erratically, emptying into Castiel. Breathlessly, Dean collapsed on top of Castiel. He smiled, feeling Castiel run his hands over his back.

Once Dean caught his breath, he said, “You can spend the night - if you want.”

“I’d like that very much,” Castiel smiled, kissing Dean.

Dean grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, "You wanna clean me off?“

Castiel smirked back, "Something tells me you’re only going to get dirtier.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Like meeting someone off the the internet?” Castiel teased.

“Cas,” Dean replied seriously, looking into his eyes, “I promise, I won’t meet anyone else off of the internet.”

Castiel smiled softly, “Good, because I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21, I Miss You, is the sequel to this.


	7. All Around Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a crush on actor Castiel, and when he comes to work on Dean's set, Dean sets out to make friends with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T for sexual suggestiveness
> 
> Song: All Around Me  
> Album: Savage Garden (Australian Release); or, more commonly found on The Singles

“Dean, you’re such a good boy. You make me so happy when you obey me. You’re doing such a good job. Just a few more minutes, can you do that for me baby? Can you hang on for a few more minutes?” Castiel purred in Dean’s ear.

“You’re not day dreaming about your imaginary boyfriend again are you?” Charlie asked, startling Dean from his fantasy. Dean jumped, dropping the magazine. It landed right where Dean had been looking, on the centerfold of Castiel Novak. Charlie scooped it up before Dean could get to it. She held it up, looking the photo over. “He’s okay looking I guess,” she commented.

Dean gasped, ripping the magazine away from her. “Okay looking you guess? What are you blind? He’s beautiful.” He pressed the centerfold to his chest, whispering, “It’s okay Cas, she didn’t mean it.” Charlie snorted, rolling her eyes.

Castiel Novak was the star of Dean’s favorite show, Secret Angel, where Castiel played an angel, healing people, pretending to be a doctor. Honestly, it wasn’t that great of a show, but Castiel was carrying it on his talent and his rugged good looks. Dean never missed an episode, not since the pilot aired three years ago. Since then, Dean had become a bit obsessed with the actor - following him on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, anything even remotely connected to Castiel, Dean was all over it. In fact, he even entered the entertainment industry just to be closer to him. 

Castiel was a notoriously private and elusive celebrity. Sure he would tweet or post pictures a couple of times a month, but he kept mostly to himself on and off the set. The gossip blogs all said it was because Castiel was stuck up and elitist, but Dean didn’t think that was the case. Dean had repeatedly watched the handful of interviews Castiel had given over the years, and what Dean saw was someone who was uncomfortable with the spotlight. Castiel came off reserved, thoughtful, modest, and maybe even a bit cold; but nothing indicated to Dean that Castiel was a stuck up assbutt like the media portrayed him as. (And that wasn’t just because he had a raging crush on him.) Most of Castiel’s tweets were polite responses to fans and his photos were of nature, or architecture. No texts or images of him partying it up in exclusive clubs or women hanging all over him.

So when it was announced Castiel would be appearing in a three episode arc as a guest on the show he was working on, Dean lost his shit. This was his chance to be around his crush and to interact with him! Dean was positive it was because of the psychic he had started seeing. Pamela had been teaching him about the powers of psychic suggestion. (Dean figured the lessons couldn’t hurt anything, except for his bank account.) Every day for five months Dean had sat in a ring of quartz crystal and focused his energy, imagining Castiel guest starring on his show - and it had finally paid off! The wait between the announcement and the filming date had been tortuous for Dean, but it also gave him the opportunity to brush up on more information about Castiel; like reading old magazine articles, which was exactly what he had been doing when Charlie interrupted him….. yeah….. reading articles… totally not engaging in sexual day dreams…

“I know I don’t have to ask you if you’re excited about today,” Charlie smiled mischievously. “You gonna turn the ol’ Winchester charm on him?”

Dean felt his face burst into flame. “I wasn’t planning on it. I don’t want to come off like a stalker and freak him out,” he replied. 

“Tell me you’re at least going get a selfie with him. Or are you going to get that autographed?” she asked, pointing to the magazine Dean was still clutching. 

Dean looked at Charlie like she was crazy, “I’m not getting this autographed.” The magazine was in horrible condition, not fit for an autograph at all! No, Dean had printed out his favorite picture of Castiel on glossy photo paper. That is what Castiel would be autographing, if Dean could work up the courage to ask.

“Are you going to wait for him outside? When he arrives? I think you should, then you’ll be one of the first faces he sees when arrives at the studio,” she suggested.

Shit, that actually wasn’t a bad idea, Dean thought happily. And that was how an hour later, Dean found himself in the parking lot, frantically pacing back and forth, waiting for Castiel Novak to arrive. Dean didn’t have to wait long. His stomach flipped hearing the roar of an engine, and he broke out into a smile seeing Castiel’s blue Porsche 911. “Alright Dean, this is your moment, first impression. Don’t fuck it up,” Dean said quietly, giving himself a pep talk.

Castiel parked, exiting the car. Dean heard himself gasp. Castiel was even more gorgeous in person! Pictures and television didn’t do him justice! He couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Oh god - he was walking right towards Dean. Right towards Dean! It was now or never.

“Hello Mr. Novak,” Dean said, waving excitedly. 

“Hello,” Castiel replied curtly in that gravelly voice of his, making Dean’s cock twitch. 

“Nice car you got there,” Dean smiled.

Castiel paused, looked at his car, then looked back at Dean. “It’s just a car,” he replied and continued on his way. Yeah, okay, Dean could see where people thought Castiel was stuck up, but it didn’t change his opinion of him. He had half an hour before he was needed on set and standing next to Castiel. Dean wasn’t an actor, he couldn’t act to save his life; but, he could stand around with a boom mic in his hands. He figured being a boom operator was even better than being an actor, because he would constantly be around Castiel recording him, whereas if he was an actor, he might only have a few scenes with him, or none at all.

The crew (including Dean) had already been waiting fifteen minutes when Castiel arrived on set. Dean heard his co-workers muttering angrily. Who did this Castiel think he was, holding them up, arriving late to set. They had a schedule to keep. As Dean and Castiel took their positions, Dean fought himself not to blatantly stare. He had rarely seen Castiel out of his character’s scrubs. Dean knew nothing of Castiel’s guest character, it being kept tightly under wraps, but whoever he was, he apparently wore perfectly tailored Armani suits. Dean was sure if he opened his mouth to speak he would have drooled.

“I apologize for my tardiness. You’re make up girl, Charlie, she is… very talkative,” Castiel said to everyone and no one in particular. Dean felt all the blood drain from his face. WHAT DID CHARLIE SAY TO HIM? However, Dean didn’t have time to dwell on that horrifying thought because Castiel was standing on his marker and the director was yelling action.

Dean couldn’t believe how close he was to Castiel. He could confirm that Castiel did indeed smell like a confusingly delicious mixture of cinnamon and watermelon, just like the gossip blogs said. Dean watched in fascination as Castiel became a completely different person. This new character had a sneer on his face and a dangerous look in his eye. This was the exact opposite of his angel character. Dean was in awe. From what he could gather from the multiple takes, Castiel’s character - Dimitri, was a Russian hit man for the mob. Apparently, he was the best in the business and the favor he was being shown was causing unrest in the ranks. Someone had turned snitch. The F.B.I. we’re just about to burst in and arrest Dimitri when the director called cut, and they were off for lunch.

Dean slowly put his gear away, wondering if Castiel would eat with the rest of the crew. He hoped be could get a seat next to the actor. Excitedly, Dean made his way towards the catering. He spotted Castiel sitting alone, eating a salad. Dean frowned. He picked up a hamburger and fries, and headed over to Castiel.

“Can I join you?” Dean asked, shifting his weight nervously.

Castiel looked up from his lunch surprised. “Of course,” he replied coolly.

“Thanks!” Dean said a little too happily. I can’t believe I’m sitting across from him, he thought excitedly. I should say something, I should say something. The two sat in awkward silence, the sound of chewing food filling the air. Dean opened his mouth, paused, and then closed it. Dean opened his mouth again, “I feel no matter what I say it’s going to come off creepy.” Castiel made a sound like he was choking - but he was smiling. A full on eye crinkling, gummy smile. Dean’s heart soared, knowing he had caused that.

“That’s the most honest thing anyone’s said to me in a very long time,” Castiel mused, still smiling. “Now that you’ve gotten that out of the way, what would you like to say?”

Dean dove in, “I think it’s really smart of you, doing this role. You’re being wasted on Secret Angel. You don’t get to show any range. This will show what you can do as an actor.”

Castiel squinted at Dean, “That’s what I tried explaining to my agent. Secret Angel will be over in two years, and I don’t want to get typecasted. This was the most different role I could think of.”

Dean smiled, “Well you picked a good one. You got any ideas on what you want your next project to be?”

“Not really, but playing a villain would be fun. I’m enjoying this role immensely,” Castiel admitted. “What’s your name?”

“Dean, Dean Winchester,” Dean replied, offering Castiel his hand. Castiel shook it firmly, and Dean swallowed a moan. 

“I guess you know who I am,” Castiel said with a small, shy smile. “Charlie mentioned you, said you were her best friend. Actually, all she did was talk about you.”

Dean blushed from embarrassment, “Oh god, I’m sorry about that.”

“She really cares about you, and I can see why,” Castiel said softly, making Dean’s blush deepen. "I’ve never had such a friendly face greet me at the studio before. It’s a nice change.”

“Not so friendly on your set hu?”

Castiel looked down, stabbing at his salad absentmindedly. “I’m very introverted, so I don’t always have the best people skills, and I don’t always make the best first impressions and… you know what it’s like in the industry.”

Dean nodded sympathetically, his suspicions were correct. “Well luckily for you, I’m very extroverted and I have great people skills. I can introduce you to some people - hell, you already know Charlie and who knows, maybe your three episode arc will turn into something more.”

Castiel frowned, “But I’m contracted for two more years on Secret Angel. Two years is a long time for a character to disappear.”

“Dimitri’s about to be busted by the Feds right? Now I don’t know the script, but I could definitely see him cutting a deal and serving for a couple of years.”

“And looking for revenge once he’s out,” Castiel added.

Dean smiled, “I’d watch that. Bet a lot of people would watch that.”

“And you said you know people?”

“I’ve made friends with one of the writers, he’s not a head writer mind you, but he’s looking to make a name for himself. I think this could be good for the both of you.” Of course, Dean didn’t mention the writer in question, Chuck, was the first friendship he cultivated, just in case Castiel ever did appear on the show. Dean had left nothing to chance. He had also made friends with one of the lighting guys, who just happened to be the son of the casting director.

“And what do you get out of all this?” Castiel asked.

“A new friend, I hope.”

Castiel smiled “I’d like that Dean. I’d like that very much.” Dean returned the smile, he had a feeling be was going to be around Castiel a lot more often, and he couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 22, Creepin' Up on You is the sequel to this.


	8. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel stumble around confessing their feelings to each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T for language
> 
> Song: Mine  
> Album: Savage Garden (Australian Release)

Dean shivered in the cold night air. He was taking a walk around the bunker, trying to clear his head. He couldn’t ignore his feelings for Castiel anymore, and lord knows he tried - tried for years to ignore the way Castiel looked at him, tried for years to ignore the way his heart would ache every time the angel left his side. There wasn’t much Dean wanted in life, but he did want Castiel, in more ways than one. He wanted to be his lover, his partner, his husband. He wanted to have a family with the angel, raise children with him. He wanted his apple pie life he had given up on. The older Dean got, the more he thought it might be possible - if he hadn’t already blown it.

There had been opportunities in the past, but Dean was too scared to say anything. Scared of his own feelings and scared of Castiel’s rejection. Yeah there were (Dean hoped longing) looks and Castiel had saved his life more than once, but Dean couldn’t be sure how the angel felt. He thought, hoped Castiel would say something while he was human, with all those newly human emotions coursing through him - but no luck. Then again, Dean kicking Castiel out of the bunker didn’t help any. Dean kicked a rock in frustration.

Where was Castiel anyways? Dean hadn’t seen him in weeks. It made him uncomfortable, when Castiel disappeared for days at a time. It reminded him of the time when he thought the Leviathans had killed Castiel. Dean wondered where Castiel was, and what he was doing. Was Castiel thinking of him? Was he a fool for thinking he had a chance with the angel?

“Cas,” Dean called out softly.

There was a gust of wind and the sound of flapping wings. “You called?” Castiel’s gravelly voice asked. Dean’s eyes widened in surprised. He wasn’t expecting Castiel to come. He hadn’t even prayed to the angel. What was Castiel going here? He doesn’t appear for weeks (when Dean had prayed to him) and then he shows up at a whisper of his name? It made Dean angry.

“No, I didn’t call,” Dean replied sharply, turning towards Castiel. The moonlight revealed the angel’s raised eyebrow.

“My apologies, I thought I heard you say my name,” Castiel said.

Dean knew there was no point denying it. “Yeah, I said your name okay? So what? Can’t I say your name without you running to me?” Dean hated himself for saying it, but he was feeling scared and defensive. He didn’t know if he was more scared of his feelings for Castiel, or the possibility of Castiel returning his feelings. The only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting it.

“If you didn’t want me to come, why did you say my name?” Castiel asked.

Shit, that was a good question. “I don’t know, I just said your name okay?”

“Do you say my name for no reason often?” Castiel asked. There was no coyness or amusement in his voice. Dean was grateful for the darkness that surrounded him. He suddenly felt naked and exposed. He knew he should tell Castiel how he felt, but his fear was stopping him.

*****

Castiel shifted his weight, waiting for Dean’s answer. He could hear Dean’s heartbeat racing. Why would Dean’s heart be racing? It was a simple question, do you say my name for no reason often? And his follow up question, if so, why? Castiel hoped it was because Dean was thinking about him. Castiel was always thinking about Dean - what Dean was doing, if Dean was happy. It broke his heart, not being able to answer Dean’s prayers to him, and Dean had been praying to him quite a bit over the past few weeks. But he was busy attending to important things, things that could help Dean. Everything he did was for Dean, surely Dean knew that by now - didn’t he?

“I was wondering where you were. Hadn’t seen or heard from you in awhile, and I just said your name,” Dean finally answered.

“Oh, I see… I’ve been busy,” the angel replied.

“Busy doing what?”

“Stuff,” Castiel said slowly, drawing out the word. 

He caught Dean rolling his eyes, “Fine, keep your secrets.” Castiel thought it best to leave the subject alone.

“So, you were thinking about me?” Castiel asked causally.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah?” Castiel knew what that body language meant.

“I think about you too,” Castiel confessed. Despite the sliver of moonlight, Castiel caught Dean’s eyes widen. 

Dean recovered quickly, “Shit you better, you’re my guardian angel.”

“And your friend.”

“And my friend,” Dean echoed softly, sadly.

“Perhaps, more than friends?” Castiel asked hopefully. The angel had fallen for the human as soon as he laid his hand on him. Dean however, as Castiel came to realize, didn’t feel the same, at least, not consciously. There were numerous looks and comments over the years, scrapes really - but they were enough to sustain Castiel, and give him hope that maybe Dean could be his, eventually. Not to mention, in every alternative universe Castiel had been to, he and Dean were always a couple, in one way or another. This reality was the only exception, so why couldn’t Dean just admit his feelings?

“Is that something you’d want?” Dean asked. Castiel was shocked. Was this it? Was Dean finally being honest with himself? Was Dean about to confess and admit his feelings for him?

“Yes Dean, I would like to be more than friends with you,” Castiel replied. 

Dean’s smile lit up the darkness. “Cas, I was yours the moment you seared your hand print into me.”

“I’ve always felt the same,” Castiel deadpanned. Dean laughed, overcome with mirth.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come to my senses,” Dean apologized.

“Better late than never,” Castiel smiled back.


	9. I'll Bet He Was Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Free Will has a conversation about Jesus in the modern age of celebrity ... Yeah, it's a bit of an odd one lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated G
> 
> Song: I'll Bet He Was Cool  
> Album: Truly Madly Deeply Single; or, more commonly found on Truly Madly Completely: The Best of Savage Garden

“Hey Cas, can I ask you a question?” Sam asked.

“Of course,” Castiel replied, looking up from his book.

“Did you know Jesus?”

“I saw him around Heaven from time to time, but no, I did not know him. Gabriel did, they liked making each other laugh,” Castiel said, smiling at the memories.

“Who liked making each other laugh?” Dean asked, entering the library.

“Gabriel and Jesus,” Castiel replied. Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes, taking a seat next to Castiel. The angel turned back to Sam, “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. I’ve been wondering what would happen to society if Jesus did come back.”

“He’d get thrown in the loony bin. Come on, some guy claiming to be the second coming of Jesus, the son of God? Everyone would think he was nuts,” Dean said. 

“Until they saw him perform a miracle,” Castiel replied. 

“What, turn water into wine? People would think he was a crazy magician. And there’s so many skeptics now, no one would believe he cured someone’s cancer, or brought back a guy from the dead. Come on Cas, you’ve been around humans long enough now to know what we’re like,” Dean said. Castiel looked at Sam, but could tell from the look on his face he agreed with his older brother. Dean continued, “I bet he’d be cool though, and good looking. He’d have that exotic look that’s in right now, you know? And I bet he’d smell divine.” He waited for Sam and Cas to laugh at his joke, but it went completely over the angel’s head, and Sam just gave him his best bitch face. “Aww, come on! That was funny!”

“Interesting you mention that, the few times I did pass Jesus in Heaven, he did always smell good - like frankincense,” Castiel said. Sam let out an amused huff. 

“Why is that funny?” Dean asked annoyed. “You know what, doesn’t matter… what do you think he’d wear?” Dean wracked his brain trying to think of a designer or brand, or style other then plaid. “Hilfiger, I bet he’d wear Tommy Hilfiger.” 

Castiel squinted his eyes, looking at Dean, “No, Jesus would not wear that, whoever that is. He always wore plain robes.”

“Times change Cas,” Dean retorted. 

“I think Cas is right, Jesus wouldn’t wear designer clothes… I bet he’d like Gaultier, but he wouldn’t wear it,” Sam chimed in.

“What the hell is Gaultier?” Dean asked, making Sam laugh. 

After Sam recovered, he tried turning the conversation serious again. “Why do you think he’s never tried to help us? With the apocalypse, or Amara, or anything?”

Castiel shrugged, looking sad and lost. “I don’t know. Same reason why God has never helped I suppose, whatever reason that may be.” 

Dean slapped Castiel on the shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “We don’t need them. We’ve never gotten their help before and it’s always worked out - not great sure, but we’ve always gotten the job done without them. We didn’t need them then and we don’t need them now.” 

"Still, a little help wouldn’t hurt,” Castiel said, anger creeping into his voice.

Sam tried to lighten the mood, “Alright Dean, if you’re so smart and know humanity so well, what would you suggest Jesus do so he doesn’t end up in the loony bin.”

Dean answered immediately, “He should be a movie star. Think about it - Movie stars are the most influential people in the world. People are obsessed with them, they’re the new idols. Movie stars can get their fans to do anything. No one would think it weird if he told his fans to be kind to each other, or to volunteer, or to donate money to charities. Hell, he’d probably start his own charity and his fans would love him for it. He’d be hiding in playing sight. Perfect disguise.” 

Sam looked thoughtful, thinking it over, “You may have a point.”

“Damn right. And you know he’d have the charisma to pull it off. If he could get a religious following lasting two thousand years and counting up off the ground, think of what he would do with the internet and social media. He had true star quality Sam - like - like Elvis, times a million.”

Sam chuckled, “Exaggerating much?”

“Dean is right. I remember how people reacted around Jesus when he was on Earth. People could tell there was something divine about him. They would cry and go into a frenzy at the mere sight of him, and lovingly throw themselves at him,” Castiel commented.

“I meant exaggerating comparing Elvis to Jesus,” Sam smiled. 

“Oh,” the angel replied flatly. 

Dean grinned, “I don’t know, that sounded like you were describing Elvis to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying Misha is Jesus, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me if Misha turned out to be Jesus lol xD


	10. This Side of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel explore a few of their kinks together. Absolute pure smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating E for nothing but smut!
> 
> Song: This Side of Me  
> Album: Truly Madly Deeply Single (UK Release); or, more commonly found on Truly Madly Completely: The Best of Savage Garden

Dean waited outside the bunker nervously. He and Cas were about to do their first scene together. They had officially been a couple for almost three months when Dean brought it up - kink exploration. And as Dean discovered, Castiel was more than eager to talk about sex in any capacity. The angel found human sexuality fascinating, it was laced with nuance and complexity. He really was intrigued as to why a person would slap the rear of someone if they loved them.

Relieved that Castiel was so susceptible to kinks (Dean didn’t know why Castiel wouldn’t be) he asked if they could explore their kinks together. Castiel agreed wholeheartedly, but confessed regretfully that he didn’t think he had any kinks. Dean doubted that was true, Castiel just hadn’t discovered them yet, and he was more than happy to help Castiel figure them out.

Dean disappeared for a moment, returning with a pen and two sheets of paper. Dean wrote his name at the top of one sheet, divided it into three, then did the same on the other sheet, writing Castiel’s name at the top. One column was label ‘yes’, the second column 'maybe’, and the third column 'fuck no.' 

“Okay, this is kinda obvious. This column is for stuff you’re in to or really wanna try. This column is for stuff you’re not sure about. You wanna try it someday, eventually. And this column are your no goes, absolutely will not do, no compromising, never happen. Remember that video you found a week ago? The German one?” Castiel nodded yes. “All of that, goes in this column,” Dean said, writing down choking, pain play, blood play, knife play, water sports, and scat play.

Castiel took the pen from Dean, writing down the same things in the same column. “You couldn’t actually choke me, but I don’t like the idea of it,” Castiel said.

Dean took the pen back, “On to more pleasurable things yeah?”

“Yes.”

Dean took a deep breath, time to confess his kinks, “I um - I like wearing panties.”

Castiel was completely unfazed. “What kind of panties do you like to wear?”

The gravelly question went straight to Dean’s cock. “I like to wear silky panties,” he replied thickly. 

“I’d like to see you in them,” Castiel replied.

“Yeah? That - that can be arranged,” Dean smiled.

Castiel grinned, “Good.” He waited for Dean to add it to the appropriate column. When he didn’t, Castiel raised an eyebrow, “Are you going to write that down?” 

“Yes sir,” Dean said, writing it down. It wasn’t until he looked at Castiel that he realized what he’d let slip.

“Sir?” Castiel questioned. 

Dean blushed as his entire body grew warm with embarrassment and arousal. “I um - I also like being submissive, in the bedroom,” he admitted. He wasn’t planning on divulging that information until later, but time to get that conversation over with, Dean supposed. It took about half an hour to explain to Castiel dominance and submission, scenes, colors, safe words, and after care. 

Castiel commented he had noticed Dean allowing him to take the lead more often then not in the bedroom - and that he had enjoyed it. Both men added their respective roles in the yes column. Dean also added dirty talk and praises to his yes column. He heard Castiel make a low moan in this throat, as if he was approving. 

“I can fill in the rest of my stuff later, what about you? What do you want to try?” Dean asked, nudging Castiel in the side. 

“I don’t know. Suggestions?”

Dean thought for a minute, chuckling, “Well, you seem to have a thing for the pizza man.”

“Dean, that was only because that was my introduction to human sexuality. I -”

“I’m teasing babe, but it does give me an idea. We could do a role play scene where I’m a pizza man coming to deliver pizza to you. It’s corny, but,” Dean gave Castiel his best dazzling smile. 

“And I would be the babysitter?” Castiel asked. Dean barked out a laugh. 

“No! No! You’d be some important businessman or something and when you see me, you can’t help yourself. I’m too adorable,” Dean grinned, becoming excited by the simple scene coming together. 

“Do I still get to spank you?” Castiel asked matter - of - factly. 

A coy smile formed on Dean’s lips, “Cas, I thought you said you didn’t have any kinks. You been holdin’ out on me?”

“Is spanking considered a kink? I only suggested it because that is what happened between the pizza man and the babysitter,” Castiel explained. 

“It’s worth exploring, don’t you think?” Dean winked. Castiel took the pen from Dean, writing down spanking and role play.

“I definitely think it’s worth exploring,” Castiel replied, kissing Dean.

*****

A week later, the details of the scene were planned out, and they were ready to go. Dean waited outside the bunker nervously, twirling an empty pizza box in his hands. He was more nervous for Castiel then himself. Castiel didn’t really have a reference for this. He had asked Dean for tips and suggestions, which Dean gladly gave. Dean also warned the angel of dom drop, just to be safe. He didn’t want Castiel to feel guilty over anything he did to him. (Not that they had planned anything hardcore, but Dean wasn’t sure what might set the angel off, this being his first time and all.)

Dean knocked on the door, but there was no answer. (He had bribed Sam to get a hotel room for the night.) Dean knocked again, but there was still no answer. He tried the door and found it unlocked. Dean poked his head in, “Hello? Somebody order a pizza?” His voice echoed in the silence. 

He made his way throughout the labyrinth, looking for any signs of life. Finally, he reached a catwalk high in the air, over looking a large room with multiple long tables. And there was Castiel, back turned, waiting for him. Dean grinned, Castiel was wearing his suit, just as he requested.

“Hello,” Dean called out, “you order a pizza?” Castiel turned gracefully on his heels. He remained silent, waving Dean down. Dean tried to hide his excitement, refusing to run down the stairs like a child on Christmas day. As he approached Castiel, he felt the angel’s eyes looking him up and down. Damn he looks sexy in that suit, Dean thought. (He had seen Castiel naked more times then he had seen him in the suit he wore under his trench coat.)

“You’re not the usual delivery boy,” Castiel commented. 

“Daniel’s sick, I’m Dean,” Dean replied, playing along. A whisper of a smile graced Castiel’s lips. 

“I hope it’s nothing serious,” Castiel said. 

Dean shrugged his shoulders, “Just a cold, but I hope he stays sick for awhile. I need the extra money from his shifts.” Castiel raised an eyebrow, sending a shiver down Dean’s spine. “Pizza is eighteen fifty,” Dean said, trying to get the scene moving. 

Castiel pulled out a wallet (Dean had no idea where he gotten that from) and opened it, revealing a sizable stack of money. (Dean also had no idea where Castiel had gotten all that money from.)

“How much extra money do you need?” Castiel asked. 

“Ugh…”

Castiel pulled out some money, counting it. “Is six hundred enough?”

Dean’s eyes widened. Yeah, Castiel was pretending to be a rich businesses man, but Dean was impressed by how much the angel was taking his role to heart. Maybe his nervousness for Castiel’s inexperience was unfounded. 

“Is it not enough?” Castiel pulled out more money, counting it. “How about one thousand? Is that enough?” 

Dean broke character, “Cas, where’d you get all that money from?” 

“I’m the CEO of Sandover Industries. Now, is it enough? I won’t ask you again,” Castiel repeated, discarding his wallet. 

Fuck, Cas is really going all in on this, Dean thought in awe. “Yeah, it’s enough. More then enough,” Dean said, reaching for the money, but Castiel retracted it. “I assume this isn’t just for delivering your pizza?”

“Handsome and intelligent,” Castiel smiled. 

Dean couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his face. Dean threw the pizza box on the floor. “Lucky for you, this is my last stop for the night. What did you have in mind, Mr…?” Dean trailed off. 

“Sir, you may call me Sir,” Castiel growled. 

Dean bit his lower lip, “What did you have in mind, Sir?”

“You let me do what I want with you, and you get this at the end of the night. Maybe even more,” Castiel said, pocketing the money. 

Dean swallowed hard, “And what exactly are you going to do to me?” Dean wanted to hear Castiel say the words. Castiel attempted to close the gap between them, but Dean was slowly backing away from the angel. 

Castiel sighed airily, still advancing. “I haven’t decided yet. I might undress you, I might not. I’m -” Dean gasped as his thighs hit the back of one of the tables. He sat on the tabletop, looking up at a smirking Castiel. The angel stood in between Dean’s legs, trapping his body against his. His gravelly voice dropped another octave as he whispered in Dean’s ear, “I know I’m going to put that pretty mouth of yours to work, sucking my cock." 

Dean groaned as his entire body flushed with arousal. Where had Cas learned to talk like that? Certainly not from him! 

Castiel nipped at Dean’s ear, “On your knees, boy.”

“Yes Sir,” Dean breathed, as Castiel made room for him. Dean sunk to his knees (pulling out the hidden cushion pad from under the table. His knees weren’t what they used to be after all.) He smiled, finding the angel already half hard. He cupped Castiel with his hand, palming him through his pants.

“I’m paying for your mouth not your hand,” Castiel snarked, looking down at Dean. The comment hit Dean like a freight train, sending whatever blood was left in his head to his cock. He really was going to ask Cas where he was getting this language from as soon as this was over.

“I hope my mouth isn’t the only thing you’re paying for,” Dean winked.

“It will be if you don’t get to work,” Castiel growled. That was all Dean needed to hear. He worked Castiel free, revealing his ridged, leaking cock. Dean licked his lips unconsciously, Castiel’s cock was the prettiest one he’d ever seen. He couldn’t wait to get his lips around it. Dean licked the slit teasingly, hearing Castiel’s familiar moan. Swirling his tongue around the head, he took Castiel into his mouth. 

Dean sucked and bobbed, feeling Castiel’s hand fist in his short hair. He looked up, innocently batting his eyelashes. Castiel’s grip tightened as he thrusted shallowly into Dean’s mouth. Dean moaned, starting to slip into sub space.

“I bet you like this, don’t you? On your knees, mouth filled. Are you a slut for my cock Dean? Show me how badly you want me like a good little slut,” Castiel ordered. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, groaning loudly. The angel’s words were hitting something deep inside Dean he didn’t know about. He had to stop to keep from coming in his pants. Castiel mistook the action.

“Color?” Castiel asked softly.

Dean made his symbol for green. So what if he came in his pants? It wouldn’t be the first time, and Castiel was always triumphantly amused discovering the sticky mess. Not to mention the angel could mojo Dean another boner. (Castiel had done it before when he was too impatient to wait for Dean’s body to respond, which Dean thought was all kinds of hot.)

Dean returned to working Castiel with his mouth. Castiel ran his thumb along Dean’s jaw, praising him, “Good boy, you’re doing so well Dean. Showing me how badly you want me, doing just as I asked.” A swell of happiness filled Dean. He looked back up at Castiel, who was looking down at him, watching him suck him off. “You’re so beautiful Dean. I’m going to come in that talented mouth of yours, would you like that?" 

Dean nodded yes. Castiel fisted Dean’s hair again, thrusting harder into his mouth. Dean moaned as his eyes slid closed, revealing in the feeling of Castiel fucking his mouth. Dean relaxed this throat, allowing Castiel to go deeper. 

"Fuck - you feel so good,” Castiel groaned, snapping his hips. “So good Dean, so good,” he repeated. Dean felt proud, knowing that he could reduce the angel to a babbling mess with nothing but his mouth. Castiel came hard, shuttering against Dean. “So good for me,” Castiel whispered, leaning over Dean. Finding Dean’s mouth, Castiel kissed him deeply, tasting himself on Dean’s tongue.

Putting himself away, Castiel grabbed Dean, pulling him to his feet. Dean grinned, he loved it when Castiel manhandled him. It reminded him that Castiel truly was a celestial being stronger than himself. Castiel swept Dean off his feet, carrying him bride style all the way to their bedroom. Dean gently swung his feet happily, wondering what was next in store for him. (They had agreed what would happen, but not in what order, to keep it somewhat spontaneous.)

Castiel deposited Dean at the foot of their bed while he removed his jacket, sitting at the edge of the bed. Rolling up his shirt sleeves, he methodically looked Dean up and down. Dean swallowed hard, it was so erotic, seeing Castiel like this.

“Strip,” Castiel commanded.

“Yes Sir,” Dean replied, hurrying to obey Castiel’s order. (Castiel didn’t say strip tease after all.) Dean ripped of his clothes as fast as possible. Castiel moaned in approval, seeing Dean in nothing but tight, silky green panties.

“Come here,” Castiel ordered, motioning with his hand. Dean approached slowly, shyly - this was Castiel first time seeing him like this. Castiel reached out and gripped Dean’s narrow hips, pulling him in between his legs.

“Like what you see?” Dean teased, rolling his hips against Castiel.

“I do,” Castiel replied thickly, running his hands up and down Dean’s sides. “I like it very much. You’re very beautiful Dean,” Castiel said, thumbing the wet spot on Dean’s panties. Dean groaned, rutting against Castiel. “But don’t get your mess on my suit,” Castiel said, squeezing Dean’s cock.

Dean gasped, “Yes Sir, sorry Sir.” He turned around, sitting in Castiel’s lap. He grinned feeling the angel’s erection pressed against him. Dean ground his ass against Castiel’s cock teasingly, trying to get a reaction out of him. Castiel rocked back and slipped his hand under the panties, pumping Dean. Dean’s head fell back, resting on Castiel’s shoulder. He moaned softly as Castiel’s fingers worked their magic

“Sir, Sir,” Dean breathed, rolling his hips.

“Do you want to come?” Castiel asked.

“Yes Sir,” Dean answered. 

“Well don’t,” Castiel growled, squeezing Dean’s cock sharply. “I tell you when to come, do you hear me? You do not come until I give you permission to, understand?”

“Yes Sir, my orgasms belong to you,” Dean breathed. 

“Good boy, you’re so good for me Dean,” Castiel cooed, thumbing Castiel’s head.

“Sir, would you fuck me now please?” Dean asked.

Castiel grinned, stroking Dean, “Greedy like cock slut aren’t you?”

“Yes Sir, I’m greedy for your cock Sir,” Dean moaned, embarrassed by how aroused he was admitting it.

“You want me inside you, fucking you into the mattress?” Castiel asked, pumping faster. 

“Cas, please, Cas, I need you,” Dean begged, not realizing he slipped. Before he knew what was happening, he was over Castiel’s lap with his ass in the air.

“You were doing so well Dean, and now I have to punish you,” Castiel sighed, running his hand over Dean’s silky backside.

Dean panicked, instantly going soft, “What do you mean? What did I do?” They hadn’t talked about punishments, not legitimate ones at least. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. You just said my name, that’s all,” Castiel soothed. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Sir,” Dean replied, disappointed in himself. He didn’t even realize he hadn’t called Cas Sir.

“It’s fine Dean, I’m not upset. I don’t want to punish you, but rules are rules, right Dean?” Castiel asked.

“Yes Sir,” Dean said softly, wondering what Castiel was going to do to him and if he should safe word. 

“I’ll make sure you enjoy your punishment,” Castiel whispered. 

Son of a bitch. Dean breathed a sigh of relief, not a true punishment then. He looked back at Castiel, “that defeats the purpose of punishment,” he teased. 

“Shut up and enjoy your spanking Dean, I needed the excuse,” Castiel smirked.

Dean grinned, wiggling his butt, “Yes Sir.” Castiel rubbed Dean’s backside in soothing circles before slamming his hand down. Dean gasped, feeling the sting for the first time. (He’d never had a partner who was into spanking before.) The sensation traveled all the way to his cock, making him hard again. Yep, it was safe to say Dean liked being spank; and, if Castiel’s twitching tented pants were anything to go by, Castiel liked spanking Dean as well. Castiel officially having his first kink? Check! Thank you pizza man, Dean mused. Again Castiel’s hand came down, and again Dean gasped, bucking his hips. “Sir,” Dean pleaded as his cock dug into Castiel’s thigh.

“You’re doing so good Dean,” Castiel said thickly. “I’ll tell you what, if you promise not to come, I’ll let you rut against my thigh. How does that sound?”

“Yes, yes, I promise,” Dean moaned, mindlessly rutting. Castiel pulled the panties down, exposing Dean’s lightly freckled backside. He squeezed Dean’s ass roughly, kneading the flesh. Castiel spanked, and spanked, and spanked, hitting the swell of Dean’s ass each time. Oh it felt good, the sting on his ass combined with the silky friction on his cock. There was no way Castiel wasn’t getting out of this without a stained pants leg. Dean moaned, wondering if he was going to get spanked for that too. He certainly hoped so.

Maybe Cas would make him lick it clean while he spanked him. Tell him what a dirty, naughty boy he was - what a slut he was for Castiel’s come - oh fuck, oh fuck! “Yellow,” Dean whined, “yellow.” He didn’t know what the fuck this slut kink of his was. 

Castiel stopped his hand in mid air. “What’s wrong Dean?” he asked.

“I need to come Sir. Please Sir, I’m so hard, and you said I can’t without - without your permission,” Dean begged brokenly. 

Castiel pulled Dean’s panties back up, and laid back, dragging Dean on top of him. He wrapped his arms around Dean in a firm embrace. “You did so good Dean, I’m so proud of you, telling me to slow down. I know that was hard for you,” Castiel praised.

“You’re proud of me?” Dean smiled.

“So proud. You’ve been so good for me this entire time, taking your punishment so well, doing what I asked and not coming. In fact, you’ve done so well I think you’ve earned your reward. How do you want to come Dean? Anyway you want,” Castiel said, kissing Dean lightly on the lips.

Dean groaned into the angel’s mouth. This had been something Dean really wanted in the scene, getting to decide how he got to come - but now that the moment was here, he felt so overwhelmed. There were too many options. He briefly thought about going down on Cas and having him call him a greedy come slut, but Dean decided against it. Whatever the hell this name calling kink was, Dean wanted to explore it further in depth at a later time. 

“I have an idea for next time,” Dean said, starting to feel himself slip back into sub space.

“That’s great Dean,” Castiel replied, “and you can tell me all about if later, but what about right now? How do you want to come?”

“I don’t know, I don’t care, it’s too overwhelming. Will you pick for me Sir?” Dean asked.

“Dean, this is your decision,” Castiel stated firmly.

“And I decide I want you to pick for me. Please Cas, it’s too much,” Dean begged as tears formed in his eyes.

Castiel sighed softly, “Alright Dean, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Lay down,” he instructed.

“Thank you Sir,” Dean managed to say, shutting his eyes. He felt Castiel’s tongue tease each nipple before the angel kissed his way down to the ruined panties.

“Looks like I’ll have to take you panty shopping,” Castiel commented. Dean groaned at the thought of that. Shopping with Castiel for panties for HIM! Having Castiel pick out panties for HIM! Dean opened his eyes just in time to see Castiel kiss along the outline of his trapped cock. Dean couldn’t resist working in his strange new found kink.

“Can you?” Dean asked in a shaky voice, licking his lips, “c-call me a slut?" 

Castiel looked up, clearly surprised. "You like being called a slut?” he asked, fishing out Dean’s cock from the panties.

“I’m your slut, Sir,” Dean blushed, “only yours.”

“My slut. I like the sound of that,” Castiel said, licking Dean’s slit. “My beautiful, greedy, pizza boy slut.” Dean tried laughing, but it came out a chocked moan as Castiel took him into his mouth. Castiel didn’t even suck on Dean’s head for thirty seconds before Dean’s eyes were rolling in the back of his head and he was screaming Castiel’s name, coming hard. Dean felt too amazing to be embarrassed by his quick release. That didn’t stop Castiel from praising him though.

“I love how responsive you are for me,” Castiel commented, kissing Dean’s hip. “You don’t know what it does to me.” He crawled up Dean’s body, whispering in his ear, “I’m going to fuck you now Dean, would you like that?” Dean moaned weakly as he heard Castiel undoing his trousers. “I can’t wait to hear your plans for next time. I’ve got some ideas of my own that are far more suitable for a slut like you then a simple quick fuck,” Castiel growled.

Dean whimpered pathetically as a shiver racked through his body, blood trying to engorged his cock again. He was tempted to ask Castiel to mojo him up another boner, but was too exhausted to come a second time. He felt Castiel pull his panties to the side, suddenly glad he kept his mouth shut (he would have come right then.) Castiel wasn’t even going to bother removing his panties? He was going to fuck Dean still wearing them? Maybe they should try crotchless panties next time? 

He felt Castiel’s fingers at his entrance, prepping him with his grace. Dean preferred this to traditional lube. He like how Castiel’s grace barely stretched him out enough. He liked feeling the sting of Castiel’s cock fill him up and stretch him out. Jesus Christ, I really am a fucking cock slut, Dean thought hazily.

Castiel pushed in gently, slowly sliding into Dean. Dean groaned, there was that familiar sensation he loved and had grown to crave. Realizing Castiel was still wearing his shirt and tie, Dean wrapped his hand around the tie, pulling the angel into a kiss. Castiel pulled out, thrusting shallowly. Dean tugged on the tie harder, he wanted to know Castiel was in him, wanted to feel Castiel inside of him.

Castiel knew the sign, thrusting deeper into Dean. Dean’s head fell back as Castiel hit his prostate, sending waves of pleasure throughout his tired body. Castiel was careful to control his thrusts, not wanting to hurt Dean, but once Dean started moaning Castiel’s name (and not Sir) he figured Dean was stretched enough. 

The angel slammed into Dean’s prostrate repeatedly, desperate for his own release. He had spent the entire scene catering to Dean’s wants, completely ignoring his own (not that he minded, he loved pleasuring Dean!) Yes, he had gotten to spank Dean, which he enjoyed more then he thought he would, but he was preoccupied with doing it right and making it pleasurable for Dean and listening for him to safe word. But now, now he was inside Dean who was happily blissed out moaning his name like it was the only word he knew. Castiel could finally breath a sigh of relief knowing that tonight was a success. He could take these few selfish moments for his own pleasure, listening and watching Dean as he fucked into him.

The moments didn’t last long though. As soon as Castiel came, he was trying to catch his breath and start on aftercare. Dean tried pulling Castiel into his arms to go to sleep, but he knew there was a possibility of Dean dropping, and he didn’t want that. 

He flew (literally) to the kitchen, poured a large glass of orange juice and grabbed two of Dean’s favorite cookies. Giving Dean the offerings, he ran to the bathroom down the hall and soaked a washcloth in warm water. True, he could have cleaned up Dean with a touch of his finger, but they both agreed they like the physical intimacy of the manual way better. 

Returning to Dean, Castiel found the cookies eaten and the juice more than half gone. That was good enough for him. After removing the soiled panties, he sat next to Dean, wrapping his arms around him. Cuddling him, he took the cloth, gently starting to cleaning Dean of all the come.

“You should leave it,” Dean smiled, slowly coming back to reality.

“We accidentally did that once. Do you remember what happened?” Castiel asked, kissed Dean’s cheek.

Dean made a disgusted face, “yeah,” he grumbled. Castiel cleaned thoroughly, showering Dean with praise and affection, telling him how good he was and how well he had done. “You were pretty amazing yourself, absolutely perfect. Where the fuck you learn to talk like that?” Dean asked.

Castiel blushed, smiling, “I read up on it. You liked it? I did okay?” Dean wasn’t the only one who liked praise. 

“I loved it Cas, loved you! I wasn’t just talking when I said I had plans for next time - if you want to do this again,” Dean asked hopefully.

“Yes, I would like to do this again,” Castiel smiled, making the cloth disappear. Next time would be even better! He would be more confident and relaxed, and not so wrapped up in his own head. “Did you want to talk about the scene tonight or tomorrow?” Castiel was curious as to what Dean had to say, and how they could improve.

“Can we wait til tomorrow babe, I’m exhausted. I really want to go over it in detail with you, and more importantly, I’m afraid if we go over it now I’ll get horny all over again. You really were unbelievably hot, Cas, especially with that dirty talk - fuck I’m getting hard just thinking about it. Can we go to bed now babe?” Dean smiled.

“Of course,” Castiel replied, helping Dean into bed. He turned off the light and got into bed behind Dean, spooning him, just as Dean had requested. Their chests rose and fell together in the silent, peaceful darkness. Castiel was drifting off to sleep when Dean’s voice startled him.

“Cas?”

“Yes Dean?” Castiel murmured.

“Thank you,” Dean said softly, like a prayer.

“For what?" 

"Accepting this side of me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15, Chained to You, while not the sequel, is set in the same universe and will tie directly to the sequel chapter 23, Dirty.


	11. Affirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel starts leaving affirmations around the bunker which makes Dean admit to feelings (he thinks) he's been hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T for mention of sexual situation 
> 
> Song: Affirmation  
> Album: Affirmation

Dean groaned, not wanting to get out of bed. He reached blindly for his phone, instead feeling something… foreign. Cracking one eye open, he saw it was a small folded piece of paper. Frowning, he unfolded it. The handwriting immediately caught his eye - it wasn’t Sam’s. The scroll was small and tight and perfectly printed. It had to be Castiel’s, but why would Castiel be leaving him a note? Dean read the sentence on the paper, ‘I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side.’ What the hell is that supposed to mean, he thought baffled. Dean rolled out of bed, in search of Castiel - instead, he found Sam in the kitchen.

Dean poured himself a cup of coffee, “Cas left me a note in the middle of the night.”

“A love note?” Sam asked into his cup.

“Haha very funny,” Dean replied, back turned. He didn’t want Sam seeing his flushed cheeks. Dean sipped his coffee, waiting for his blush to go away. When it did, he showed his brother the note, “What do you think it means?”

Sam chuckled, “He left another one on the fridge.”

“He did?” Dean turned to look. There was another small piece of paper with a single sentence on it. 'Junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you.’ “That’s the truth!” Dean laughed.

“I think these are affirmations,” Sam said.

“Affir what?” Dean asked.

“Affirmations, they’re confident statements, or declarations that something is true. Usually they’re taped to a mirror or something. You know, you’re awesome, or you’re beautiful, or you deserve to be loved,” Sam explained.

“Chick flick stuff,” Dean huffed. 

“No Dean, not chick flick stuff. Positive, uplifting statements. Studies have shown people who write down or say affirmations are happier, and he can use all the happiness he can get - so don’t say anything mean to him about it,” Sam said, pointing a finger at Dean.

Sam’s words stung. “Why do you think I’m going to say something mean to him?” Dean accused. “If he wants to write chick flick shit I’ll let him!” Dean yelled, storming off. Honestly, now that he knew what they were, he thought it was kind of cute. He hoped Cas would leave more, he was curious to see what else the fallen angel would affirm. 

Dean eventually found Castiel sitting on the couch, watching TV. “I got your note,” he told Cas, joining him, “what did you mean by it?”

Castiel stared straight ahead. “It’s no better being human. I thought it might be, but it’s not." 

"Cas, that’s not a fair thing to say. You’ve only been human for a month, and the first two weeks you were sick with the flu. It gets better Cas, a lot better,” Dean reassured.

Castiel looked at Dean like he was crazy. “How can you say that? You of all people.”

Dean shrugged, “It’s not doom and gloom all the time. You got to find your happiness where you can. Sam’s got the internet and his nerdy books, I’ve got Baby and cooking, and hanging out with you all the time now.”

“You like being around me that much?” Castiel asked, smiling softly.

Dean grinned back, “A friend once told me not to ask stupid questions.” Castiel’s smile widened, turning gummy. It was a weird sight Dean wasn’t used to, but a good weird - one he hoped to see more of. “You got any other affirmations?” Castiel nodded yes. “Hit me with them.”

“The sun should never set upon an argument.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, that’s a good one.”

“I believe in karma, what you give is what you get returned.”

Dean huffed, rolling his eyes, “Hippie.” They fell silent, turning their attention to the TV. Dean smiled, of course Cas was watching a documentary on honey bees. When it ended, Castiel flipped through the channels, landing on a Christian religious service. He was calling for people to donate money to his church so he could buy a fifteen million dollars private jet so he and his wife could preach the word of God in South America. 

Castiel shook his head, “I know for a fact God does not endorse TV evangelists.”

“Amen to that. Come on,” Dean said, slapping Castiel’s knee, “I’m taking you grocery shopping.”

“Do you think that’s wise?”

“What do you mean?”

“My immune system. I don’t want to get sick for another two weeks.”

Dean repressed a smile. The flu had been Hell for the fallen angel, but Dean secretly loved taking care of him - feeding him home made chicken noodle soup, and cuddling in bed watching TV with him. “I think you’ll be fine. You’re not going to get the flu again, and didn’t you inherit Jimmy’s immunity or something? You can’t be scared to go outside because you’re afraid of getting sick Cas, that’s a part of being a human.”

Castiel sighed defeated, “I suppose you’re right.”

*****

Dean didn’t know if he found Castiel’s insisting on going up and down every single aisle enduring or annoying. He could practically hear Sam in his head, 'He’s just excited food doesn’t taste like molecules anymore.’ Dean couldn’t be too upset, not when Castiel would let out one of his ridiculous sex moan while eating his cooking, declaring how delicious it was. So yeah, going up and down each aisle was definitely worth hearing Cas moan like that.

“I don’t understand, why are there a dozen different types of chocolate chip cookies. How many ways are there to make a chocolate chip cookie?” Castiel asked, comparing four brands.

“Well there’s soft baked, chips and nuts, white chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, mixed chips, some don’t even have chocolate chips, they have M&M’s." 

"How creative,” Castiel mused, putting all four packages into the cart. He was reaching for more when Dean made to stop him.

“Wow, wow, wow, slow down there sweet tooth, we’re not getting all of these,” Dean said, reaching into the cart. God he’s adorable sometimes, Dean thought.

“Dean, how am I supposed to figure out which chocolate chip cookies I prefer if I can’t try them all?” Castiel deadpanned. Dean huffed a laugh, only Castiel could make cookie consumption a serious matter.

“We’ll get two packages, the soft baked,” Dean said, lightly shaking said package, “and ugh… pick out another one.” Dean bit his bottom lip to keep from smiling, Castiel looked so intense trying to pick between cookies, like he was trying to decide whether to end poverty or global warming. Castiel sighed dramatically, handing Dean his decision. “White chocolate chips, Sam likes these,” Dean said, putting them in the cart. 

“But what if I don’t like them Dean,” Castiel said dejectedly. 

“Then the next time, you pick out different cookies. Trial and error Cas, that’s part of being human.”

Cookie crisis averted, Castiel turned around, seeing what awaited him. Thankfully it was the stationary and magazine aisle; they wouldn’t spend any time there. While Castiel was scanning the magazine covers, Dean sneaked a package of peanut butter cookies into the cart. After all, Castiel also had to learn variety was the spice of life. Man - or fallen angel - couldn’t survive on chocolate chip cookies alone.

“Dean,” Castiel said as Dean pulled up next to him, “why is it beauty magazines promote low self-esteem?”

Dean shook his head confused, “What?”

“All these magazines, they’re all the same. How to lose weight, how to make your breasts look larger, how to get ride of cellulite. Why don’t they give tips on accepting and loving yourself just the way you are? That’s true beauty.”

“Have you been talking to Sam?” Dean asked suspiciously.

“No, why? Does he share similar sentiments? Look, even the men’s health magazines are how to get a six pack. If the magazine was truly focused on men’s health, the headline would be how to prevent heart disease; that’s the leading cause of death at the moment, then cancer. Prostate cancer to be exact…”

Dean didn’t hear what Castiel said after that, because Dean, being the dirty pervert that he was, suddenly got the mental image of Castiel pretending to be a doctor, checking his prostate.

“Come on, we still got produce and dairy to do,” Dean cut in, trying to prevent his erection from getting any larger.

“Did you not hear my question?” Castiel frowned.

“What? No, sorry. What’d you ask?”

“What are my most attractive features?”

Dean panicked, almost running the cart into an end cap of soda. “What? Why are you asking me that?" 

"The magazines. They placed so much emphasis on physical beauty. It made me wonder what my attractive features are,” Castiel replied.

Shit, is he actually expecting an answer, Dean worried. “Ugh….” There were so many options! “You have a nice smile, especially when you smile really wide and your eyes crinkle and your gums show.” Castiel flashed him that exact same smile. Dean hoped he wasn’t blushing too badly. “And your eyes are… um… striking… Sometimes the light catches them just right and it looks like -” Dean didn’t know if he should say it looked like Cas still had his grace swirling behind them. “Come on Cas, you know you’re good looking, you’ve gotten compliments before. You could easily be on the cover of any magazine or a movie star.”

Dean completely missed Castiel’s shy smile and flushed cheeks. 

*****

The next morning, Dean groaned, reaching for his phone. He smiled sleepily, feeling another small piece of paper. As he was retracting his arm back, he knocked over something, hearing it crash to the floor.

“God dammit,” Dean grumbled, opening his eyes. Glass from three beer bottles covered his floor. He unfolded the paper, surprised to see it was his own hand writing. It read, 'I believe.’ “I believe what?” Dean turned his head, his eyes landing on the mess of small pieces of paper littering his night stand. “The hell?” How much did I have to drink, he wondered. Dean didn’t remember anything from last night. He grabbed another paper, reading it - 'I like your heart.’ He grabbed another paper, 'Do angels have souls? You have to have a soul. You have the best soul.’

Dean curled in on himself in humiliation as the events of the previous night came rushing back. Sam and Castiel were playing a game of Scrabble while he hid out in his room, nursing his third beer. He wanted to give the fallen angel an affirmation of his own, but he didn’t know what to say. Of course the alcohol focused on the awkward grocery store conversation. After seven attempts, Dean had his affirmation worded perfectly - 'Your most attractive features are your heart and soul.’ Dean had sneaked into Castiel’s room and put it dead center on his night stand. There was no way Castiel would miss it. 

Dean groaned, hoping Cas wouldn’t make too big a deal about it, or mention it to Sam. Rolling out of bed (careful to avoid the glass), he began cleaning. Glass gone, he also threw away the evidence of his… it was NOT a love note. Room finally clean, Dean returned to bed. It was only then he noticed two small folded pieces of paper. stick out from under his phone. He grabbed his phone, staring at the papers. Those won’t there when he had gone to bed the night before. That meant Cas had seen everything! He probably read the papers too! (The worst one said 'I like you inside and out.’) Dean cursed to himself, could this day get any worse!?

Hesitantly, he reached for the first paper. It read, 'I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands.’ Dean smiled to himself, that was definitely true. Most of his happiness did come from Cas and Sam and saving people. He read the other paper, immediately dropping it. It had said, 'I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality.’ What the hell? What was Cas trying to say? Dean Winchester was not gay! Well, except for Cas of course. And Dr. Sexy. And maybe that wrestler he liked when he was a teenager, but that was absolutely it! Oh, and Patrick Swayze, definitely Patrick Swayze.

“God dammit I’m not gay!” Dean yelled angrily. He stormed out of his room and down the hall towards the shower, determined to masturbate to a woman. (And if that women happen to have short black hair and blue eyes and wore a tan trench coat that was nobody’s business.)

Dean ran into Sam as he was walking back to his room. “Did Cas leave you another note?” Sam asked innocently.

“No!” Dean snapped, “Did he leave you one?”

“No,” his brother lied coolly, “but he did leave one on the fridge again.” (Castiel had in fact left Sam a note that said, 'John and Dean did their best to raise you.’ Sam huffed softly, he knew of the sacrifices Dean made for him growing up.) 

After Dean got dressed, he poured himself a cup of coffee and checked out the new affirmation - 'Family is worth more than money or gold.’ Now see, how come he couldn’t have given me that one? Why’d he have to give me a sex one, Dean sulked. Grabbing a blueberry muffin, he made his way to the library to help research a case. He stopped short seeing Castiel hunched over a pile of books. Ahh shit, here we go. Dean sat a few seats away from the fallen angel.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said, not bothering to look up.

“Hey Cas,” Dean answered, grabbing a book from the pile. They didn’t speak for some time, which drove Dean crazy with anxiety. Not talking was far worse than talking. “I’m not gay,” he finally said. 

“I never said you were. Besides, you know I’m utterly indifferent to sexual orientation,” Castiel replied, still not looking up.

“I know, but still, I’m not gay,” Dean repeated.

Castiel looked up, “There’s nothing wrong with being gay Dean. It wouldn’t change how I feel about you.”

“How do you feel about me?” Dean blurted out. He had a feeling, well, more than a feeling, but he couldn’t quite believe it. Castiel scribbled out something in his notebook and tore it out for Dean to read. Dean practically ripped it out of Castiel’s hand, reading it eagerly, 'I also believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul.’ Dean blushed lightly - and then he read the next sentence, setting his head on fire. 'I also believe we have spent enough years dancing around our feelings for each other, and it’s time we admitted them and did something about it.’

“Getting anywhere with the love notes?” Sam smiled, walking into the room.

“Possibility, it remains to be seen,” Castiel replied.

“Are you in on this too? Did you know about this?” Dean asked sharply. 

“Know about what?” Sam asked as his smile slowly faded. He took a not so wild guess at what Dean was referring to. “Know that you two have been in love with each other for the past five years? Yeah, I knew that. Everyone knows that Dean. You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to know that.”

“But I’m not gay!” Dean yelled.

“Okay,” Sam replied calmly, “so you’re not gay. Maybe you’re pansexual, or bisexual, or bi-curious, or none of those things. The point is -”

“Cas-curious,” Castiel offered proudly. 

“Oh my god,” Dean groaned, covering his face with his hands. It was disgustingly adorable, and an extremely accurate term. 

Sam chuckled, “The point is Dean, you two obviously love each other. You shouldn’t let this hang up about labels stop you. No one is forcing you to label your sexuality, or what to identify as.”

Dean looked at Castiel who was still proudly smiling over his pun. He sighed, he did want to be with Cas, more than anything but… He looked at Sam whispering, “You remember how we were raised.”

Sam nodded, “I do, and he was wrong, and that’s all in the past. Don’t let his hate ruin the best thing you’ve ever had.”

Dean sighed, wishing this conversation wasn’t happening in front of Cas. “I know, I’ve known that for a long time. It’s more…” Dean had been hiding behind that excuse ever since John died. Honestly, he never felt he deserved the angel’s love and he didn’t know how to change that. But… Castiel wasn’t an angel anymore, he was a human, just like him. Just as fragile and imperfect and insecure as him. 

Castiel’s first affirmation from that morning suddenly popped back into Dean’s head, ‘I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands.’ He did want to make Cas happy, and hadn’t he told Cas life as a human got better? What better way to prove it to him then this? Dean took a deep breath and turned to Cas. “You really have feelings for me? Romantic feelings? Sexual feelings? Because if we’re going to do this, we’re doing this all the way, no half-assing it. I want the rainbows and the unicorns. I want people to be grossed out by how cute a couple we are. I want -,” Dean reached for Castiel’s hand. Castiel took it, squeezing it gently. “I want to be with you Cas, more than anything. I want to make you happy, and I’ll prove to you that being human isn’t so terrible.”

Castiel broke out into his gummy smile, “Of course I want to be with you all the way Dean. That’s kind of the Winchester way isn’t it? All or nothing?”

Dean smirked. Cas did had a point, go big or go home. "Hey Sam, so I know you said I shouldn’t get hung up on labels, but I think I thought of one that fits me perfectly.”

“Oh yeah? What?” 

“Cassexual,” Dean grinned. Sam groaned, Dean was just as bad as Cas - if not worse, and he couldn’t have been happier for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13, The Best Thing, is the sequel to this chapter.


	12. I Knew I Loved You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very, very brief overview of the evolution of Dean and Castiel's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T for language
> 
> Song: I Knew I Loved You  
> Album: Affirmation

To say Dean Winchester was terrified when he met Castiel would be an understatement. Before that fateful night of September 18, 2008, Dean thought Castiel was nothing more than a fantasy. For the past three years, Dean had been dreaming of a gruff, trench coat wearing blue eyed man. (Personally, be blamed it on reading too many Constantine comic books.) At first, Dean was pretty weirded out by the dreams, but as time went on, he grew to look forward to them. He found them, and the man (who he had taken to calling Casper, or Cas for short) strangely comforting. He could talk to Cas about anything, and it wasn’t long before the dreams turned physical, very physical. 

So when it was Cas who showed up at the barn, Dean was positive he was a Tulpa. But when Ruby’s knife didn’t kill him, or anything for that matter, Dean was petrified. It was only when he looked into Castiel’s eyes that he realized this was the exact same man he’d been dreaming about. Dean knew he had nothing to fear. And then the bomb dropped - of course Cas was an angel of the Lord. No, Dean couldn’t dream up a normal guy he had a chance with, he had to dream up a celestial being.

But that was in the beginning of their shaky alliance. The more time Dean spent around Castiel, the more he felt a sense of completion, like the angel was his missing piece. Sometimes Dean would catch himself staring into Castiel’s eyes, imagining his future with him. It wasn’t much of a future, with the apocalypse looming and all, but at least it was something. He was happy knowing he’d go down in a blaze of glory with his baby brother and his angelic best friend. He couldn’t ask for much better than that. 

But then the apocalypse was averted and Dean didn’t know what to do with his feelings for Cas. He had ignored them for the most part, figuring there was no point trying to process them or act on them since he was supposed to die in said apocalypse. One night stands with chicks were way less complicated than trying to start a homosexual relationship with an angel of the Lord. Unfortunately, by the time Dean worked up the courage to tell Cas how he felt, the angel was fighting a civil war in Heaven, so Dean put his feelings on the back burner. And he did it again when they were fighting the Leviathans. And again when they were in Purgatory. It wasn’t until Castiel was beating the shit out of him that he finally confessed his feelings. Now or never right? Thankfully, it snapped Castiel out of his brainwashed programming.

Once things settled down enough (because Dean was sure something else would come up) they talked their feelings over in detail, including the dreams that started it all (which Castiel claimed he had nothing to do with). And it was a good thing they talked when they did, because just as Dean predicted, another crisis struck. Or a blessing in disguise, depending on how you looked at it. Castiel lost his grace, became human, and moved into the bunker. It was a hard couple of months of adjustment, but eventually Castiel got his grace back, and to Dean’s surprise, decided to stay human.

“I dreamed about this you know, about you. Hell I practically dreamed you into life,” Dean had teased Castiel.

Castiel smiled softly, “Yes, you told me about that. You thought I was a Tulpa.”

“Glad you weren’t, have to kill you if you were.”

“You did try to kill me,” Castiel deadpanned.

Dean shrugged his shoulders playfully, “No one’s perfect… Speaking of which, Cas, I was in love with you even before I met you. I never once dreamed you were an angel, you were always human. And then I met you and fell in love with you all over again. I don’t care if you’re an angel or a human Cas, I’d love you no matter what, you know that right? I’d love you even if you were a demon.”

“I bet you would, then you’d have a legitimate excuse to keep me locked up in that sex dungeon of yours,” Castiel teased back, making Dean turn as red as a cherry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the biggest fan of the standard version of this song; I prefer the 7" Mini Me Mix version.


	13. The Best Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to chapter 11, Affirmation.  
> Three months in, Castiel reflects on his relationship with Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: M for language and mentions of sexual actions
> 
> Song: The Best Thing  
> Album: Affirmation

Castiel didn’t miss being an angel as much as he thought he would, and he knew he had Dean to thank for that. Dean had told Castiel life as a human got better, but the fallen angel didn’t believe him - not until Dean’s wall started coming down when he declared he wanted to be in a relationship with Cas. Yep, life got pretty good after that. He and Dean became inseparable. They ran errands together, cooked together, showered together, slept together. 

The only thing they didn’t do was hunt together. (It had been their only major fight so far. Dean didn’t want Cas to hunt because it was too dangerous, and Cas didn’t want Dean to hunt because he couldn’t heal him anymore. Eventually they came to the agreement Cas could come along on ghost hunts and the brothers would scale back their cases - start to leave the hunting to the younger generation.)

Sometimes Castiel was worried his sanity was taking vacation time on him, and he was back in the psych ward with Meg. All of this, everything that had transpired between him and Dean was too good to be true. It almost frightened him. How long could the good times last? But Castiel tried not to think about that, instead focusing on enjoying and living in the moment. In his pursuit of that, he had all but said farewell to his peace of mind and kissed goodbye to reason. He was stumbling around in a bewildered daze, up had become down and the impossible occurred each day. 

He didn’t know where Dean ended and he began. All he knew for sure was he had become an adrenaline junkie, and Dean was at the center of it. He couldn’t believe the things he let Dean talk him into - whether it was making out with him in public when people gave them dirty looks, or convincing him to go out wearing panties and a vibrating plug, or letting Dean go down on him in a movie theater. 

Dean’s free spirit was intoxicating. Castiel wished he could be more like Dean - but he couldn’t, Dean was outgoing, personable, funny. In comparison, Castiel was introverted and shy. He didn’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger and keep it going like Dean could. He didn't know how to make people warm up to him like Dean could. Despite being human for three months, Castiel still didn’t have good social skills, and he feared he never would. He had been an awkward angel, so it made sense he was an awkward human, but Castiel had been trying so hard to be a good human for Dean - to make him proud of the person he had become. He wanted to be the best version of himself for Dean. Castiel smiled as a new affirmation came to him. Grabbing a piece of paper, he scribbled out, 'You're the best thing about me,' and placed it on Dean’s nightstand, waiting to be found. 

Dean didn’t see it until later that night as he was crawling into bed next to Castiel. “What’s this?” Dean smiled as he unfolded the paper, but his smile turned into a frown as he read. “You’re wrong about this one. I’m not the best thing about you, you’re the best thing about me Cas.” Castiel made to speak, but Dean kissed him quite. “You’ve always been the best thing about me Cas, how could you think otherwise?”

“Dean, I don’t think you realize how special you are,” Castiel whispered reverently. Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s because of you I questioned Heaven. It’s because of you I chose free will - something angels aren’t suppose to have. Dean, I am who I am because of you.”

“Yeah and look where it got you - human,” Dean said guiltily. 

Castiel smiled, “And it’s because of you I’m enjoying every minute of being human. Honestly Dean, given the choice, I’m not sure I’d want to return to being an angel.” 

Dean’s eyes widened, “You don’t mean that.”

“I do, and it’s not just me your specialness is limited to. You’re a joy to be around, it’s infectious. Wherever we go, people always talk to you, not me. It’s been three months since I’ve become human and I’m still weird and awkward and I'm working on that, I really am mmhm-” Dean had kissed him silent again.

“Oh Cas, you’re so clueless, you know that? I love you just the way you are, don't ever change. And as for people not talking to you, that's because they're intimidated by you. I’ve told you how hot you are. Shit, I’d be too scared to talk to you if I didn’t know you. Fuck I was scared of you the first time we met,” Dean laughed. “Not to mention it’s no secret how protective I am of you. So if someone does work up the courage to talk to you, they get that intense stare of yours which is unnerving as hell. And then when you speak that gravelly, sexy voice comes out,” Dean teased. He sighed, becoming serious, “You wonder why I think you’re the best thing about me? It's because I’m a better person because of you. You make me want to be a better person.”

“You make me want to throw up,” Sam grimaced, pretending to double over. 

Dean blushed, throwing a pillow at Sam, “I thought you knew not to come in here when the door is closed.”

“It wasn’t closed you big sap!” Sam replied as he threw the pillow back, hitting Dean in the face. 

Castiel swallowed a laugh, instead snuggling up to a now very grumpy Dean. "So what you're saying is, we bring out the best in each other," he said, flashing Dean a gummy smile. 

Dean sighed, offering Castiel a lopsided smile in return, "Exactly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three versions later, this chapter is finally done with xD I don't know why this was so hard for me to write.


	14. Crash and Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the prequel to chapter 2, Tears of Pearls.  
> Castiel comforts Dean while he has the Mark of Cain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated: G
> 
> Song: Crash and Burn  
> Album: Affirmation

Castiel found Dean sitting in the corner booth with his head in his hands. The angel sighed, hoping he could find the right words of encouragement. Dean looked up, feeling the seat dip. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Where else would I be?” Castiel replied softly.

“You’re wasting your time Cas, there’s no saving me, not this time,” Dean said solemnly.

“Dean, I pulled you out of Hell, you stopped the apocalypse, we defeated the Leviathans, you escaped Purgatory - we will find a way to remove the Mark,” Castiel reassured. Dean rubbed the Mark of Cain absentmindedly, wanting to believe Cas. They did always get out of whatever bind they were in, but the coasts were growing. If Dean did find a way to free himself of the Mark, what would the price be, and would it be worth it?

“Dean, I know you feel alone, like the walls are closing in on you -”

“You don’t know how I feel, how this feels,” Dean hissed. “There’s so much rage, I can barely control it - I’m about to crash and burn here Cas. I feel like there’s a monster inside me… I’m turning into a monster,” Dean whispered brokenly.

Castiel smiled sympathetically, lightly resting his hand on top of Dean’s, “I do know what it’s like to have monsters inside of you.”

Dean chuckled darkly, “Yeah, I suppose you do.”

“You’re my best friend Dean, let he help you.”

“How?”

“Honestly? If you need to crash then go ahead and crash and burn.”

Dean looked at the angel sharply, “What the hell kind of advice is that?”

“You can’t keep all that raged bottled up Dean; you are correct, it will consume you. So when you feel that darkness approaching, and you can’t take it anymore, pray to me. I can try to tame the fury you feel, and if not, you can safely let it out, on me,” Castiel said, staring into Dean’s soul.

Dean narrowed his eyes skeptically, shaking his head. “Cas, are you crazy? No offense, but you’re not an archangel, hell you’re not even at full power. How are you going to effect the Mark?”

“Trust me Dean.”

Dean shook his head harder, “No, it’s too dangerous. I would never forgive myself if anything happen to you - if I hurt you.”

“I doubt you would hurt me Dean.”

Dean slammed his fist down on the table, “You don’t know that!” A few people turned around to look at them. Dean breathed deeply, steadying himself, “I don’t know that. This Mark - it’s evil Cas.”

Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm, covering the Mark. “We will beat this Dean. You have overcome other hardships and heartaches, you will overcome this one as well.”

“But at what cost Cas? What’s removing the Mark going to cost me? I can’t stop thinking about that.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there - together,” Castiel said, squeezing Dean’s arm. “So, what do you say? Will you let me be the one you call if you need to fall apart? I’ll be here to pick you up and put you back together, like I did when I pulled you out of Hell.”

Despite the seriousness of the circumstances, Dean leaned back chuckling, “Where are you getting these cheesy lines from?”

“I’m not getting them from anywhere, this is how I feel. You know how much your friendship means to me. You know I would do anything - have done everything for you.”

Dean smiled, feeling a small glimmer of hope. Maybe things would be okay after all. “I know Cas, I know.”


	15. Chained to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set in the same universe as chapter 10, This Side of Me, but is not the sequel. However, this chapter does tie into sequel of This Side of Me which is chapter 23, Dirty. 
> 
> Dean meets Castiel at The Cage, who agrees to be Dean's first gay experience. (There's a little bit of Sabriel in this.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated E for smut!
> 
> Song: Chained to You  
> Album: Affirmation

Dean was sitting at the bar, nursing his beer, hoping no one would talk to him. He didn’t know how he’d let Sam talk him into going out with him and his boyfriend Gabriel to a gay club. Actually, that’s not true, Dean knew exactly how this happened.

Sam had casually mentioned that he and Gabriel were going to The Cage. Dean’s eyes widened in shock. The Cage was the most famous gay nightclub not located on one of the coasts, and from the stories he’d read, it put even a few of the San Francisco clubs to shame. It was owned by an eccentric British man who was very selective about who he let into into his establishment.

“How are you and Gabriel on the list to get into The Cage?” he asked in disbelief.

Sam raised an eyebrow in amusement, “How do you know about The Cage?” Dean hadn’t come out to Sam as bisexual yet, even though Sam had come out to him four years prior. Dean felt since he’d never actually been with a man, there was no point in coming out.

“You’ve mentioned it before,” Dean lied, praying Sam wouldn’t call him out on it.

“Oh, yeah, I remember now. Sooo, you want to come with Gabe and me to check it out? There’s bound to be a few girls there looking for bi guys, you could hook up with them.”

“But… I’m straight,” Dean replied hesitantly. It wasn’t exactly a lie.

Sam laughed, “I doubt they’d care. So you comin’ or what? I’m leaving in ten minutes." 

"You didn’t answer my question, how are you going to get in?”

Sam smiled, “Get this, Gabe and the owner go way back, childhood friends. Gabe can get into any of Balthazar’s clubs and bring whoever he wants.”

Dean huffed in disbelief, “That’s crazy… Wait a minute, I’ve met Gabe, he’s not British, how are they childhood friends?”

Sam shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know Dean, I gotta go or I’m gonna be late,” he said, turning to leave.

“Wait!” Dean yelled. This could be his only chance to get inside the legendary Cage nightclub. “What the hell, I’ll check it out. Give me five minutes.”

“Hurry up!” Sam left, hiding his smile.

Dean bolted to his closest, tearing through his clothes. He didn’t know what to wear! What did gay guys like? He threw on a black t-shirt and a red button down, hoping it would do. He groaned as he looked in the mirror, “God I need a haircut.” It was a good three inches longer than usual. He’d been meaning to get it cut, but hadn’t gotten around to it, and now it was too late - he was going to The Cage looking like a slob. He parted it to the side, trying to flatten it with his hands. It was so fluffy on top!

“Come on Dean!” Sam yelled. Dean sighed, the poofy hair would have to do. 

Since Dean had never been to a gay nightclub before, or any kind of nightclub, he didn’t have anything to compare it to - but it was EXACTLY how he’d imagined it would be. There was a huge bouncer checking names on a list, and when he didn’t see Gabriel’s, Gabriel told him to check the “other list,” and they were immediately ushered inside. Deafening music and flashing lights greeted them as they made their way through the throng of people to the V.I.P. lounge.

Dean grabbed Sam’s arm in excitement, “Look, look, there’s the cages!” A dozen cages were scattered around the building, some suspended from the ceiling and some on raised platforms. Each one had a man inside, in various states of dress, seductively gyrating their hips to the music. Dean couldn’t tear his eyes away from them. 

“Are you going to dance in one?” Gabriel grinned.

“No, no, no,” Dean shook his head, “I’m going to get out of your guy’s hair and get a drink at the bar. I might walk around or hang out in the V.I.P. lounge I don’t know.”

“To get into the lounge, tell them you’re with Gabriel the candy man,” Gabriel winked.

“Gabriel the candy man?” Dean repeated flatly.

“My mom was the CEO of Cadbury over in London, that’s how Balthy and I met. It’s turned into a nickname over the years - oh, and the code word for free drinks is titanic. He hates that movie! I think that’s all you need to know. I’m gonna go have my way with your brother on the dance floor now,” Gabriel grinned, dragging the taller man away.

Dean laughed, shaking his head. Finally alone, he scanned the crowd, letting his eyes linger on the numerous male bodies. He couldn’t figure out why there was a list for the club at all - most of the guys were average looking and there were no signs of wealth, no Rolex watches or pricey bottles of alcohol being passed around. He went to the bar, snagged a free beer and settled in for the night, pondering the mystery.

He scanned the crowd again, careful not to make eye contact. He had no idea what he would do if a cute guy started talking to him. He secretly hoped none would, it would make the night a lot less complicated. Dean spotted Sam and Gabriel making out, grinding against each other. He quickly averted his gaze, not wanting to be scared for life. He took a swig of beer, looking up at the ceiling suspended cages. They certainly were tempting, but he wasn’t a dancer, and that would be a sure fire way to get noticed and hit on… Maybe after a few more beers towards the end of the night… How many guys could say they danced in one of the cages at The Cage?

It would have to be one of the ground cages, on the sidelines, Dean thought, looking over the perspective cages. Not too close to the DJ… Dean had it narrowed down to three when he noticed the cage in the V.I.P. section. It wasn’t terribly well lit and practically stuck in the corner. It was the most secluded of all the cages, perfect for the shy performer… but the current dancer in the cage certainly wasn’t acting shy. He was swaying his hips, grabbing onto the bars, dropping to the floor, shaking his ass - Dean was spellbound.

He didn’t have the greatest view of the guy, but from what Dean could tell, the guy was wearing a tight white shirt and dark pants. He looked to be in good shape, had dark hair and a square jaw. Dean licked his lips, he did have a thing for rugged looking guys. He wouldn’t mind squeezing into the cage with the guy and dancing with him, maybe doing a little more than dancing. Dean dropped his head, covered his face with his free hand, what was he thinking? This was real life, not one of his fantasies.

When he looked back up, the man in the cage was dancing in his direction, and Dean couldn’t be sure, but it looked like he was smiling, checking Dean out. Dean panicked, he didn’t know what to do, what to think! Thankfully, he was rescued by his brother and Gabriel.

“Back so soon?” Dean asked.

“Got to keep the big man hydrated,” Gabriel replied, motioning to the bartender for two glasses of ice water. Dean smiled to himself, Gabriel could be annoying as all hell sometimes, but he cared about Sam, and that’s all that really mattered to Dean.

“Hey Gabe, can anyone dance in the cages?” Dean asked.

Gabriel chuckled, “You got a thing for those cages don’t you?” He didn’t let Dean reply, “Yeah, anyone can dance in them." 

"Even the one in the V.I.P. lounge?”

“Why? Did someone catch your eye?” Gabriel asked, turning to look. Dean’s eyes flicked to the cage. He was half relieved, half disappointed that it was empty. Gabriel turned back around, “Naw, only the V.I.P. members can dance in that one.”

“What qualifies someone as V.I.P.? Other then childhood candy connections.”

Gabriel shook his head, “I don’t know, I don’t know how Balthy picks any of these people. You’ll have to ask him yourself, he might be here tonight. He likes hanging out in his clubs, make sure everything’s running smoothly you know?”

Dean was about to reply when he noticed the man from the cage walking straight towards him. Dean was speechless - the mysterious man was gorgeous! He had piercing blue eyes, disheveled black hair, thick pink lips, and a five o'clock shadow covering his sharp jaw. He was practically Dean’s walking wet dream. Dean tried not to stare, but he couldn’t help it, especially when the gorgeous’s man shirt was so thin it was see through. It clinged to him, showing off his ripped abs and his broad, toned chest. Dean licked his lips, focusing on the dark, erect nipples poking through the thin shirt.

A deep, gravelly voice broke Dean’s stare, “So, Gabriel, what are you doing here?”

“Cassie!” Gabriel yelled, pulling the man into a hug, “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Blowing off steam, my boss,” the man replied, leaving it at that. Smirking, he looked at Dean, “Gabriel, are you going to introduce me to your cute friend?”

Dean fought the smile that threatened to break over his face. He was supposed to be straight, he couldn’t be smiling over a guy calling him cute.

Gabriel chuckled, “I don’t think you two need an introduction.”

“Why not?” Dean asked.

Gabriel looked between the two men. “I just saw you two dancing together over there,” he pointed behind him. 

“I haven’t left the bar since we got here,” Dean frowned.

The man smiled, “Must be our doppelgangers, we’re supposed to have eight you know.” He stuck his hand out, “I’m Castiel.”

“Dean,” Dean replied, shaking his hand. The touch was electric, sending sparks up his arm.

“Nice to meet you Dean,” Castiel said.

“How do you know Gabe?” Dean asked, praying they weren’t ex’s. 

“We’re cousins, on our father’s side. What about you?”

Dean pointed to Sam who had been silently watching everything that was taking place. “He’s dating my brother, I’m chaperoning.” Sam huffed in amusement, waving hello to Castiel.

Castiel waved back, throwing his arm around Gabriel’s shoulders, “Thanks for not picking Dean, he’s just my type.” Dean felt his entire body flush, did he just hear that right?

Gabriel doubled over laughing, patting Castiel’s chest, “Cassie I got to stop you there. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Dean here doesn’t like men." 

Shut up, shut up, shut up, I do too, Dean wanted to scream. If he was ever going to fool around with a guy, this would be the one. Dean couldn’t explain it, but there was something… magical about Castiel.

"That’s not going to stop me from hitting on him,” Castiel winked at Dean, “unless it makes you uncomfortable.”

Dean tried to play it cool, “I don’t mind, a compliment’s a compliment no matter who it’s from.” Castiel’s smile could light up a room, Dean thought, it was already lighting up his soul.

“You ready to hit the floor again?” Gabriel asked Sam.

Sam rose, “We’ll catch up with you guys later.” He gave Dean a quick hug and whispered in his ear, “You know I’d never judge you Dean.” Sam was already gone by the time his words registered.

Now that Dean was alone with Castiel, he was almost too scared to look at him, let alone interact with him. “Do you want to go to the V.I.P. lounge? It’s more secluded, less noisy,” Castiel suggested.

“Ugh, sure,” Dean said nervously as adrenaline coursed through him. They made their way to the lounge, Castiel stopping abruptly at one point claiming he thought he saw their doppelgangers. Once in the lounge, they stood in a corner, away from everyone else. Dean was desperate to make small talk, he didn’t know what to do in this situation, or what was expected of him, or what the outcome would be. He knew how he wanted it to end though - with Castiel fucking him into a bed, but that was just a fantasy. “You said you were here blowing off steam, what kind of work do you do?”

Castiel was swaying lightly, dancing to the music, “I’m a professor at Kansas State. I teach religious studies, early Christian era. The Coptics, Gnostics Gospels, you know, things like that.”

Dean nodded, pretending like none of that just went over his head. Instead, it only confirmed his fear that Castiel was way out of his league, and made him wonder what a guy like Castiel was doing in a place like this, or why he would want to hang out with him. “That sounds uh - interesting,” Dean said, trying to sound sincere.

Castiel laughed, “Don’t worry, I won’t bore you with it. What about you, what do you do?” Dean suddenly felt embarrassed, he was just a mechanic, a manual laborer. He wasn’t anyone important or influential. 

“I’m a mechanic,” Dean muttered, hoping the music would drown him out.

“A mechanic?” Castiel asked, leaning in. “That’s sexy, I love a guy who’s good with his hands. I bet you look killer all hot and sweaty covered in grease smudges.” Dean blushed as he smiled shyly, running a hand through his hair. Castiel leaned in even closer, “You do like guys, don’t you Dean?" 

Dean nodded silently, "I like you,” he affirmed, relieved to get it off his chest. 

Castiel’s face broke out in a gummy smile, “I suspected as much. Popping a boner from staring at my chest kind of gave you away.” Before Dean could react, Castiel closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Dean’s. Dean was frozen in shock. Castiel was kissing him! He was being kissed by another man! And he liked it! It was completely different from being kissed by a girl. The odd sensation of Castiel’s stubble rubbed against Dean’s skin, filling him with desire - desire to know what other wonders Castiel’s body had in store for him. Castiel pulled away, searching Dean’s eyes. 

He kissed me, he kissed me, he kissed me, Dean thought excitedly. Temptation rushed over Dean, he wanted to drop to his knees right there and -

“I’m sorry,” Castiel apologized, “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Why not?” Dean frowned.

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “I thought you didn’t enjoy it, you didn’t kiss me back.”

“Oh,” Dean chuckled embarrassed, “I was surprised. I’ve never kissed a guy before.”

Castiel smiled,“Never?”

“Never,” Dean smiled back stupidly, “but I’d like to do it again.”

“Then why don’t you?” Castiel challenged. Dean leaned in, smiled against Castiel’s lips and kissed him slowly, savoring the new sensation. Castiel opened his mouth, allowing Dean to explore with his tongue. Both men moaned softly as Dean backed Castiel against the wall, trapping him there. Castiel fisted his hand in Dean’s hair as he questioningly rolled his hips. Dean moaned loudly, breaking the kiss. He went in for another kiss as his hips ground back instinctively. Dean had never felt desire like this before, unable to get enough of the other man. He wanted Castiel all around him, in every which way imaginable. Kissing him wasn’t nearly enough for Dean. 

Dean broke the kiss, attacking Castiel’s neck, “I want you.”

Castiel moaned, grinding into Dean, “You barely know me.”

Dean stared into Castiel’s eyes, “Tell me you don’t feel the chemistry - the magic between us. It was fate or destiny or some shit like that, that brought us together.”

“Or a beer and your sexually repressed feelings,” Castiel quipped.

Dean glared infuriated, “What about our doppelgangers?”

“What about them?”

“Even they were together, that can’t just be coincidence. It’s - cosmic or something!” Dean yelled.

Castiel shook his head, “This is madness.” And yet, he couldn’t deny there was something unsettling familiar in Dean’s eyes, like they had known each other in a previous life. “Alright, if we’re - cosmicly meant to be together, prove it. Tell me something about myself you shouldn’t know.”

“And if I get it right?” Dean asked hopefully.

“I’ll pop your gay cherry, how about that?” Castiel said, confident that Dean would fail.

“Awesome,” Dean beamed. He folded one arm across his chest, resting his chin in his other hand, deep in thought. He had one shot at this. Suddenly, it came to him out of the blue, like a vision. He pointed at Castiel, “The very first porno you ever watched was about a pizza man and a babysitter and ever since then you’ve had a spanking kink. Giving spankings, not receiving.”

Castiel’s eyes widened as all the color drained from his face. “How do you know that!?” he demanded, “nobody knows that, not even Gabriel.”

Dean smiled smugly, “Told you babe, cosmic.” Castiel looked Dean up and down in disbelief. “So uh - are we going to head to your place? My brother lives with me and I’d rather not, you know, have him walk in on anything.”

Castiel started laughing hysterically. This was beyond ridiculous, like something out of a dream. He just happens to meet the hottest guy he’s ever seen, and he’s practically begging him to take his gay virginity? What were the odds of that? It was too tempting not to see how far down the rabbit hole went.

“You’re quite the eager boy aren’t you?” Castiel mused.

Dean nodded frantically, almost desperately, “I’ve been waiting a long time to find the right person to do this with.”

Castiel sighed to himself, this was not something to be taken lightly. He held out his hand for Dean, “Come on, I’ll take care of you.” Dean beamed as he took Castiel’s hand. Castiel led Dean to the other side of the lounge.

“Where are we going?” Dean inquired.

“You didn’t think the lounge was the only V.I.P. perk did you?” Castiel asked. Castiel knocked on the paneling. A small slit opened and a pair of beady eyes peered out. “Password is Heaven’s Gate.” The slit closed and a small hidden door opened. 

“What is this place?” Dean asked as they entered a long dark hallway. 

Castiel snaked his arm around Dean’s waist, “Dean, welcome to Purgatory, the sex club inside of The Cage.”

“A - a sex club?” Dean stuttered. So the outlandish stories were true. Castiel stopped in front of a door with a green light next to it. He opened the door, ushering Dean inside. Dean flicked on a light, gawking at the sight before him. The walls were lined with every sex toy imaginable. He definitely wanted to try a few of those out eventually. Dean licked his lips nervously, “You uh - bring a lot of guys here?”

“Actually, this is my first time as well,” Castiel admitted.

“But you knew the password.”

Castiel sat on the bed, “Every V.I.P member has their own personal password… I think Gabriel’s is lollipop.”

“Oh…” Dean trailed off, trying not to think of Gabriel and his brother in one of these rooms. Castiel patted the bed, inviting Dean to sit. Dean sat, smiling nervously. 

Castiel took Dean’s hand, “Please don’t be nervous. I’m honored you picked me for your first time. I’ll go slow and only do what you want, okay?” Dean nodded, feeling more at ease. “Tell me what you want Dean.” Dean opened his mouth, but found himself unable to speak. He was too embarrassed to give voice to what he wanted. “Do you want me to kiss you?” Castiel asked. 

“Yeah, yeah, kiss me,” Dean said softly. As soon as Castiel’s lips touched his, Dean was at ease, reaffirming his belief that he and Castiel were meant to be. Dean’s hands roamed over Castiel’s thin shirt, feeling the heat radiating off of him. He wanted that heat pressed against him and the memory of Castiel’s body seared into his flesh. He fingered the hem of Castiel’s shirt , “Can I - take off - your shirt?” he asked between kisses.

Castiel broke the kiss, panting heavily. “Dean, you can do whatever you want to me. My body is yours to explore.” Dean grinned, he liked the sound of that. He ripped off Castiel’s shirt, straddled him, and shoved him down on the bed. He looked Castiel over hungrily as he removed his own shirts, eager to finally live out his fantasies. Dean kissed Castiel deeply, grinding into him as he squeezed Castiel’s large biceps. He shivered at the knowledge that Castiel, despite being shorter than him, was more muscular and could pin him to the bed and probably have his way with him if he wanted. Dean wondered if Castiel would be open to that for next time - or if there would even be a next time. Better make the most of the present, Dean thought.

Hesitantly, Dean reached down, feeling Castiel’s erection. Adrenaline surged through him as he gently palmed it, listening to Castiel’s quiet, encouraging moans. Dean rubbed harder, trying to get Castiel to moan louder. Castiel rolled his hips, softly calling Dean’s name. Oh no - no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That would not do. Dean sat up, grinding hard into Castiel. Castiel gasped loudly as his back arched clear off the bed. Now that was more like it!

Castiel bolted up, wrapping Dean in his arms. The two rocked back and forth, kissing and grinding against each other, driving Dean into a frenzy. He tore at Castiel’s pants, plunging his hand inside. Dean grinned as he wrapped his hand around Castiel’s hot, thick, wet cock. Castiel groaned into Dean’s mouth as Dean started pumping him. Another surge of adrenaline washed over Dean, he couldn’t believe he was making out and jerking off another guy! He was almost positive he could come just from the debauchery of it - and Dean had plenty more he wanted to do. He hadn’t a clue how he was going to last. 

“Dean, Dean,” Castiel whimpered thickly as Dean broke the kiss, removing his hand. Dean shoved Castiel back down on the bed, getting off of him. Kneeling at the foot of the bed, he tugged off Castiel’s pants. Dean’s breath hitched as his eyes widened in awe. Castiel’s cock was smaller than Dean, but thicker, like the rest of his body. Dean chuckled, he picked one hell of a guy for his first time. He kissed and bit his way up Castiel’s gloriously thick thighs, leaving hickeys in his wake. Dean looked up, feeling Castiel run his fingers through his hair.

“You’ll be more comfortable on the bed,” Castiel said.

Dean felt himself blush even before he said the words, “I want to be on my knees.” He felt so dirty saying it, but not as dirty as admitting it to himself - he wanted to be on his knees in front of Castiel sucking him off like a greedy slut -because that’s what he was, a greedy slut for this man he barely knew, and he loved it. Castiel smiled down at him, playing with the ends of his hair. “What?” Dean asked self consciously.

“I like your hair.”

Dean laughed, “Really? I usually have it a lot shorter.”

Castiel shook his head, still fingering the ends. “I like this,” he repeated fondly.

“I like that, you playing with my hair,” Dean confessed, looking away shyly. His eyes settled on Castiel’s cock, glistening in the low light. Dean wasn’t nervous or apprehensive, just mostly curious. Curious about how Castiel would taste, how Castiel would feel in his mouth, how much he would enjoy this. One thing though Dean did know, never having done this, he needed a game plan; he needed to ease himself into this.

First, he would lick Castiel’s slit and see how that went, then he’d lick around the head. If that went well, then he’d take Castiel into his mouth and just hold him there, getting used to the feeling… maybe swirl his tongue around, experiment a little. And when he was comfortable with all of that, then he would actually suck Castiel’s cock and give him a blowjob. Yeah.. that sounded like a good plan. Dean leaned in, opening his mouth to stick out his tongue, but his reflexes revolted. He took Castiel into his mouth, instinctively sucking on it. 

Dean moaned softly, amazed at how good it felt. How could it feel so good on his end? He swirled his tongue, rubbing against the sensitive underside. Dean moaned louder, feeling Castiel first his hand in his hair. Ohh, that felt good too, really good, Dean thought, slowly starting to bob up and down. 

“Sor - sorry,” Castiel stuttered, releasing Dean’s hair.

Dean looked up at Castiel, sliding off of him. “For what?” he asked, kissing the side of Castiel’s head. Okay, that’s kinda fun, Dean thought.

“For grabbing your hair,” Castiel replied.

“I liked it, you can do it again,” Dean said, licking Castiel’s slit. Castiel shuttered, grabbing Dean’s hair again as he arched his back. Okay, this is pretty fun too, Dean thought grinning. He licked again, feeling Castiel fighting the urge to thrust his hips up. Dean took him back into his mouth, hoping that Castiel would fuck his mouth. That would be so fucking hot. He started bobbing faster, taking as much as Castiel as he could. He knew there was no way he could deep throat him without some practice, which bummed him out a little. Instead, Dean wrapped his hand around Castiel’s cock, stroking it while he sucked on the head.

Castiel brushed Dean’s hand away, “I can do that, I don’t want your mouth distracted. You’re really good at giving head - those little moans you do.” Dean swelled with pride, letting Castiel’s cock go. Castiel replaced Dean’s hand with his own, stroking languidly. Dean went back to licking, teasing Castiel’s head. (That really was more fun than it had any right to be, Dean thought.) His hand, now free, cradled Castiel’s sack, massaging it gently. Castiel groaned, moaning Dean’s name loudly as he tightened his grip on Dean’s hair.

Dean moaned happily, letting his mind wonder as he sucked and bobbed. He wanted Castiel to come in his mouth, but he also wanted Castiel to fuck him and come inside him, and Dean knew he couldn’t have both. It had to be one or the other, but he couldn’t decide, especially if this was to be their only time. Getting fucked would definitely be more satisfying. Maybe he should ask Castiel? He didn’t want to be a completely selfish partner.

“Dean, Dean,” Castiel panted, gently pushing Dean off of him. Dean looked up confused, did he do something wrong? Castiel’s eyes were almost completely black with arousal. “Do you have any idea how talented your mouth is? You’re a fucking natural.” Dean blushed with pride, he wasn’t even really trying, he was just zoned out, enjoying himself. "Did you want me to finish in your mouth?” Castiel asked. “You never told me what you wanted and… I don’t mean to be rude…” he trailed off smiling. 

“Um.. What do you want?” Dean asked.

Castiel shook his head. “What do you want? This is supposed to be your night, remember?” he repeated firmly.

Dean blushed, “I um… would you fuck me? I’d - I’d like that.”

“I can do that,” Castiel replied softly. He grabbed Dean, dragging him onto the bed with him. He crawled on top on Dean, nuzzling into his crotch. Dean gasped, he’d hadn’t even realized how hard he was. “Oh Dean, did you get this hard from sucking me off?” Castiel mused as he stripped Dean. 

Dean blushed, embarrassed by how aroused the question made him. “Yeah,” he croaked out. 

Castiel thumbed Dean’s slit, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have given you a hand.”

Castiel’s teasing touch was torture. “Casss,” Dean hissed, “could - could you please fuck me? I don’t think - I won’t last if you tease me and I want to come with you inside of me.”

Castiel smiled softly, “Alright Dean, I won’t tease you this time.”

“This time?” Dean asked hopefully, “Does that imply there will be a next time?”

Castiel’s smile grew, “I’d like for there to be a next time, yes.”

Dean was smiling so wide it was making his cheeks hurt, “I’d like that too.”

Castiel’s smile turned mischievous, “Good, because you’ve really just scratched the surface of gay sex. There’s a lot more to it and you’ll need someone to explore it with and I’d be more than happy to fill that position.”

“One thing at a time Cas, first I want you to fill my ass,” Dean grinned.

“Demanding, greedy little thing aren’t you?” Castiel mused, kissing Dean.

“Greedy for you,” Dean admitted shyly.

“Glad to hear that, now flip over, I need to prep you,” Castiel instructed.

“But I want to see your face.”

“Next time Dean, this is the best way for your first time.” Dean grumbled, rolling over onto his stomach. Castiel chuckled, spreading Dean’s legs, “Believe me Dean, you won’t be complaining in a minute.”

“I’m not complaining I’m -” Dean gasped, gripping the pillow in surprised pleasure, “what was that?” Castiel ignored him, licking over Dean’s hole again. He lapped at it until he felt Dean relax enough to slip his tongue inside. Dean cried out Castiel’s name, thrusting back on the hot, slick tongue. This, this was the absolute best thing he had ever felt. He didn’t care about coming on Castiel’s cock anymore, now that he knew about this.

“I want to come on your tongue, I want to come on your tongue. Fuck me with your tongue Cas, Jesus fuck this is hot. Faster Cas, can you go faster? Please? Fuck - fuck me with your tongue Cas, please,” Dean begged on the verge of tears. Castiel removed his tongue, causing Dean to whine and whimper in frustration. He was so close!

“Shhh,” Castiel soothed, “it’s okay Dean, you don’t have to beg. I’ll give you want you want." 

But I like begging, Dean wanted to say. He liked knowing Castiel knew how desperate he was for him, how much of a needy slut he was for him. Dean gasped, feeling Castiel’s tongue slide back in. Unable to control himself, Dean started to babble, "Fuck me Cas, fuck me, fuck me hard, please. I love your tongue in my ass - it’s so fucking wrong, but I love it, I love it, I -” Dean sobbed as he came, covering the comforter in thick white ropes. He must have blacked out, because the next thing he knew, Castiel was stroking his hair and applying gentle kisses to his shoulder blades. 

“Welcome back,” Castiel whispered in his ear. Dean rolled over, covered in his own come. That shouldn’t be hot, Dean thought. He pulled Castiel down for a kiss, wincing as Castiel’s thigh brushed against his sensitive spent cock.

“You can still fuck me, I didn’t mean to pass out on you,” Dean said.

Castiel grinned sheepishly, “I already came. You said you wanted to come on my tongue and you were so fucking hot fucking yourself on it like a dildo that I started touching myself and - and I came.”

Dean grinned back lazily, still in his afterglow, “I would have liked to have seen that.”

“Maybe next time,” Castiel suggested, kissing Dean.

“Mhhm, when will that be?” Dean asked.

“Whenever you want Dean, whenever you want.”


	16. The Lover After Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean struggles to adjust to life after Castiel becomes Emmanuel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated G
> 
> Song: The Lover After Me  
> Album: Affirmation

It had been seven months since Dean and Castiel parted ways. Dean was the one who insisted on it, seeing Castiel in his current state was just too painful. No, that’s right, not Castiel, Emmanuel - that’s what he called himself now. 

When Dean first discovered Castiel had somehow survived the Leviathans, he was overjoyed; he had his best friend back, his boyfriend was back! But as soon as Dean talked to Castiel, he knew something was wrong. The Leviathans had taken Castiel’s memory. He had no recollection of who he was, or what he was, or worse, who Dean was. But, it was okay, Dean could easily live with an amnesiac angel, it might even be fun trying to trigger his memory, or making Castiel fall in love with him all over again. Anything was better then thinking Castiel was dead. 

And then she showed up and changed everything. 

She had found Castiel and nursed him back to health, and in return, they had fallen in love and gotten married. Gotten married! Castiel had pulled Dean out of Hell, how could Castiel have forgotten the bond they had? It broke Dean’s heart, but he still had hope he could reach Castiel. Under her watchful, hateful gaze, Dean did everything he could think of. He told Castiel about everything they had been through - nothing. He told Castiel about their relationship - nothing. He kissed Castiel - nothing. Worse than nothing - Castiel turned his back on him and went to her, taking her hand in his.

The first month was the easiest, Dean still had hope Castiel would snap out of it and come back to him. When it became clear Castiel wasn’t coming back, Dean shut down, slipping into a deep depression. He wouldn’t leave his room and Sam had to all but force feed him. Dean lost thirty pounds. By the fourth month, his depression turned to anger. Anger at Castiel, anger at the woman, anger at God, anger at himself. It wasn’t until the six month mark that Dean was a functioning human being again; broken and numb, surviving on autopilot, just like he was before Castiel found found him. 

Dean tried not thinking about Castiel, but it was impossible - he was still in love with the angel. He hoped Cast - Emmanuel was happy with his wife. He wondered if Emmanuel’s wife was pregnant by now, and what the children would look like. Would they have their father’s striking blue eyes and sharp features? Despite his pain, Dean was happy for Emmanuel - at least he would have something Castiel never would, something Dean could never give Castiel - a family. It was a small comfort because everywhere Dean went, he was reminded of Castiel. Anything could trigger a memory of Castiel - buildings, thunderstorms, birds - it didn’t matter what, everything was saturated with the memories of Castiel and it was slowly eating him away. 

But the nights were the worst. They were cold and lonely and the hours dragged on endlessly. All Dean had to do laying in his empty bed was think about Castiel. What was Castiel doing right now? Was he sleeping? Was he settling up a nursery? Was he making love to his wife? Was he calling out her name? Dean only slept four hours most nights, purely out of exhaustion from crying himself to sleep. It was the only way he could fall asleep at night since Sam had removed all the alcohol from the house. 

Dean simply didn’t know what to do without Castiel. The angel had been his rock for the past four years. He was lost without Castiel, nothing made sense anymore, everything was pointless - him loving Castiel was pointless! It would be one thing if Castiel had left him for her with his memories of Dean still intact - then Dean would know Castiel would at least be reminded of him from time to time. But to love someone for almost four years and for them to leave you with no memory of the relationship? That just wasn’t fair! But when was anything in Dean Winchester’s life ever fair? Castiel was the only good thing in Dean’s life, and he lost it. It was ripped away from him first by the Leviathans, and then by that woman. 

Sometimes he thought about going to where Emmanuel lived and trying to trigger Castiel’s memory again, but what was the point? It could very well cause more harm then good. What if Emmanuel’s wife was pregnant? Was he really going to tear up that family like he had done to Jimmy’s? Dean knew he had to let go of Castiel - or Emmanuel - or whoever he was, but he couldn’t. He was still in love with Castiel and that would never change, they had been through too much together. And if that would never change, how could Dean possibly move on like Emmanuel had? Was this to be Dean’s fate? To ache over someone who didn’t even remember him? Dean didn’t know how long he could live like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18, Gunning Down Romance is the sequel to this.


	17. Two Beds and a Coffee Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Mary walks out on John with Dean and Sam, she sets up her new life as a single parent and runs into another newly single parent who's child takes an interest in Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated G
> 
> Song: Two Beds and a Coffee Machine  
> Album: Affirmation

Mary opened the door, checking to see if John was asleep. Tip towing into the room, she carefully picked up all the broken glass and furniture off the floor. John had come home drunk again, looking for a fight. They’d been up half the night screaming at each other, and now that John was safely asleep, it was time to get away - this time for good. Mary was a stubborn woman, she could put up with being a battered wife, but she would not tolerable John hitting her child. That was the last straw.

Mary quickly packed up her clothes and a few priceless mementos, then her children’s things, and loaded them in the car. Sam was asleep in the back seat while Dean was in the front, happily playing with his G.I. Joe. Mary smiled through her tears, wondering how Dean could be so happy after getting hit. She started the car, and headed towards Kansas City in the middle of the night.

She didn’t know how they were going to survive on their own, everything they possessed was in the car. She had enough money for maybe a week, after that, she didn’t know what she was going to do. At three in the morning, she pulled into the parking lot of a tiny motel. Checking in, she paid for two nights, hoping she would have a plan by then. 

*****

Dean awoke in a strange bed next to Sam, with no memory of how he got there. As Dean looked around the room, he realized he was in a hotel room. His parents must have gotten into another fight - it suddenly all came rushing back to him, the yelling, the glass breaking, seeing his mom fall to the floor, him rushing out to protect her, the impact of his father’s fist. Dean rubbed at his sore shoulder, wincing at the touch. He rolled up his sleeve, inspecting the black and blue mark. He had only seen those on his mom before. 

Dean’s eye caught the clock, it was almost eleven in the morning. He rolled out of bed, careful not to wake up Sam. He knew most of these places had coffee machines scattered about, and thought it would be nice to get a cup for his mom. Dean scribbled out a note, and took the room key from the night stand. 

He walked past room after room without seeing any signs of vending machines. Rounding a corner, he sighed in relief see two machines in the distance. As he got closer, a man and a boy approached. The boy put money in the machine and stood there looking at it. He hit it a few times, then looked up at the man. The man patted his head, then grabbed the machine and started shaking it back and forth. Dean froze, scared stiff. The boy bent over, pulled out something from the machine and hugged the man.

The man looked at Dean and smiled, “Are we in your way?” Dean didn’t reply, instead, he was looking at the boy who was eating a candy bar. He looked happy enough. Dean approached slowly, keeping his eye on the man. He stood in front of the coffee machine clenching his jaw. He was too short to reach anything.

“You’re a little young to be drinking coffee,” the man joked.

“It’s for my mom,” Dean replied.

“That’s nice of you… Do you need some help?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, recently handing him the quarters. 

The man pushed then in, then kneeled down to Dean’s level, “What’s your name?” Dean didn’t answer, he knew not to talk to strangers. “That’s my son, Castiel, he’s shy too,” he said, pointing to the boy. Castiel stared blankly at Dean.

“French vanilla,” Dean said.

“Your name is French vanilla?” Castiel’s dad chuckled.

“My mom likes French vanilla, can you press the French vanilla button please?” Dean asked, trying to stay polite and not upset him.

“Of course,” Castiel’s dad replied, pressing the button. A cup dropped down, and moments later, a light colored coffee started pouring out. “Castiel is ten, how old are you?” Dean side eyed Castiel’s dad, why was he asking so many questions?

“I’m eight.”

“Are you visiting long?" 

"I don’t know,” Dean replied honestly. They usually stayed at hotels for a day or two at a time. 

Castiel’s dad handed Dean the coffee, “Castiel and I are here for a few days, he and his brother like to hang out by the pool. You and your mom are more than welcome to drop by and say hello.”

“Okay,” Dean replied awkwardly, carefully taking the coffee. “Thanks for your help,” he said before walking away as fast as he could. By the time Dean returned to the hotel room, Sam was awake watching cartoons and his mom was in the shower. Dean frowned, he hope the coffee wouldn’t be too cold by the time she got to it.

*****

Mary took the boys to McDonald’s for lunch, then dropped them back off at the hotel room.

“I have to run some errands, I’ll be back before dinner, watch your brother,” Mary said, giving Dean a kiss on the cheek. Mary sighed as she walked out the door, starting her life as a single parent. She went to the office, practically begging the owner to hire her as a maid. “You wouldn’t even have to pay me, just let me and my boys stay here until we get on our feet.”

The owner gave her a once over. “I’ve been meaning to fire the current maid anyways. There’s twelve rooms including yours, but we’re never at full capacity. Hours are eleven to three, everyday. Can you start tomorrow?”

“Yes, yes, thank you,” Mary said gratefully, shaking the woman’s hand. Temporary shelter taken care of, Mary set off to find a job. She knew her best bet would be to ask for a graveyard shift at a restaurant. Two miles away, she found a Denny’s. Thankfully, she didn’t have to beg for this job. Barely an hour and she already had a job and shelter. Maybe angels are watching over me, she thought.

She fingered her wedding ring, contemplating her next move. She knew she should get a start on the divorce, but she didn’t know how she was hoping to pay for it. She rocked it back and forth on her finger deep in thought when it hit her. She drove to the nearest pawn shop and sold her wedding ring, hopping it would be enough to cover the legal fees. While she waited, she flipped through a phone book, looking for a lawyer. Finding one, she called him and made an appointment for the next day. She sighed in relief, everything was coming together so well. Only one call left to make. The welfare office kept her on hold for almost an hour (all the while the pawn shop owner glaring at her for tying up his phone) only to be told their soonest appointment wouldn’t be until Monday afternoon. It was better than nothing. She drove back to the hotel feeling somewhat at ease for the first time since she could remember.

*****

Dean jumped off the bed and ran to his mom as she walked through the door. Being cooped up his baby brother all afternoon was starting to get on his nerves.

“Hey Dean,” she smiled, picking him up, “sorry I was gone for so long. Where you and your brother good boys?” Dean nodded yes. “That’s what I like to hear. How about we go out for burgers tonight, would you like that?”

“Yeah!” Dean yelled happily.

“Are you hungry yet?”

“No.”

“I know what will work up an appetite. There’s a pool here, you wanna check it out” Mary asked.

“Pooooool!” Sam yelled happily, imitating his big brother.

“Alright, pool it is. Grab your stuff kido." 

As they approached the pool, Dean saw Castiel and Castiel’s dad. Dean made to go to Castiel, but Mary didn’t let go of his hand.

"It’s okay mom, I met they this morning. They helped me get your coffee,” Dean said. Mary held on for a second longer, then hesitantly let go. Dean walked over to Castiel who was sitting on a grassy patch, reading a book. “Hello,” he greeted. Castiel gave him the same blank stare as before.

Mary sat at a table away from the other man, keeping one eye on him and one eye on Dean while bouncing Sam on her knee. She’d become suspicious of all men because of John.

“You must be the mom, you got a great kid there,” the man smiled. Mary remained silent. “I see where he gets his strong, silent personality from.” Mary chuckled bitterly, that was John’s doing, not hers. The man tried a different approach, “I’m Chuck. That one there is Castiel, and that one is Gabriel. They’re mine,” he said, pointing out his sons. Her eyes darted to Gabriel, he looked happy - sounded happy. She looked at Castiel. He was silently watching Dean who was offering him his G.I. Joe. Mary recognized that cold, watchful silence. Maybe she and Chuck has somethings in common. Maybe she could test the waters of trust. Maybe. 

“I’m Mary. I heard you met Dean this morning, and this here is Sam,” she said, tickling him. “I see our sons have taken to each other,” she observed.

Chuck smiled, “It’s good to see Castiel interacting with another child. He’s painfully shy. So, how long are you visiting for?”

Mary sighed, “I’m not sure.” They would be there until Monday at least, but this Chuck didn’t need to know that. 

“I hope you’re here for awhile, it would be nice for Castiel to have a play mate for a few days. We’ve been here for two weeks and you’re the only other person with little kids I’ve seen,” Chuck said.

“Two weeks? Are you vacationing? I didn’t know there was enough stuff to see here to fill two weeks,” Mary huffed. 

“I’m looking for an apartment for my boys. Their mother…” Chuck trailed off. “I’m in the process of filling for divorce and petitioning for sole custody.”

Mary smiled inwardly, her intuition was right. “I’m sorry to hear that. Where are you apartment hunting? I’m think about moving here myself. More opportunities you know.” 

Chuck sighed, waving his hand, “Everywhere, anywhere. I haven’t found the right place yet. You’d think finding a two bedroom apartment wouldn’t be that hard to find.”

"What about renting a house?” Mary suggested.

Chuck thought it over, shaking his head, “What if the owners want to live in it again? Or sell it? We’d have to move all over again and I don’t want to do that to the boys. I think an apartment is still the best option.“

Mary watched the two boys play, or rather, watched Dean entertain Castiel with his G.I. Joe dolls. She was glad Dean still had some of his childhood innocents left. She hoped this wouldn’t be the only time the two could play together. Mary didn’t know what came over her. Maybe she wanted Dean and Sam to have a normal childhood - or what was left of one. Maybe she was tired of being strong for her and her boys. Maybe there was a part of her that wanted to trust this stranger and not always assume the worst of people. Maybe she wanted a new start and a new life. Maybe she just wanted a friend to talk to. Mary covered Sam’s ears playfully, but her tone was anything but. "I’m in a similar situation. I left my husband last night… the boys don’t know yet. They think we are going back home in a few days. ”

Chuck’s friendly face grew serious, “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Mary removed her hands, looking skeptically at Chuck. “Why would you want to help me? You’re practically in the same boat.” Chuck locked eyes with Mary. He has kind eyes, not at all like John’s, she thought.

“Because it’s the right thing to do. And my boys and I are actually pretty well off considering, except for the apartment. It’s not a question of affordability, it’s my neuroses. I want only perfection for them,” Chuck explained. “I’d like to help you, if I could.”

“I don’t want your pity,” Mary spat.

“I don’t pity you, and if you don’t want my help, that’s fine. You don’t trust me, I get it, and I don’t blame you - I just don’t like to see people suffer,” Chuck said.

“So you’re just doing this out of the goodness of your heart? What’s in it for you?” Mary asked suspiciously. She had learned nobody did anything out of kindness, everyone was playing an angle. 

Chuck pointed at Castiel and Dean who were laughing and chasing each other. “That. That’s what’s in it for me. Castiel has a hard time making friends at school. Your son is one of the few people I’ve seen him interact with. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him this morning at the coffee machine.” Chucked paused, “I just want my child to be happy, like any parent, that’s all. I don’t have an ulterior motive Mary. Have a little faith in humanity.”

Have a little faith, Mary thought. Did she dare? “I’m meeting with a divorce lawyer tomorrow,” she started. She knew she shouldn’t leave her children with this man - couldn’t leave her children with this stranger, but what was she going to do when she started her waitressing job? She couldn’t leave her four and eight year old alone for eight hours. Perhaps… tomorrow could be a trial run? Leave them with Chuck for an hour, hour and a half at most? Surely he couldn’t be any worse than John, could he? She looked at Gabriel splashing around in the pool, and at Castiel happily chasing after Dean. Dean grinned as he waved at her. Castiel saw this and copied him, waving at Chuck with a matching gummy smile. What’s the worse that could happen, she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a sequel to this chapter focusing on Dean and Castiel's friendship.


	18. Gunning Down Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to chapter 16, The Lover After Me.  
> Dean and Castiel are reunited after nine months apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M for suicidal thoughts and actions 
> 
> Song: Gunning Down Romance  
> Album: Affirmation

Nine months - Emmanuel could be a father by now, Dean thought numbly. He pushed the thought away; no, he promised himself he wasn’t going to think about Castiel anymore. Dean was moving on and letting go for his own sanity.

Logically, he knew he wasn’t the only one who had ever gone through a traumatic break up (as unusual as the circumstance were) and if those people could get through it, so could he. He was Dean Winchester damn it, he helped stopped the apocalypse! Getting over a guy should be a piece of cake, even if that guy was an angel of the Lord. Dean tried reading a handful of relationship/self help books, but they didn’t help. 

Sam was proud and relieved to see his brother trying to pull himself out of his autopilot funk and better himself, but seeing the self help books weren’t helping worried him. Not wanting Dean to get discouraged, he suggested a more scientific approach.

“You know Dean, technically, love and other emotions are just chemical reactions in your brain. Studies have show people in love have the same brain chemistry as people who are high on drugs. Everything you’ve been feeling, the sadness, the anger, it’s just the absence of the love drug in your system,” Sam explained.

“What are you saying? I’m detoxing, going into love withdrawals?” Dean scoffed. 

“It makes sense. You need to find an equilibrium. It’s been nine months, maybe you should get out there again, start -”

“Start what? Going to bars and picking up random chicks?” Dean sneered. “How could you even suggest that? What would that accomplish?”

“It would be a good distraction, take your mind off of him. He’s not the only fish in the sea you know,” Sam said.

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was Cas they were talking about, not some random hook up. How could anyone compare to him or what they’d gone through. Cas pulled him out of Hell for Christ’s sake. Who could possibly top that? Dean sighed defeated, the angel had ruin him for anyone else. As far as Dean was concerned, it was Castiel or no one. Letting him go and moving on was beyond his capabilities. Letting go of Castiel would be like letting go of the best part of himself… Maybe that’s what he had to do, let go of not just Castiel, but let go of everything. Just give in and let go of the pain once and for all. Dean rose quietly, leaving Sam in the kitchen. He knew what he had to do.

Dean locked the door to his bedroom and pulled out his gun from his night stand. He held the gun, looking it over, thinking about what Sam had said. Dean tried drinking the pain away, but Sam had put a stop to that, so altering his brain chemistry with drugs was out of the equation. No Cas, no drugs - no point to living. A wave of anger washed over Dean. Cas caused this, this was Castiel’s fault. Dean wished he had never met the angel, it would have made his life so much easier. Loving Cas had caused nothing but heartache and misery. To experience real, unconditional love and then to have it ripped away from him - it was nothing short of tragic. How was he supposed to love again when he knew he would always compare whatever future happiness to when he was with Cas. Dean knew he would never be free of the angel.

Dean held the gun to the side of his head. Sam would be okay, Dean thought. Sam was okay while he was in Hell, Sam would be okay after this too, maybe even better. He’d finally be free of the burden that was his older brother. Dean cocked the hammer back. I shouldn’t do this in here, it’ll be a bitch for Sam to clean this up, he thought. I shouldn’t even do it in here, where Sam will find me. I should sneak off into the woods… but he’d spend his whole life looking for me if I disappeared - better if he sees my body, Dean concluded - then it’s absolute. Guess I’ll stay right here. Should I leave a note for Sam? For Cas? Dean chuckled bitterly, wouldn’t that be a kicker? He offs himself and Cas suddenly remembers everything and comes running back to him only to find it’s too late. God, Dean hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

“Hey, assbutt,” a deep, gravelly voice said. Dean smiled, after nine months he could still hear Castiel’s voice as clear as day. “Dean,” the voice called sharply. Dean closed his eyes, savoring the sound. No one could say his name like Castiel could. Dean’s heart ached at the memories. “Dean, what are you doing?” the voice whispered sadly. Dean swore he felt a hand cup his cheek. He nuzzled into the touch, sighing contentedly. It felt so good to feel Castiel’s touch again, however imaginary. A hand cover Dean’s, pulling the gun away from his head. “Dean, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. As soon as my memory was restored I came back, and I promise, I’ll never leave you again. I love you so much.” Dean smiled, that’s exactly what he wanted to hear. “I’ll never forgive myself -”

“Shh,” Dean hushed, refusing to open his eyes, “it’s okay Cas, it’s okay, it will all be over soon.”

“Dean,” the voice reprimanded, “I’m not going to let you kill yourself. I’m here for you now. We’ll get through this together, like everything else.” Dean scoffed, it was just like imaginary Cas to try and save him. Part of the reason why he loved the angel so much - he never gave up on Dean, even when Dean had given up on himself.

Dean straightened his back and opened his eyes. He quirked an eyebrow in surprise, in nine months he’d never hallucinated Cas before. This isn’t so bad, I might be able to live with this… I’ve officially gone off the deep end, he thought. 

Castiel sat next to Dean, trapping the gun under him. Taking Dean’s face in his hands, Castiel said, “Dean, it’s me, I’m real. You’re not imagining this. I’m really here.” Dean searched Castiel’s eyes, it couldn’t be, it had to be his mind playing tricks on him. It was too good to be true.

“Cas?” Dean questioned. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean in a tight embrace, kissing anywhere he could reach.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you Dean,” Castiel repeated.

“What happened?” Dean asked, still in disbelief. Maybe this was a dream? A really fantastic, realistic dream?

Castiel shifted uncomfortably, ridden with guilt. “How much do you know?”

“When I saw you that one time, you told me you didn’t know who I was and that you worked with your wife as a healer.”

Castiel nodded, “I remember telling you she found me and nursed me back to health, but I never loved her Dean. I was grateful for what she had done and felt it was my duty and obligation to marry her because I didn’t know what else to do, but my heart was always yours.”

He never loved her, Dean thought relieved. “But, when I kissed you…" 

Castiel smiled sadly, "What was I supposed to do? A strange man comes to my home and tells me he’s my boyfriend, and then he kisses me and it makes me feel more than I’ve ever felt while kissing my wife. It was very confusing. And as much as I wanted to figure out my past with you, I didn’t know what to do about my wife. She saved me, I couldn’t just abandon her without an explanation." 

Dean could understand that. "What triggered your memory? Nine months that’s… that’s a long time.”

“I inadvertently killed a demon.”

“Oh,” Dean said disappointingly. Kissing Castiel couldn’t trigger his memory but killing a demon could - of course.

“I can’t explain it Dean, I’m just grateful every is back to normal… Are we back to normal? Will you put the gun away now?” Castiel asked.

Dean nodded, “Everything is back to normal, well, as normal as we get.” He kissed Castiel deeply, gently pushing him down onto the bed. Castiel fished out the gun from under him, put the safety back on, and set it on the night stand. Dean crawled on top of Castiel, tracing patterns in his skin. Oh he had missed this - the closeness, the intimacy, the affection. Maybe I pulled the trigger and I’m in Heaven, Dean thought hazily. He felt so warm and safe back in the angel’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, done with Savage Garden songs! On to Darren's solo stuff!


	19. Strange Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds he has a thing for Dean as a demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T for sexual suggestiveness
> 
> Song: Strange Relationship  
> Album: Spin

Since turning into a Knight of Hell, Dean had become a different person - which was no surprise to Castiel. He knew trying to maintain a relationship with Dean while looking for a cure for him would be difficult, but he wasn’t prepared for how difficult. Because the thing was, to Castiel’s surprise, he liked Dean as a demon. Dean wasn’t some soulless monster, quite the opposite in fact. Dean was happy, playful, carefree even. Castiel had never seen him so easygoing before and he loved it; but the relationship wasn’t all good. They would get into horrible fights that left Castiel feeling like he wasn’t good enough for Dean. (Why hadn’t he been able to stop Dean from turning into a demon after all? “You let this happen!” Dean had accused.)

Dean’s mood swings were unpredictable and Castiel sometimes wondered if Dean was playing mind games with him. One minute Dean would act like his old self, joking around, and the next he was flying off the handle about nothing. It was almost enough to make Castiel loose his mind. Almost, but not quite, because when the good times were good, they were so good. Good enough that they made up for Dean’s hateful accusations. Besides, Castiel knew Dean wouldn’t stay a demon forever. They’d been through tough times before - this was just another one of those times. Once Dean was human again everything would go back to normal… Castiel just hoped it wouldn’t be too soon. Despite the mood swings, there were perks to being with a fellow supernatural creature (which as much as Castiel hated to admit, he enjoyed.) Not to mention the twisted pleasure Castiel got knowing how forbidden this strange relationship was. As if carnal relations with a human wasn’t bad enough, he was now on intimate terms with a demon. A Knight of Hell no less - the baddest of the bad.

Sometimes Castiel worried Dean was right in his accusations. Had he let this happen? Had he subconsciously wanted this? They’d been together for five years already, perfect time to add a little spice to the relationship - and that’s exactly what he got. Castiel had never felt pleasure and pain like this, something so right, but it felt so terribly wrong. He was ashamed to admit he wasn’t eager to give it up. He wanted more of this strange relationship, but he knew it was out of the question. The longer Dean stayed a demon, the harder it would be to reverse the effects of the Mark of Cain. And as much as he enjoyed the novelty of Dean as a demon, he did miss his human charge; it was just nice to see Dean free from the worries of the world. He deserved this break from carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. The only thing Dean worried about anymore was how he was going to have his way with the angel; and, as much as Castiel would lament that, he knew he had to stop being selfish and buckle down in his search for a cure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping this will be a prequel to another story with some smut in it because this fic feels very rough and unfinished, but I don't know how to flush it out. I may come back to it later and add on to it.


	20. Insatiable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to chapter 1, I Want You.  
> While starting to work on a case in Arizona, Dean and Castiel relax in a hotel room to escape the heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated E for smut!
> 
> Song: Insatiable  
> Album: Spin

Night had finally fallen on the scorching Arizonan summer day. Castiel breathed a sigh of relief, he loathed the heat. In fact, he had spent the last half hour standing under the cold spray of the shower to cool down. He had planned to stand there for a shorter period of time, but Dean had joined him and proceeded to make Castiel hot all over again - not that he minded. This was the good kind of hot where his entire body was on fire due to pleasure and not from the sun, like he had spent most of the day. (The fallen angel understood now why the Winchesters rarely took cases in the southwest - it was just too damn hot! Your brain would fry if you were outside for over fifteenth minutes.)

They had arrived early that morning when it was still pleasant, but by noon they were desperately looking for a hotel room to escape the heat. They had come as a favor to another hunter who needed help with a case. Something about a ghost killing people searching for his buried treasure? They weren’t clear on the details. Hell, they weren’t even clear on how they were going to survive their time here. There was only so much investigating they could do not during peak daylight hours. The Arizona hunter reassured them the monsoons would be starting any day, helping to cut the heat. Until then, Castiel had decided he was going to spend as much time as possible submerged in water. Dean also thought this was a great idea, mostly because it gave him more chances to mess with Castiel. He had discovered Castiel was quite the fan of being fondled in the shower, and Dean meant to capitalize on that while they were here (which is exactly what he had spent the last half hour doing.)

The hotel room had a slight chill both men welcomed as they exited the bathroom. Somehow, they were hotter now then before the shower. They flopped onto the bed naked, relishing the cold air.

Dean grinned mischievously, “So ugh, you wanna fool around some more or are you too tired?”

Castiel huffed amused, “You’re insatiable, you know that?”

“Can you blame me? I’m making up for lost time here!”

A whisper of a smile graced Castiel’s lips. “True,” he replied softly. They hadn’t been together for very long, only a couple of months. They had years of affection and physical intimacy to catch up on. Castiel looked Dean up and down, “Seeing as you’re still hard, kiss me and let’s see what happens.” Dean could work with that. He rolled over on top of Castiel, kissing him gently. Castiel moaned happily, deepening the kiss. It seemed like just yesterday Dean was asking him if he wanted to kiss him. A lot had changed since then.

Dean rolled his hips, grinding against Castiel. Castiel gasped, parting his legs so Dean could lay in between them. Dean ground into Castiel again, drawing out sensuous moans from him. “I think I’m too tired to come again,” Castiel admitted sleepily in between lazy kisses.

“Oh, okay,” Dean replied, making to get off of Castiel.

Castiel gripped Dean’s bicep, “That doesn’t mean I want you stop.”

“Who’s the insatiable one now?” Dean teased.

Castiel blushed, “You know I like bottoming when I’m sleepy.”

Dean chuckled a reply, “Yeah, I know you like getting fucked to sleep.”

Castiel’s blush deepened. “It’s very soothing,” he admitted sheepishly.

“I bet it is.”

"Oh shut up and fuck me already I know you want to,” Castiel huffed.

“You get cranky when you’re sleepy, you know that? It’s adorable,” Dean mused, kissing Castiel’s jaw. “I’ll be right back.” As Dean got off the bed to get the lube, Castiel closed his eyes, sleep already starting to drift him away. “You still with me?” Dean asked rousing Castiel from his brief slumber.

Castiel smiled groggily, “This is going to feel amazing.” Dean chuckled softly, coating his fingers in the cold gel. Castiel was already so relaxed, Dean’s fingers slipped in easily. Castiel’s eyes fluttered shut as Dean stretched him open, making soft, contented noises in the back of this throat. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me yet,” Dean cooed.

Castiel opened his eyes, “I can’t help it, it feels so good,” he replied breathlessly, gently raising his hips off the bed.

“Okay, okay,” Dean whispered as he pulled his fingers out. Quickly, he slicked himself up, getting onto position. Castiel’s eyes fell back closed as Dean entered him, savoring the feeling of his lover inside of him. 

“So good,” the fallen angel muttered. Dean thrusted languidly, as not to disturb Castiel’s fragile, tranquil drowsy state. Castiel felt like he was having an out of body experience - like he was levitating over himself as Dean gently rocked him to sleep. It was the closest feeling he’d gotten to flying since losing his wings. 

If Dean came inside of him he didn’t know, Castiel was already asleep by then.

When Castiel awoke the next morning, Dean was still inside of him, snoring softly against his chest. He debated letting Dean sleep in, but with the oppressive heat here, they needed all the time they could get before the temperature hit ninety. He carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, stirring him from his sleep. “Good morning,” Castiel smiled.

Dean returned the smile, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “Morning babe.” He started to stretch, but stopped realizing he was still trapped inside of Castiel. “Sorry about that,” Dean muttered embarrassed, “I must have been more tired then I realized.”

“It’s okay, I’m just well preped for next time,” Castiel mused. Dean huffed out a laugh as he pulled out. “Mmhm, miss you already,” Castiel said, moaning at the loss. He did love the feeling of being full.

“Christ you’re kinky,” Dean laughed.

Castiel raised an eyebrow in question, “Why do you say that?”

Dean shrugged a shoulder, “Just ‘cause.” He hesitated before continuing, You know, there’s a sex toy I think you’d like.“

"Really? What is it?” Castiel asked intrigued. They hadn’t delved into toys yet and Castiel was curious about them. 

A mischievously look over came Dean’s face. “It’s a surprise. I’ll pick one up on the way back home.” Castiel sighed, feigning disappointment. “Come on,” Dean said, sitting up, “the faster we solve this case the faster I can torture you with that toy.”

“Torture me? That doesn’t sound very enjoyable.”

“It will be,” Dean winked, sashaying to the shower. Castiel rolled out of bed, quickly following after his lover. Dean turned on the shower, “Do you wanna shower together? It will save time,” he asked over his shoulder. 

Castiel smirked, “Something tells me that’s not true.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders, “suit yourself,” he said, knowing full well Castiel would join him. Dean stepped into the shower and not one second later Castiel joined him.

“We’re in the desert Dean, it’s important to conserve water,” Castiel deadpanned.

“Yes it is Cas, yes it is,” Dean said, equally as serious, stepping under the stream of water. He looked on in amusement as Castiel watched the water droplets slide down his body. Dean was starting to suspect Castiel had a water kink in general. Dean moved out of the waters way, letting Castiel rinse the morning grogginess off. The two washed their hair, successfully keeping their hands to themselves, but Dean was about to change that.

Dean took the small bar of soap and rubbed it over his chest and torso, secretly watching Castiel out of the corner of his eye to make sure he was watching him. “Wash my back?” Dean asked, handing Castiel the soap. Castiel lathered the bar in between his hands, set it down, and ran his hands up and down Dean’s back. Much to his disappointment, Castiel’s hands did not stray. Dean showered off before asking Castiel if he wanted his back washed as well.

“Only my back. We don’t have time to fool around,” Castiel said, turning around.

“I know,” Dean said, soap already in hand. He started at the top of Castiel’s shoulders, slowly working his way down as he massaged the warm, slick flesh beneath his hands. When he reached the small of Castiel’s back, his hands slid down, cupping Castiel’s ass. Castiel looked at Dean over his shoulder, feigning disapproval. “What?” Dean asked innocently, “it’s technically your back.” As Dean rubbed and squeezed, he could feel Castiel fighting to keep his hips still. That just wouldn’t do for Dean. “Now,” Dean whispered, nipping at the shell of Castiel’s ear, “if I were to come around the front -” Dean’s hand slid over Castiel’s hip, circling around his lower abdomen, “Then you could be upset with me.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, his voice thick with desire.

“Yes?” Dean asked, continuing to rub in teasing circles.

Castiel strained to get the words out, “I said we didn’t have time for fooling around.”

“We’re not fooling around, I’m washing you. I can’t help it if you get off on it.”

Castiel huffed, “Oh yeah? I suppose your cock is helping to wash my ass then?” Dean looked down. He was so wrapped up in teasing Castiel he didn’t even realize he was hard, or mindlessly rutting against Castiel’s ass. Dean smiled guiltily, he’d been teasing his boyfriend more than he thought he had. Castiel leaned forward, bracing himself against the shower wall. Sticking his ass out, he looked over his shoulder at Dean, “Might as well finish what you started.” Castiel did have horrible resolve when it came to Dean teasing him. 

Dean broke into a grin, “Might as well.” He gripped Castiel’s slick hips, teasingly nudging at his entrance. Castiel groaned, arching into the touch. He was still lose enough to where Dean could enter if he wanted to. Dean bit his lip to stop himself from thrusting into Castiel. As much as he wanted to fuck Cas in the shower, they both agreed it was too dangerous - an accident waiting to happen. Not to mention embarrassing, who ever heard of a hunter being taken out by shower sex?

Dean reached around, rubbing his thumb over Castiel’s slit. Castiel’s hips rocketed forward, desperate for more friction. Dean snaked an arm around Castiel’s waist to steady him before sliding his hand down Castiel’s cock. The slickness from the water made Castiel’s body over sensitive and he reveled in the sensation. He loved the feeling of Dean’s hands and body gliding against him. He groaned loudly, muttering things in Enochian Dean didn’t understand. It didn’t matter through, Dean knew as soon as Castiel started babbling in his mother tongue his brain had completely shut down and he was running on the most primal of human urges.

Dean pumped Castiel steadily, fighting to keep his footing as Castiel writhed against him. Castiel was so strong and so slippery it was nearly impossible for Dean to control him, reminding him of a feral animal - or a feral angel. Dean only had a second to imagine how hot that would be, to stumble upon Castiel as a wildly powerful undisciplined angel, because the next thing Dean knew, he was pinned to the shower wall with Castiel trying to devour his mouth.

Dean returned the kiss eagerly, moaning loudly as his slick cock rub against Castiel’s. Castiel kept him trapped there, rubbing against him as revenge for the teasing Dean had put him through earlier.

“How do you like it?” Castiel asked, biting Dean’s jaw.

“I like it, I like it,” Dean panted. Castiel just smirked at him. Dean let out a startled gasp as his knees almost gave out. This is new, Dean thought excitedly. Castiel had taken both their cocks in his hand and were stroking them simultaneously. Dean couldn’t believe how amazing it felt. The water raining down on him was heightening all of his senses. With one hand he guided Castiel into a kiss, and with the over, covered Castiel’s hand. Exchanging kisses, they worked together to get each other to climax. It was much like the night before, slow and sensual. Time slowed down, they were in no hurry to rush this. 

Dean was the first to come, his pleas and whimpers triggering Castiel’s own release. It was another fifteen minutes before they left the shower.

“I was right, so much for an early start,” Castiel teased as he put his shirt on. 

“Worth it,” Dean smiled, kissing Castiel. “Hey, I’ve been thinking, we could swing by the Grand Canyon on the way home. They have cabins at the North Rim we could rent for a few days. Relax, hangout, what do you think?”

“I remember when the Grand Canyon was no more then a stream,” Castiel replied fondly. “Of course I’d love to visit it with you. I haven’t seen it in person in the last 100,000 years… I wonder how much it’s changed.” Dean shook his head as he put his shoes on. Sometimes he forgot how ridiculous being with an angel was. “Oh, and um, that sex toy you mentioned this morning?” Castiel asked, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“Yeah?” Dean replied amused. 

“Could we break it in there?” Castiel asked hopefully. “I don’t know if I could wait until we got back to the bunker.” 

Dean dropped his head chuckling, “Cas you insatiable bastard.” Castiel looked away shyly, making for the door. Dean caught his hand, pulling him flush against his chest. “Tell you what, if we ever leave this this hotel room and solve this case, maybe I’ll have more than one for you to break in there,” Dean winked. 

Castiel’s face lit up. “I’d like that Dean, very much.”

“Good, now come on, time to get this show on the road,” Dean said, dragging Castiel out of the hotel room and into the sizzling Arizona sun.


	21. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to chapter 6, Santa Monica.  
> While Castiel is away on a week long business trip, it makes the two realize the depths of their feelings for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated: T for language
> 
> Song: I Miss You  
> Album: Spin

Dean was down in the dumps. Castiel’s employer had sent him to some technology convention for a week and it was only day four. Dean had secretly hoped Castiel would invite him along (he had the vacation time) but no such luck. He was a little hurt that Castiel didn’t invite him, but Dean figured it was for the best, he’d probably just be a distraction and with this being a business trip, he didn’t want to get Castiel into trouble. Still, the thought of being away from Castiel for so long fucking sucked. Since moving in with Castiel a few months ago, Dean found the absence of Castiel’s presence almost unbearable. Whenever Castiel wasn’t by his side it took everything Dean had not to fall apart. He literally couldn’t function without Castiel anymore, making Dean dread the week Castiel would be away. 

The first day, or night rather, wasn’t so bad - Dean just found it impossible to fall asleep. He missed the comfort of Castiel’s warm body pressed up against his back. The second day he had work to distract him, but the guys at the shop could tell something was wrong. Dean brushed it off saying he wasn’t feeling well, which was true. Waking up in an empty bed left him feeling very unsettled, but not as unsettled as returning to an empty house. He texted Castiel saying he missed him, hoping it didn’t come off needy.

The third day was worse. Dean was already in a bad mood from lack of sleep, and then he saw he had missed a call from Cas. Great, just fucking great. Then Dean arrived at work twenty minutes late and got his ass chewed out for it. Dean’s bad mood turned foul, leaving him unable to concentrate on his work. Thoughts of Castiel gnawed away at him throughout his shift. Was Castiel thinking about him? Did Castiel miss him as much as he missed Cas? Was Castiel upset that he missed his call? Before Dean clocked out, his boss told him not to bother coming into work the next day and to fix whatever issues he was having. That was easier said than done with his boyfriend three hundred and eighty miles away for the next four days. 

When Dean awoke the next day, he felt better, but still down. At least his week away from Castiel was half over. But as bad as it had been so far, it was helping Dean realize how much Castiel meant to him. He never wanted to be separated from Castiel again. Of course, there was really only one way to ensure that. They’d been together for little over a year now, and each day Dean found himself falling more and more in love with Castiel… 

Fifteen months wasn’t too early to be contemplating marriage, was it? They could always have a long engagement. Besides, by then they might be able to get married in places other then the Netherlands. Dean smiled, he’d always wanted a destination wedding. He’d invite Bobby and Sam and his girlfriend Jess and Castiel could invite his siblings Gabriel and Hannah… Suddenly Dean didn’t feel so down about missing Castiel anymore - not when it meant spending the rest of his life with him.

*****

Castiel was miserable. He was stuck at a work convention by himself all week and he was only half way through it. He had contemplated inviting Dean, but ultimately decided against it. He knew Dean would have been bored out of his mind, and half the panels he wouldn’t be able to attend anyways. But still, Dean could have done the tourist thing and explore San Francisco while Castiel was working. At least they would have had the nights together. Castiel sighed, he regretted not inviting Dean along. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept so badly. He had grown so accustomed to Dean’s warm, soft body against his, he couldn’t sleep without him anymore, and the lack of sleep was making him cranky. 

In fact, Castiel had been pretty cranky the moment the plane had touched down. He had forgotten what an awkward, stick in the mud he was before he met Dean. That was one of the things he loved about Dean, he made Castiel relax, not take life - or himself so seriously. Being around Dean was liberating, magical even. Yeah, Castiel was definitely regretting not inviting Dean. He missed everything about Dean. He missed Dean’s smile, Dean’s sense of humor, the special way Dean made him feel. Castiel had never missed anyone so much in his life before, so when Dean texted him he missed him, Castiel was elated. 

Since the start of their relationship, Castiel had secretly worried he was more in love with Dean then Dean was in love with him. (After all, Castiel had pretty much coned Dean into meeting him, something which Dean teased him about to this day.) It wasn’t that Dean wasn’t affectionate, quite the opposite; Castiel just felt if anything ever happened to him, or if they broke up, Dean would be okay. Dean was the strong one, not him. But that text! That wasn’t just a courtesy text! (Castiel had learned fairly quickly Dean Winchester only did what Dean Winchester wanted to do.) Dean was thinking about him, missing him even! Maybe Dean’s feeling ran deeper for him then he originally thought. It set Castiel’s soul ablaze.

Castiel waited until the next morning to call Dean. He knew Dean was an early riser (much to Castiel’s annoyance) and he had a few minutes before he had to go down to the convention floor. Castiel frowned when Dean didn’t pick up. Why didn’t Dean answer his call? Was Dean mad at him for some reason? The implications troubled Castiel, why would Dean be mad at him? For not inviting him along? Castiel had no idea Dean wanted to come along so badly. Why didn’t Dean say anything? It threw Castiel into a panic, how could he make it up to Dean? He couldn’t stand the thought of losing Dean over this.

*****

Dean waited anxiously for Castiel to appear from out of the crowd. He had a feeling his boyfriend was a little upset with him. Other then the ‘I miss you’ text he’d sent earlier in the week, he hadn’t said anything else to Castiel. He hadn’t meant to go dark on Castiel, Dean was just so busy time had gotten away from him. He was trying to plan a surprise wedding by himself, it wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to do!

The first thing he did was go out and buy matching rings. After that he tackled the passport applications - and then the real work began. Dean had spent the past few days learning everything he could about the Netherlands, locations they could get married at, cities they could visit on their honeymoon, hotels and restaurants they could stay and eat at. All Dean had left to do was cost it all out, which he wasn’t looking forward to doing. Thanks to helping to pay for Sam’s schooling, Dean didn’t have much of a savings beyond emergency funds, but Castiel had managed to saved up a nice little chunk of change. He couldn’t - wouldn’t ask Castiel to pay for everything. That would drain his entire bank account. Looked like they were going to have a long engagement after all.

Dean spotted Castiel, waving at him excitedly. Castiel didn’t look too happy, it was a good thing Dean had brought a big box of Castiel’s favorite chocolates as an apology. Castiel was too drained to smile when saw Dean waving at him. At least Dean looked happy to see him, that was a good sign. Did that mean Dean’s cold shoulder treatment was over? He hadn’t texted Castiel again after that one time. Castiel wanted to call Dean again, many times, but he was too scared. Dean had never been upset with him before. Before Castiel could think of what to say, Dean crashed into him, throwing his arms around him.

“I missed you so much!” Dean said, discreetly kissing Castiel on the cheek.

Oh, okay, that’s unexpected, Castiel thought surprised. Dean pulled away, thrusting the box of chocolates into Castiel’s chest. Okay, very unexpected, Castiel thought frowning.

Dean winced. Shit, Cas must be pissed at me, he thought. “I’m so sorry I didn’t text you more or call you, I was wrapped up in -” Dean couldn’t say planning our wedding, and he couldn’t say stuff, stuff sounded too suspicious. “I’m sorry, time just got away from me.”

Castiel wondered what could be so important that Dean didn’t have time to pick up his phone and say hello to him, but he dropped it. He didn’t want to cause problems, especially when it seemed Dean hadn’t been mad at him after all. “So, you weren’t mad at me?” Castiel ventured.

“What? No! Why would I be mad at you? I thought you were mad at me?" 

Castiel shook his head, "No, I was never mad at you. I thought you were mad at me, you didn’t take my call.”

Dean huffed, briefly resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “I slept through the call and I was already already late to work. Is that why you didn’t call again? You thought I was mad at you?”

Oh, Castiel thought lamely, this changes things. He had thought of something to make up his silence to Dean, but now that he didn’t have to do that, he wondered if he should go through with it anyways. “I thought you were giving me the silent treatment and I didn’t want to make you any more upset by calling you again.”

Dean sighed, taking one of Castiel’s luggage bags. “I’m sorry Cas, this project of mine got away from me… I’ll show it to you tonight okay?” Dean hadn’t planned on proposing so soon, but he didn’t want Castiel thinking badly of him, that he thought so little of Castiel that a project could distract him enough to forget talking to him. 

“I’d like that,” Castiel replied, curious to see what had consumed his boyfriend for the past week.

When they arrived back home, Dean forced Castiel to cuddle with him. Castiel sighed, running his hands over Dean warm, soft body. “I missed you,” he told Dean.

“I missed you too,” Dean replied, snuggling up to Castiel more.

“I regretted not bringing you,” Castiel confessed.

“Good,” Dean replied smugly, “maybe next time you’ll take me.”

Castiel shifted, looking down at Dean. “If you wanted to come so badly why didn’t you say something?”

“It wasn’t so much I wanted to go, I wanted to be with you… I don’t like being without you,” Dean said softly.

“Really?” Castiel blurted out. Dean looked at him as if to say, 'no shit.’ “I mean - you’re very independent.” Shocked by the revelation, Castiel didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around you as much as possible. Hell, sometimes - sometimes when you leave the room I want to follow you,” Dean admitted sheepishly. Castiel listened wide eyed, he had no idea about any of this. He was glad Dean was telling him this, it gave him the courage to carry out the plans he had made at the convention when he thought Dean was mad at him.

“I brought you back a few presents,” Castiel said smiling, “I know know much you like presents.”

Dean looked down shyly, he did love getting spoiled by Cas, he just wished he had the money to do the same for Cas. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said.

“I know, I wanted to do it,” Castiel replied, kissing Dean lightly on the lips. It took everything Dean had not to grab Castiel and have his way with him on the couch right there, and he would have if he hadn’t already planned out the night. Sex could come later, there were more importantly matters to attend to.

“How about you give them to me after I fix you dinner?” Dean said. “Hamburgers sound good to you?”

“How about I give them to you now?” Castiel countered.

Dean clenched his jaw, trying to keep calm. No, no, no, I’m going to make you dinner, you’re going to give me presents, and then I’m going to serve dessert and propose to you! That’s how this night is going to go, romantic dammit, Dean screamed in his head… Then again, having dinner with his fiance would be romantic too. “Okay, let me just um, I’ll be back,” Dean said, getting off the couch. He walked over to the bedroom and retrieved the wedding ring from it’s hiding place, pocketing it. 

“Now don’t be too disappointed,” Castiel said when Dean returned, “but I wasn’t able to get you very many things.”

“It’s fine Cas, I’ll love whatever you give me.” Dean reassured. 

“Alright, well, surprisingly San Francisco doesn’t have good souvenirs. I didn’t want to get you anything cheesy or cheep so this was the best I could do,” Castiel said, handing Dean something soft. Dean unfolded it and held it up. It was a green shirt that said, ‘I heart (with a symbol of a heart) S.F.’ 

“Cas, I think this is too small for me,” Dean said. Castiel smiled knowingly. “Pervert,” Dean teased. 

“Just thought I’d help your collection, if you don’t want it,” Castiel teased back, trying to take the shirt from Dean. “Now this present I got at the convention, it’s more of a house present really,” Castiel said, pulling out a large box from his luggage. 

“Thanks Cas, but… what is it?” Dean asked, looking over the box.

“It’s called a Roomba, it’s a robot vacuum,” Castiel said excitedly. Dean had no idea what that meant, but he loved how excited it made Castiel. “I’ll set it up for you tomorrow and show you how it works. It cleans under the bed, under the couch, under the table, it’s amazing!” Castiel took it, setting it aside. “Now this present, it’s actually a prototype I won, but I want you to have it. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Dean did as he was told, and felt something small placed in his hand. He opened his eyes, “It’s a cell phone,” he said flatly.

“Not just any cell phone, it’s a camera phone,” Castiel smiled.

“A camera phone?”

“You can take pictures with!”

“I can take pictures with this!?”

Castiel fingered the hem of Dean’s shirt, “You can take pictures wearing that shirt I got you and send them to me.”

“How are you going to see it without a camera phone?” Dean asked. 

“Shit, I didn’t think of that.”

“You said it was a prototype, so these should be on the market in a year or two right? I’ll send you all the dirty pictures you want when you get your own phone,” Dean smiled, kissing Castiel. “Now, can I show you the project I’ve been working on?”

“I have one last present for you,” Castiel replied.

“Fine, fine,” Dean said, hoping it didn’t come off as ungrateful. Castiel took both of Dean’s hands in his own. Okay… Dean thought. 

“Dean,” Castiel started, “I’ve spent this last week thinking a lot about you.”

“Me too,” Dean chimed in, “you, not me.”

Castiel smiled softly before continuing, “When I thought you were mad at me, it sickened me with worry.” Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel interrupted him. “Please, let me say this -” Castiel paused, he knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to say it. “You are my world Dean. I would do anything for you - I want to do everything and anything for you. I know you’re highly independent, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you and take care of you.” Before Dean could reply, Castiel got on one knee and pulled out a small box. He opened it, revealing a wedding band. “Dean Winchester, will you marry me?”

Dean sat in stunned silence, trying to process what just happened. He couldn’t believe it. Cas wants to marry me, he wants to be my husband, I’m fucking getting married, he thought in awe. “Son of a bitch,” Dean breathed. Castiel frowned, that didn’t sound promising. Another realization hit Dean, he beat me to it, he fucking beat me to it! “I’m gonna show you my project now,” Dean announced.

The declaration took Castiel back. He had just proposed and Dean didn’t even bother to answer him!? What the fuck? A wave of anger washed over him. Dean joined Castiel, kneeling on the floor. He pulled out a suspiciously similar small box. Castiel’s heart nearly stopped when Dean opened the box.

“I’ve been planning our wedding, in Holland,” Dean simply stated. “I have everything pretty much planned out, with your approval of course.” Castiel lunged at Dean, knocking him flat on his back, attacking him with kisses. “Is that - a yes - then?” Dean asked, gasping for breath. 

“Yes - yes - yes,” Castiel said, punctuation each word with a kiss. Dean laughed, kissing Castiel, trying to slip the ring on his finger. Castiel reached for his ring box, slipping the ring on Dean’s finger. Castiel kissed Dean again, “I love you future Mr. Novak - Winchester.”

“I love you too future Mr. Nov- Wait. We’re going by Winchester - Novak, not Novak - Winchester,” Dean said, sitting up.

“Why not? It should be my name first. N comes before W,” Castiel reasoned.

“Absolutely not. Winchester - Novak sounds way better than Novak - Winchester.”

Castiel shrugged his shoulders, finger his new wedding ring. “It doesn’t really matter I guess, not until we have children.”

“You want children with me?” Dean asked surprised. They’d talked about children in general, but never as in raising them together in a family unit.

“Of course I do.”

“How many do you want?”

“As many as we can afford." 

Dean smiled, he liked the sound of that.


	22. Creepin' Up on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to chapter 7, All Around Me.  
> Dean spends his days spying on Castiel until Castiel confronts him about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M for stalking and sexual situations.
> 
> Song: Creepin' Up on You  
> Album: Spin

Dean knew what he was doing was wrong - he was standing across the street, spying on Castiel. Castiel was in his favorite clothing shop, idling browsing around. Dean sighed loudly, watching Castiel fondly. He could watch Castiel all day. Actually, he had spent multiple days doing nothing but stalking Castiel.

Dean had never meant to stalk Castiel, it just, sort of happened. In the month it took Castiel to shoot his three episodes, he and Dean had become fast friends, inseparable even. But alas, the inevitable happen, filming came to an end. However, to Dean’s surprise, Castiel asked Dean if he wanted to continue hanging out, off set. They went to the movies, out to dinner, Dean had even gone over to Castiel’s house a few times! Dean couldn’t believe his good fortune, how many people became friends with their celebrity crush? And yet, after each time they hung out, Dean was a little sad. He knew he should be grateful for what he had with Castiel, but he wanted more. He wanted more than friendship, but he didn’t know how to broach the subject, or if Castiel was even into guys, or how Castiel would take it. The last thing Dean wanted was Castiel thinking he was into him because of his fame or money. So Dean kept his true feelings to himself, fantasizing about what could be.

And then, one day, Dean was driving past Castiel’s house just as Castiel was pulling out of his drive way. Dean waited for Castiel to see him, but Castiel didn’t, instead driving right past him. Dean followed Castiel to surprise him, but when Castiel parked, for some strange reason, Dean couldn’t bring himself to face Castiel. Instead, he lingered just out of sight watching the actor. Dean found he loved watching Castiel. He loved Castiel’s graceful movements, and the way he would tilt his head when he was deep in thought, or how gracious he would act when a fan recognized him. He followed Castiel for the rest of the day, and the next day, and the next day, (but not the day after that because they both had to go to work.)

And for a time, that’s how Dean’s life went - work, hanging out with Cas, spying on Cas. Sometimes Castiel would tell Dean what he was up to and where he had gone on his days off and Dean would secretly smile knowingly. However, Dean didn’t know everything. He drew the line at spying on Castiel in his house - that was creepy and Dean didn’t mean to come off as creepy. True, he was stalking Castiel, but he wasn’t doing it out of possessiveness or obsession; he just wanted to be around Castiel more than he already was.

But, sometimes Castiel made it nearly impossible for Dean not to turn into a total creep. For example, lately Castiel had taken to inviting Dean over and answering the door freshly showered wearing nothing but a towel around his hips. It would have been so easy for Dean to creep up stairs and watch Castiel get dressed with him being none the wiser. The idea drove Dean crazy as he waited down stairs for Castiel to finish dressing. All that tan, taught skin on display just for him - it sent a shiver of arousal through him.

Dean smiled at the memory as he watched Castiel hold up a shirt to his chest. It looks great on you, Dean wanted to say. Castiel put the shirt down and pulled out his phone. A second later, Dean’s cell vibrated. Dean’s smile grew when he saw it was from Castiel. Cas is thinking about me right now and he has no idea I’m across the street from him, Dean thought excitedly.

Are you free tonight? Do you want to come over? I’ll make dinner, the text read.

I’ll make dinner, Dean texted back. Dean was the better cook of the two. Castiel didn’t know how to make much beyond hard boiled eggs, spaghetti, and grilled chicken.

Dean’s cell vibrated in response. Thanks Dean. Can you come over at eight? 

Eight o'clock was the latest he’d ever been invited over, but Dean didn’t think anything of it, he had dinner for his crush to plan! See you then, Dean texted back. 

Castiel watched with a satisfied smirk as Dean walked back to his car. He thinks he’s so clever spying on me, Castiel thought smugly. He’s in for a surprise tonight.

*****

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Castiel answered the door wearing more than a towel. He ushered Dean inside who immediately went to the kitchen and started setting up the groceries he had brought with him. He was going to make Castiel a spectacular dinner tonight.

“Dean,” Castiel called out, “I’m re-decorating my living room, come tell me what you think.” Dean finished up in the kitchen and made his way to the living room.

“Um…” Dean said, trying to think of something positive to say. All the furniture had been pushed to the side except for a single chair sitting in the middle of the room. “It looks like an interrogation room,” Dean joked.

“Exactly,” Castiel replied, taking Dean’s arm and throwing him down on the chair. Dean’s heart was beating furiously. What was Castiel taking about? What was happening? “I know you’ve been stalking me Dean,” Castiel growled, towering over Dean.

Oh. OH! Dean thought in a panic.

Castiel fisted a hand in Dean’s hair pulling his head back sharply. “Why?” he demanded. 

Dean was breathing heavily, trying not to moan and to keep his hips still. He knew he’d come to regret telling Castiel while in a tipsy haze one night that he liked being roughed up in bed. His cock twitched in excitement at all the things Castiel could do to him like this.

“Why?” Castiel repeated, eyes blazing, “and don’t lie to me.”

Dean licked his lips wondering what would happen if he did lie to Castiel. Would Castiel hit him? Would he sexually torture Dean until he got the truth out of him? Dean was fully hard just thinking about it, but this wasn’t a fantasy and this was very likely going to end up with him going to jail, or worse, no longer being Castiel’s friend.

Dean dropped his eyes in shame. “I just wanted to be close to you,” he finally admitted in a small, deflated voice.

“Hanging out with me wasn’t enough for you?" 

Dean felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. "No.”

“Then why didn’t you say something?” Dean could have sworn Castiel’s voice sounded softer, gentler, but he was sure it was just his imagination trying to cope with the situation.

“I know you’re a private person and I didn’t want to intrude on you or annoy you with… with my constant company.”

Castiel released Dean’s hair, “So you thought you’d stalk me instead?”

Dean’s arousal had all but faded. “It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m sorry Cas, I knew it was wrong and I betrayed your trust. I understand if you want to press charges.”

“Why would I want to press charges?” Castiel asked, the confusion in his voice evident.

Dean’s eyes snapped up meeting Castiel’s. “Because! I was stalking you and it was wrong and against the law.”

Castiel tilted his head to the side like so many times Dean had seen him do before. “I don’t know if I’d call what you were doing stalking. The legal definition of stalking is a form of harassment generally compromised of persistent following with no legitimate reason and with the intention of harming, or as to arouse anxiety or fear or harm in the person being followed,” he quoted. “Now, I never felt harassed, or anxious, or fearful, or that I was in danger. Were me feeling those emotions ever your intention?” Castiel asked. Unable to speak from shock, Dean violently shook his head no. “If anything, I’d say they were a series of coincidences. We do live in the same city, and we do frequent the same places, it’s only a matter of time before we are in the same vicinity as one another. Besides, half the time you weren’t even watching me, you were reading a book.”

“How do you know that?” Dean was finally able to ask.

“You weren’t that good at secretly following me Dean,” Castiel said as a whisper of a smile played on his lips. “And I… might have spent just as much time watching you while you were watching me. You made it so easy. You didn’t even really try to hide yourself that well.”

“I didn’t want to come off as threatening,” Dean replied.

“Is that why you never watched me when I was at home? I was so disappointed when I figured out you only watched me when I went out. I had put on such good shows for you Dean,” Castiel said, straddling Dean’s hips. 

Dean sat up straight as his breathing turned heavy again. “Wha?” he tried to ask. Was this some sort of psychological torture? Castiel was so close to him Dean could feel his heat radiating through his clothes. Dean’s head swam with arousal. Cas was so close, and so warm, and so close…

“I even tried tempting you, answering the door in nothing but a towel, but you never took the bait,” Castiel sighed sadly.

What the fuck, Dean thought hazily as the last of his blood rushed south. “You were doing that on purpose? You son of a bitch you have no idea how hard it was for me to control myself around you!”

A faint blush crept into Castiel’s cheeks. “I had a feeling from day one that you liked me, but were waiting until the end of filming to say something. When you didn’t, I suggested we hang out. When nothing happened I figured you were shy, so I waited and when still nothing happened when I invited you over to my house, I assumed I had been wrong and you weren’t interested in me. You were so outgoing and confident with everyone else that I thought you’d be the same with making a move on me.”

Dean couldn’t believe his ears, was Castiel actually admitting that he liked him? That he wanted things to happen between them? Had wanted things to happen all along!? Dean had thought the hanging out and the movies and the house visits were all friendly gestures, nothing more. If he had known Castiel’s true feelings - oh, Dean felt like an idiot. Castiel had been waiting on him all this time when he had been waiting on Castiel! 

“I didn’t want to mess things up with us. I didn’t know how you felt about me and I didn’t want to risk anything,” Dean explained. “You’re Castiel Novak, famous successful actor and I’m… nobody; just Dean Winchester, boom mic operator. I know how much you try to stay out of the spotlight and I didn’t want you thinking I liked you just because of your fame and fortune. ”

Castiel chuckled, taking Dean’s face in his hands. “Dean, you are not nobody. You are my friend. My most special… particular friend. Maybe, hopefully, more than a friend. And, I hate to burst the fantastic bubble you have of me Dean, but I’m not that famous, nor am I rich. I’m better off than some for sure, but I think you think too highly of me.”

Dean couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading across his face. More than friends? Hesitantly, Dean put his arms around Castiel’s waist, hoping it was okay. “So um, what changed your mind? I mean, from not thinking I liked you to trying to seduce me?”

“Do you remember that concert we went to awhile back and you drank too much?” Castiel asked. 

“Yesssss,” Dean hissed out embarrassed.

“Do you remember what you told me?”

“Not much.”

“I figured as much. You told me you had a crush on one of your friends and you didn’t know what to do about it because the feelings were unrequited. I knew you were talking about me because I knew your other friends and - well - you don’t act around them like you do with me. And it also explained you following me around which thrilled me. You then went on to say you wished your crush would give you a sign if he did like you. And then… you blurted out you liked being roughed up in bed and fantasized about him doing that to you and then you passed out.”

Dean groaned in embarrassment.

“It was cute,” Castiel reassured, stroking Dean’s sides. “So after that I started pulling the towel thing. I could tell you liked it, but you still held back. I had no idea you were such a gentleman Dean,” Castiel teased. “I thought you needed a more blatant sign so… since I knew you liked to watch me…” Castiel trailed off now the embarrassed one. “I um… put on a little show for you in my bedroom." 

Dean licked his lips, as his cock twitched curiously. He would have loved to have seen those. 

"But then I realized when I saw you the next day and you weren’t flustered around me or anything that you didn’t see it. I thought you had just gone home, it was pretty late at night. So, I did it again and the same thing happened. After the third time I realized you didn’t watch me when I was at home. I was a little disappointed, but also a little relieved? I don’t know how to explain it, but the… performances got me so worked up I really wanted to show you and the only way I could think of showing you was inviting you over. I’m sorry about the theatrics and the hair pulling,” Castiel added sheepishly. “I kinda got carried away.” 

"So I guess I’m not making dinner then?” Dean smirked.

Castiel barked out a laugh. “If you really want to.”

“Naw, I think I’d rather see one of these private performances of yours,” Dean grinned. “I know how much you care about your craft and I’d hate to see all your hard work and preparation go to waste.” 

“Benefits of dating a rich and successful actor,” Castiel teased. 

“And what are some of the other benefits of dating an actor?” Dean mused. 

“I take excellent direction in bed,” Castiel purred enticingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so originally this story was going to be much longer and much kinkier with Castiel punishing Dean for stalking him. However, the more I wrote the more I realized a lot of the things that were going to happen are pretty much going to happen in the next chapter which is the sequel to chapter ten, This Side of Me which I know a few people are eagerly waiting for and I really want to go all out in that chapter so I didn't want to write similar things back to back... (This is an all around wonky chapter I know.) I'm definitely going to write a smutty sequel to this so don't worry. Not sure when that will be though... xD


	23. Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to chapter 10, This Side of Me. Chapter 15, Chained to You, takes place in the same universe, but does not have to be read in order to understand this chapter. (It's more of an Easter egg/wink then anything else.)
> 
> Dean and Castiel discuss their scene from the night before, implementing the changes in their next scene which has unexpected affects on Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated E for smut!
> 
> Song: Dirty  
> Album: Spin

Dean was curled up against Castiel on the couch with a lightweight blanket wrapped around him. He knew this was the only way he’d be able to get through reviewing the scene, and had told Castiel as much. One of Castiel’s hands was up Dean’s shirt, rubbing soothing circles against his back while the other one rested on top of a clipboard, ready to take notes.

“Can I start?” Dean asked.

“Of course, how would you like to go over this?" 

"I think… a running commentary would be the easiest,” Dean decided. He smiled nervously, he hadn’t actually done this before. The rare times he had engaged in this behavior, they were one night stands. (Not the most responsible decision on his part, but he never let the other person do too much to him.) “Um…” Dean started awkwardly. Castiel rubbed Dean’s back reassuringly. “I really liked you wearing your suit. You looked incredibly sexy.” Castiel smiled softly, jotting down the note. “But…” Dean trailed off hesitantly.

“But?” Castiel prompted.

“Next time, can you maybe, if you want to, wear a three piece suit? I’ve kinda always had a thing for them,” Dean confessed.

Castiel smiled reassuringly. “I can do that,” he replied, adding on to the note. 

“And roll up your sleeves again! That was so fucking hot,” Dean gushed. Castiel’s cheeks pinked just slightly. “I loved your dedication to the scene and not breaking character. That was - awesome. And I liked when you made me call you Sir and -” Dean stopped abruptly.

He swallowed thickly, voice shaking, unable to look at Castiel. “I really, really, liked when you talked dirty. When - when you told me you going to - to put me to - to work s-sucking your cock,” Dean stuttered as shame and embarrassment and arousal swelled within him. He was half hard from stuttering the words out. “And - and when you said I li - liked being on my knees with my mouth filled I - I do. A lot. And when you called me a slut -" 

Dean inhaled sharply. He was rock hard, leaking even, and a little worried he was going to come in his pants right there. He had no idea talking about this was going to affect him this much. He breathed heavily for a moment, trying to calm himself down.

Dean continued, feeling slightly more under control. "When you called me that it felt -” Good wasn’t the right word, neither was nice. Fantastic? No. “Euphoric. It felt euphoric. So if you could call me that some more that’d be… appreciated,” Dean finished flatly, trying to ignore the fact he’d almost just made himself come from telling Castiel he liked it when he called him a slut. “I also liked it when you told me I was a good boy,” he added hurily.

“Dean,” Castiel said softly, “do you know why you like being called a slut so much? I’m not judging, I’m just trying to get a better understanding, for your sake.”

Dean flushed. He’d spent the better part of the day wondering that himself (partly out of curiosity and partly because he knew Castiel being Castiel would ask about it.) “I think it goes back to this fantasy I used to have. Growing up - you know how I grew up - I had to be the stereotypical tough guy. I couldn’t let John suspect I was attracted to men - ever. Honestly it was a huge relief when I stopped hunting with him. Anyways, I had this fantasy where I’d sneak off to some gay bar or whatever and I’d met a guy there and somehow one thing would lead to another and…” Dean trailed off. 

Castiel rubbed Dean’s back encouragingly. “I was so desperate and wonton for the experience that, I guess I came off like a slut? I couldn’t get enough of him or the things he was doing to me, and I’d let him do anything to me. He never called me a slut, and now that I think about it, I never even thought about him calling me that… Huh, that’s weird. But that’s where I think it comes from, if that even makes any sense.”

“Acknowledgement of your repressed desires perhaps?” Castiel offered.

“That… that could be, yeah,” Dean nodded in agreement. “Of course, when I met you I replaced you with my faceless fantasy guy and,” Dean chuckled, “that’s the real reason why you weren’t allowed to pop in on me while I was in the bathroom. It was the one safe place I had where I could touch myself thinking about you and not have to worry about you catching me. Although, I fantasized about that too - a lot!” Dean giggled.

Castiel didn’t know about any of this. “When did you start fantasizing about me?” he asked curiously.

“About two seconds after you told me I should show you some respect or you’d throw my ass back in Hell. I fantasized about me saying something disrespectful back and then you’d grabbed me and force me to my knees and,” Dean sighed, smiling happily. “That’s a favorite of mine.”

“Dean, have you ever considered you might have a degradation kink?”

Dean frowned, he didn’t like that term. He didn’t like to be degraded. He didn’t like to be told he was a failure, or useless, or worthless. Castiel telling him to get on his knees and suck his cock or calling him a slut wasn’t degrading, far from it. It made him happy, it made him feel good - really, really, amazingly good and how could anything that felt that good be degrading? “The things I fantasize about, the names you call me, it’s not degrading to me. It makes me happy and it makes me feel… complete? Needed? Yeah, that’s how it makes me feel; needed because I’m being used. If you’re not using me then you don’t need me. I guess that does sound degrading, but not to me. I don’t like being treated or talked to like I’m nothing or worthless. That’s degradation to me,” Dean stated firmly.

Everything clicked into place for Castiel. To Dean, need equated to love. If Castiel wasn’t using him, then he didn’t need him, and if he didn’t need him, then he didn’t love him. He pulled Dean into a fierce hug, infinitely proud that Dean was able to articulate all of that. “I’m so proud you were able to figure that out and tell me. I understand perfectly now and Dean - ” Castiel cupped Dean’s face in his hands, staring into Dean’s eyes, “I love you and I need you more than you could ever fathom and I promise I will work on showing you how much I need you - inside and outside of the bedroom.” Dean blushed, smiling shyly at the avalanche of affection. “Do you want to continue with your commentary or do you want to take a break?” Castiel didn’t want Dean dropping on him after so big a breakthrough.

“I want to keep going… Where was I? Oh, panties! I enjoyed that - obviously,” Dean grinned. “Something I did not enjoy however was when you brought up punishment.”

Castiel winced, “I’m sorry about that. I realized my mistake as soon as I heard the panic in your voice. I shouldn’t have said punishment. I never meant to alarm you, I just didn’t know how to work in the spankings and I know some people use that as punishment and you had just called me by my name instead of Sir so I thought - I don’t know what I thought.”

Now Dean was the one doing the comforting. “It’s okay Cas, really, it was your first time, you’re bound to make some mistakes and other than that you were perfect.”

“But my mistakes could hurt you,” Castiel protested.

“I didn’t say red or safeword so no harm done. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It was a slight miscommunication which we’re addressing now so it won’t happen again, okay?” Dean said, kissing Castiel.

“Alright, so - no - punishments,” Castiel said writing it down.

“No legitimate punishments. I think I’ve been through enough of those in my life already. But, there are going to be times when I’m going to be disobedient on purpose just to rile you up and you will need to ‘punish’ me,” Dean said using air quotes, making Castiel smile. “I liked the spankings, so, maybe you could do that or delay something I want or - I don’t know, I trust you. I’m just afraid an honest punishment will trigger something and I don’t want to drop you know?”

“Of course, I understand Dean,” Castiel said, scribbling away furiously.

“And another thing, I love the idea of not being able to come until you tell me to, but I don’t think I can physically do it, so I think we should get some cock rings. That would make everything easier and better.”

“Alright,” Castiel replied, still writing.

“And ugh, I want to try a cock cage?” Castiel stopped writing and looked at Dean with wide, questioning eyes. “I also like the idea of only you being able to touch me and pleasure me,” Dean blushed, feeling himself hardening again.

“That - that,” Castiel stuttered, surprising even himself. “That sounds like a great idea.” Dean beamed, snuggling into Castiel’s chest. He fell silent, enjoying the feeling of Castiel’s chest rising and falling against his. After a few minutes, Castiel broke the silence, “Is that it? Are you finished reviewing the scene?”

“Oh! Um… The aftercare was perfect! I felt so warm and safe and loved and perfect - seriously perfect, thank you Cas, for everything that you did. It was amazing.”

A swell of pride bloomed in Castiel’s chest, “You deserve to be pampered Dean. Now, is there anything else you can think of that you’d like to try for another scene?”

Dean searched his brain, gasping in shock. “I forgot to tell you! When I was sucking you off, it could have gone on a lot longer. I wanted it to go on longer. I wanna… worship you? It might be kinda boring for you -”

Castiel cut him off, “If you enjoy doing it, it won’t be boring.”

Dean sighed in relief. “Okay, because I don’t know how long I want to draw it out for… And one more thing, I wantyoutocomeonme,” he added in a barely discernable rush. Throwing off the blanket, Dean took the clipboard from Castiel excitedly declaring it was Castiel’s turn to share.

Castiel chuckled at Dean’s enthusiasm. “Before I get to that, that fantasy you mentioned, about us in a gay bar - we could do that.

Dean scrunched his nose, shaking his head, "There are other fantasies I want to act out.”

“I didn’t mean acting it out. Every fantasy you have happens in a parallel universe. I could go looking around for which universe it’s happening in and we could visit it - if you wanted to,” Castiel said.

“That… would be… odd. Interesting? Maybe.”

“Your fantasy and the parallel reality wouldn’t be exact, but it would be close enough.”

“So wait, there’s a parallel universe where after knowing you for like a day, I swallowed your cock down?” Dean asked amused.

“Yes,” Castiel replied shyly. He had decided that was the first of Dean’s fantasies to track down. Dean huffed a laugh, wondering how different, or similar that reality would be to their own.

“Okay, now quite stalling, it’s your turn to tell me about the scene. What you liked, what you didn’t like, what you want to do differently,” Dean listed, eager to take notes of his own.

“It’s not going to be as detailed as your report,” Castiel said regretfully.

“That’s okay, whatever you can tell me,” Dean encouraged.

Castiel opened his mouth to speak, suddenly understanding why Dean was apprehensive. Talking about sex in general was one thing, but talking about the things that turned you on personally? It made Castiel feel surprisingly exposed and vulnerable. He jumped feeling Dean’s hand roaming freely across his chest. Looking down, he saw Dean smiling up at him. If Dean should share his desires, stuttering and all, then so could he.

“I liked the spontaneity of you sitting on the table. It made me… want to do things to you, but I didn’t because we hadn’t talked about them,” Castiel started awkwardly. 

“What sort of things did you want to do to me?” Dean asked, dropping his voice low and seductive trying to get Castiel to relax.

“Well, I wanted to -” Castiel stopped as a realization hit him. Dean said how much he liked it when Castiel talked dirty - could this be considered dirty talking too? Maybe he could turn Dean on again and make him come. He loved making Dean come, it was very satisfying watching him fall apart. 

“I had a number of things I wanted to do to you. I wanted to pin you to the table and tease you until you begged me to fuck you.”

Dean licked his lips, “Yeah, yeah, that’s good.”

“I wanted to throw you over the edge of the table and hold your arms behind your back while I fucked you.” Castiel could hear Dean breathing heavily. He was amazed by how a few choice words could get Dean so worked up. It was a power Castiel was quickly coming to relish. “But what I really wanted to do more than anything was ride you until I came all over you in thick, white, ropes.” Castiel had made up that last one on the spot, but with the way Dean’s eyes blew black with lust, he definitely wanted to try it. “But, since we hadn’t discussed any of that I couldn’t do it to you,” Castiel sighed wistfully for effect. 

“Well,” Dean said breathlessly, “we’ve discussed it now so you can do that to me. Any time. You want.” Dean tore his eyes away from Castiel writing something down on the clip board. 

Castiel continued his commentary, “I liked you wearing those panties quite a bit. You looked stunning hard and leaking for me trapped in them. And I meant what I said, I want to take you shopping for more of them. Later this week maybe?”

“Awesome,” Dean grinned.

“I did enjoy spanking you, very much, but it was the sight of you over my lap and reacting to the spankings that I really loved. I would have been just as happy working you with my fingers or a toy. I think I have a kink for you being over my lap? Or perhaps I just enjoy it a lot…” Castiel trailed off unsure. Dean had nearly came when he told Castiel about his kink and currently Castiel was only half hard. Shouldn’t he have the same nearly orgasmic response talking about one of his kinks? “Or maybe it’s watching you that I enjoy so much? Your struggle between obeying me and finding pleasure for yourself.” Castiel’s cock twitched sharply, surprising him. He made a mental note of it before moving on. “I was unsure of what to do when you said you wanted me to pick how you got to come because you were so adamant about wanting to choose that yourself.”

Dean nodded, “You did the right thing. I didn’t realize how overwhelmed I’d be. Overwhelmed in the best way,” he clarified quickly. “I think from now on I want you to choose for me and if I really want to finish a certain way I’ll - I’ll beg for it. I like it when you make me beg,” Dean said shyly. 

Castiel took the pen from Dean jotting down the new information. “That’s all I have to report Dean. I was a little in my head, trying to make sure I did everything right and you were enjoying yourself and that you didn’t safe word.”

Dean frowned, suddenly feeling guilty, “I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy it more.”

“No, no, I enjoyed it! It’s, it’s like you said, it was my first time and each time we do this I’ll get better and I’ll figure out what I like and please don’t be upset, please? For me?” Castiel asked hastily.

Dean lightly scratched at Castiel’s chest, “I wish there was a way I could make it up to you. Make you feel as good as you made me feel.”

“Dean, you did make me feel good. It felt good wh -” Castiel’s breath hitched as one of Dean’s fingernails dragged across his nipple, bringing it to attention. “When you -” Dean did it again. “When you were sucking me - Dean that’s really distracting,” Castiel breathed. 

“What? This?” Dean asked innocently, rubbing his thumbs against Castiel’s nipples.

“Yes! That! Very distracting. Makes it hard to concentrate,” Castiel said, also finding it hard to keep his voice steady. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, you were saying?” Dean asked, taking his hands away.

“I was saying how good you made me feel when you were - Dean, Dean,” Castiel gasped.

“When I was sucking you off?” Dean asked casually as he rolled Castiel’s pert nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

“Yes, yes, that,” Castiel breathed.

“How good did I make you feel?" 

"Good, good, so FUCKING good, so fucking good you don’t even knoooow,” Castiel moaned as his nipples were pinched and pulled on. Dean was smiling like an idiot playing the angel like a fiddle. Ripping off Castiel’s t-shirt, Dean latched on to a nipple with his mouth, flicking it with his tongue. Castiel’s back arched completely off the couch, almost throwing Dean off. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you had sensitive nipples?” Dean asked, pulling on the nub with his teeth. Castiel was writhing under him, alternating between scratching at his back and keeping his head in place. Dean paused, letting the nub slip between his teeth. (Castiel whined, actually whined in protest.) The better question was why hadn’t he noticed? He’d only been sleeping with Castiel for the past three and a half months. With a reaction as strong as this Dean should have noticed it instantly.

“Dean, Dean, why’d you stop?”

Castiel’s pleas pulled Dean from his guilty thoughts. He’d make up for it now and forever. He looked up at Castiel, surprised at how debauched he looked. He wondered if he looked similar after a few minutes of being in Castiel’s hands. Dean went back to flicking, and biting, and sucking, pulling the most incredible sounds out of Castiel. 

Dean’s mouth was hot and wet and wonderful and Castiel needed a hand on his cock right fucking now! He shuffled under Dean, popping the button to his jeans. The zipper was halfway down when Dean caught his wrist.

“What?” Castiel asked thickly. 

“I know what will make you feel even better than this!” Dean said excitedly.

“Better than this? Dean, I already feel amazing I don’t think I can feel better than this!" 

Dean blushed at the enthusiastic praise. "I have to get something, but I’ll be back in a flash.” He sprang to feet yelling, “and don’t touch yourself!” before bolting to the laundry room. Castiel sat there hard and frustrated, waiting for his boyfriend to return. Dean was not back in a flash much to the angel’s annoyance, but he was back as fast as humanly possible, so Castiel wasn’t too irritated. Carefully, Dean helped Castiel remove his jeans and boxers. Castiel’s leaking cock sprang free, swollen with want. Perfect. 

Dean held up the items he went to retrieve.

“Clothespins?” Castiel asked, looking at them skeptically. 

“Just trust me, okay?” Dean said. 

“You know I trust you.” Dean smiled and leaned in, clamping one of Castiel’s nipples. Castiel’s surprised gasp turned into a torturous moan as his brain tried to process the pleasurable pain. Dean looked down at Castiel’s cock just in time to see a steady trickle of pre-cum ooze out. Dean clamped the other nipple and the same thing happened. 

Castiel’s back was against the arm rest, so it was a bit of an awkward position, but Dean laid in between Castiel’s legs licking Castiel’s cock from base to tip gathering up the glistening liquid. Castiel shuttered, blindly groping for Dean’s head. Dean kissed the crown of Castiel’s head before sucking it into his mouth. Castiel’s hips bucked up as his fingers firmly gripped Dean’s hair. Dean swirled his tongue, bobbing his head slightly as he worked. He moaned as he sucked, already looking forward to the next time he would be doing this. He would go slow, taking his time licking Castiel like an ice cream cone. He moaned happily at that idea when Castiel’s fingers tightened even harder and his back arched, spilling into Dean’s mouth.

Dean swallowed everything before sitting up and looking Castiel over. The angel’s eyes were closed and his heaving chest was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. That’s better, Dean thought satisfied with himself. He leaned forward, unclamping one of the clothespins. Castiel’s eyes fluttered open as he let out a pained moan.

“I know, I know,” Dean said sympathetically, “but they have to come off or they could cause damage… Actually, since your not human I don’t know if that’s true…. Now that I think about, it I’m surprised these worked at all,” Dean mused removing the other one. As he set the clothespins down on the coffee table, something brushed against his stomach. Dean looked down. Oh. Right.

The blessing and the curse of being with an angel - no refractory period. Castiel was half hard again.

“You don’t - have to - you already did - so much,” Castiel struggled to get out. Dean had never seen Castiel this fucked out before and was determined to keep him like this for as long as possible. (And just maybe Castiel would get revenge on him during their next scene.) Dean pulled Castiel down flat on the couch and crawled on top of him, giving Castiel’s nipple an experimental suck. 

“DeanDeanDeanDeanDean,” Castiel chanted breathlessly. Dean huffed against Castiel’s chest, how could he stop after hearing that? Reaching down, he took Castiel’s fully hard cock in his hand and proceeded to tease his angelic boyfriend for the next hour.

*****

It took two agonizingly long weeks for Castiel to plan his pay back on Dean. Actually, it only took Castiel four days; the rest of the time was devoted to gathering supplies and building up Dean’s anticipation. Castiel would smirk, eyeing Dean up and down and say things like, “just you wait,” or, “the things I have planned for you.” So, by the time Castiel told Dean they’d do their scene that day, Dean was besides himself with excitement. He could barely contain himself as Castiel put the cock cage on him. “I left a present for you on the dresser. I want you to wear it and wait for me in here, understand?” Castiel asked, pocketing the keys of the cage.

“Yes Sir, thank you for the present Sir,” Dean smiled.

Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead, “You’re welcome Dean, I hope you like it.”

Castiel left, leaving Dean alone in the bedroom. Dean went over to the full length mirror inspecting himself. He smiled shyly, fingering the cage. His cock was no longer his own, it belonged to his Sir now, to do whatever he wanted with. The thought exhilarated him. Dean went over to the dresser and found a small box. Opening it, he pulled out the present. It was a pair of silky blue panties. Dean put them on and inspected himself in the mirror again. The cage stretched out the delicate material, but it made Dean’s bulge look huge. Something he was sure Castiel would appreciate.

Dean sat on the bed, wondering how long he would have to wait for Castiel. Not too long he hoped. The minutes dragged on and on, and on with Dean becoming ever more anxious. It wouldn’t be so bad if he only knew how long he’d been waiting for. Each minute that passed was a minute closer to Castiel he reminded himself. He could be a good boy, he would wait patiently for Castiel.

Castiel finally appeared, and it was worth the wait. He was leaning by the door frame, arms crossed, sleeves rolled up. As his arms fell and he approached Dean, Dean saw he was wearing a vest the exact same color as his panties. It made Dean slide off the bed and wait for Castiel on his knees. 

Castiel smiled at Dean’s sign of respect. It wasn’t the kind of respect he had meant all those years ago in Bobby’s kitchen, but it would do, it would do nicely. “Stand up Dean, let me see you,” he commanded softly. Dean rose, back straight, hands behind his back. Castiel looked Dean up and down, palming the cage. “So obedient,” Castiel mused, “do you want me to take this off and touch you?”

“Yes please, Sir,” Dean replied.

“If you’re very good, maybe I’ll remove it.”

“I’ll be so good for you Sir, you won’t be disappointed.”

“Show me.”

Dean’s voice turned breathy, “How - how should I show you Sir?”

“You tell me. What do you think you’d have to do to earn that cage off of you and for me to touch you?" 

"Whatever Sir wants?” Dean asked hopefully. Castiel swallowed his sigh, Dean wanted to please him so badly Castiel was afraid he’d ignore his wants and needs. Castiel knew Dean did get vast enjoyment from pleasuring him, but he also knew there were some acts Dean preferred over others. The scene wasn’t all about what Castiel wanted, and he had to remind Dean of that.

“Dean, I want you to tell me how YOU think you will earn it off,” Castiel said firmly. He could tell Dean was searching his eyes for the right answer. “There’s no wrong answer Dean,” he said in a softer voice. A smile of relief momentarily flashed across Dean’s face before sinking to his knees.

“I want to worship your cock,” Dean said, looking up with pleading eyes.

Castiel’s cock twitched at the blasphemy. He was only an angel, he shouldn’t be worshipped, and yet he wanted to be. He loved how Dean looked up at him so reverently, as if pleasuring him was the key to Dean’s salvation. Castiel freed his half hard cock, keeping it just out of Dean’s reach. “Why do you want to worship it?” he asked.

Dean stared at it as if it was the most fascinating and beautiful thing he’ d ever seen. “Because… it makes me happy,” Dean said, truthfully. “I love the feel of it in my mouth, the weight of it on my tongue. I love the sensation of sucking on it, feeling it slide in and out of my mouth. I love swallowing it, feeling it fill my throat.”

Castiel groaned, feeling himself fully harden. He had no idea he’d love hearing Dean gush about how much he loved being used. He cradled the back of Dean’s head in his hand asking, “You’re just a slut for my cock aren’t you?” 

“Yes Sir,” Dean whimpered loudly, licking his lips. 

“Do you want a taste?”

“Yes Sir, please Sir, I’d love a taste of you,” Dean said breathlessness.

“Since you’ve said such nice things,” Castiel said, rubbing his head against Dean’s lips. 

Dean moaned, mouthing at Castiel’s head, “I love this. I love the feeling of your head against my lips. It’s so soft, so soft and perfect. And you taste so good Cas.” Castiel allowed the slip. He liked hearing Dean say his name, it meant Dean was truly enjoying himself. “May I have some more Sir? Please?” Dean asked hopefully. 

A wave of arousal coursed through Castiel. Oh, he liked Dean asking for things. How could he say no when Dean asked so sweetly? “Of course you can have more Dean, you can have have much as you want,” Castiel answered thickly. He pushed past Dean’s lips, watching as they expanded around him. Dean looked up at him as he suckled teasingly on the head. “Why the fuck did you think I’d find this boring?” Castiel suddenly blurted out. He didn’t wait for an answer, instead thrusting shallowly into Dean’s mouth.

Dean swallowed more of Castiel, but Castiel put a hand on his shoulder stopping him. “Just the head, just the head,” Castiel breathed as his hips continued to rock. Dean did as he was told, pouring all of his attention on Castiel’s head. He licked and he sucked, trying his best to please his Sir. “So good, you’re doing so good Dean,” Castiel groaned, starting to stroke himself. 

“I can do that for you Sir,” Dean offered.

“No, no, I want you sucking. Be a good boy and suck,” Castiel said, pumping himself faster. Dean returned to sucking as Castiel thrusted harder as his breathing grew heavier. “You’re doing such a good job, you’re gonna make me come.” Dean moaned happily, making Castiel arch on his tip toes, slipping out of Dean’s mouth. Castiel continued fisting himself as Dean chased after Castiel’s cock, but Castiel didn’t want to come in Dean’s mouth anymore.

Castiel gripped Dean’s shoulder tightly, holding Dean in place as he watched Castiel jerked off. Dean palmed at the cage, wishing he could touch himself. That sight combined with the desperate whining noises Dean was making was enough to send Castiel over the edge. He came on Dean’s chest, painting it white. As Castiel looked up at Dean’s face, he noticed a strange smile, like Dean had just stolen candy from a baby, or had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Thank you Sir,” Dean said, still smiling. 

The words went straight to Castiel’s cock, instantly becoming hard again. Did Dean really just thank me for coming on him, Castiel thought in disbelief. It was unbelievably hot. “Say that again,” Castiel demanded, stroking himself.

“Thank you for coming on me Sir, please come on me again Sir,” Dean replied. Castiel groaned low in his throat, speeding up his strokes. Why did Dean asking for things turn him on so much? “Please come on me again, I love it when you come on me Sir,” Dean said sweetly. Castiel came hard, much harder than before, making sure to cover whatever spots he missed the first time. Unable to hold himself up, Castiel sank to his knees, joining Dean on the floor.

He fisted his hand in Dean’s hair, pulling him into a kiss. The kiss was wet and sloppy, not like Castiel at all. The angel needed to regain control of himself. “You did so good Dean,” he praised, reaching into Dean’s panties. “Let’s get this off you,” he said, removing Dean’s cage with his grace. Dean breathed a sigh of relief as blood flooded his cock. Castiel lightly stroked Dean until he was fully hard.

“You came on me,” Dean said dreamily.

“I did, did you like that?" 

"Yes.”

“Good. I liked coming on you,” Castiel confessed, stroking Dean harder. “I liked marking what’s mine. You are mine, aren’t you Dean?”

“Yes, yes, I’m yours, only yours,” Dean moaned.

“My slut to do whatever I want with,” Castiel growled, pumping Dean faster.

“Cas, Cas,” Dean gasped as he shuttered, signaling his impending orgasm. Castiel released Dean, who’s hips bucked into the empty air. He looked up at Castiel confused. “I said if you were a good boy I’d remove the cage, not that I would let you come… Aww, don’t pout Dean. I’ll let you come in a bit when I’m done with you. Until then, I’m going to put this on you,” Castiel said, slipping on a cock ring. “How’s that? That okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Dean replied as Castiel adjusted his panties.

“Yeah?” Castiel asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean yes Sir, sorry Sir.”

“That’s better. You look so handsome Dean, let’s get you cleaned up,” Castiel said. He ran two fingers through the come on Dean’s chest and held it up to Dean’s lips. Dean blushed deeply, opening his mouth slowly. He wrapped his lips around Castiel’s fingers, sucking them clean. Castiel gathered up more come, presenting it to Dean. Dean sucked them clean again. They did this over and over again until Dean was completely clean. 

“Get on the bed,” Castiel instructed. Dean laid on the bed watching as Castiel stripped off his clothes. Castiel went slow, teasing Dean, folding his clothes in a neat pile as he went. He also removed Dean’s panties, folding them as well and putting them on top of his pile of clothes. He set them on top of the dresser allowing Dean’s eyes to linger over his naked body.

Castiel crawled onto the bed, kissing and nipping his way up Dean’s body. “So beautiful, so handsome, so wonderfully mine,” he growled into Dean’s skin. “This is mine,” Castiel said kissing the inside of Dean’s thigh. “And this is most definitely mine, it doesn’t belong to you anymore,” the angel said, in between peppering Dean’s cock with kisses.

“Yes Sir, it’s yours Sir,” Dean said, trying to keep his hips still.

“And this is mine,” Castiel continued, kissing just below Dean’s naval. “And this is mine,” he said, kissing Dean’s rib. “And I hope this is mine as well,” Castiel said, kissing over Dean’s heart.

Something broke in Dean at that moment. “It’s yours Cas, it’s yours, it’s always been yours, I’ve never wanted it to be anyone’s elses.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Castiel replied, kissing Dean lightly on the lips.

“It’s the truth,” Dean kissed back breathlessly. Castiel rolled his hips, grinding against Dean. Dean gasped, arching his back and running his nails down Castiel’s back.

“What do you want Dean? Tell me,” Castiel said, grinding into him again.

“I want you to - to use me.”

“How do you want me to use me?”

“You know how,” Dean whined, thrusting his hips up.

“You want me to fuck you?” Castiel asked, nipping at Dean’s ear.

“Yesss,” Dean hissed, “would you please fuck me Sir?” There Dean went again, sweetly asking for things. 

“I will Dean, I will, you’ve been such a good boy for me, but first I want you to do something.”

“What? Anything.” 

Castiel paused before answering, they hadn’t exactly talked about this, but it was something he thought Dean would enjoy. “I want you to show me how you touch yourself when you fantasize about me.” Dean’s eyes went the size of saucers. “Color?” Castiel asked.

“Green, green, so fucking green,” Dean assured, “I need the lube in the side table.” Castiel retrieved the bottle which Dean practically tore from Castiel’s hand. Castiel sat at the foot of the bed, eager to watch Dean’s ritual. Dean slicked up two fingers on his left hand and the palm of his right hand before tossing the bottle. He lightly wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it with feather light touches, alternating between that and thumbing his head. He moaned softly as he stuck one finger, and then a second inside of himself.

“What are you thinking off?” Castiel asked when he noticed Dean’s eyes were closed.

“You,” Dean breathed in reply. “I’m thinking of your smile, and your eyes, and how you feel inside of me.” Dean opened his eyes, “This doesn’t feel anywhere near as good through,” he admitted, slowly working himself open. “I like the feel of your cock stretching me open.”

“I know, and I’ll be inside of you soon,” Castiel said. Dean’s hand quickened at that. 

“I haven’t done this in a while, I’m a little out of practice,” Dean huffed, trying to get his fingers to go deeper. “I haven’t used my fingers in ages.”

“Oh?” Castiel replied surprised.

“I um… I bought a toy awhile back and have been using that ever since - before us,” Dean said.

“You never told me about that,” Castiel said intrigued, “what is it?”

A blush swept over Dean’s entire body. “It’s a blue dildo. I got it because it reminded me of you. I’d use that and pretend it was you,” Dean confessed, pumping himself harder. “Sometimes I’d imagine you were fucking me, sometimes I’d imagine you caught me fucking myself with it and you’d just watch like you are now, or you’d tease me, fucking me with it.”

Castiel palmed his own erection, “You like me watching you?” 

“Yeah,” Dean smiled. 

“Do you want me to get the toy so you can show me?" 

"No, I’d - I’d rather use your cock, if you’d let me Sir.”

Castiel groaned, his weakness had officially become Dean asking for things. “You want to use my cock to fuck yourself on?" 

Dean’s hips lifted off the bed as his fingers slid deeper inside. "Yes Sir, please Sir, if you’d let me,” Dean gasped.

“Alright,” Castiel whispered, giving in to his boyfriend. Dean removed his fingers and Castiel slowly entered while Dean pumped himself furiously, moaning Castiel’s name. The sight went straight to Castiel’s cock and he couldn’t help but thrust just a little. 

A cry broke from Dean’s lips as his back arched off the bed, “Cas, Cas, fuck me.”

"You said you wanted to fuck yourself on my cock and that’s exactly what you’re going to do,” Castiel replied, remaining still.

“Cassss,” Dean whined, rolling his hips. He moaned and writhed, trying to find his rhythm, but it was difficult in his current position. Castiel drank in the sight hungrily, loving how Dean was working so hard trying to get himself off on his cock. Tears formed in Dean’s eyes as he became more and more frustrated. “Cas, please, I need your help here. I want to come, I need to come.”

Castiel took some pity on Dean, finally removing the cock ring. “You want to come or you need to come, which is it?” he asked.

“I need to, I need to,” Dean almost sobbed. Castiel had reached his breaking point as much as Dean had. Grabbing Dean’s ankles, he threw Dean’s legs over his shoulders. All he wanted to do was fuck into Dean for a few glorious minutes. As soon as Castiel started thrusting into Dean, Dean’s hand flew to his cock, pumping himself furiously. It drove Castiel wild with lust, slamming into him over and over again. Dean didn’t last long with Castiel’s unrelenting pace, coming all over himself. The sight drove Castiel over the edge, coming for a third time. He continued to thrust into Dean, riding out their orgasms together. Just as Dean had done earlier, Castiel licked Dean clean, all the while Dean making happy, satisfied little noises and running his hand through Castiel’s hair.

“How are you?” Castiel asked when he was finished cleaning.

Dean sighed deeply, “Amazing. You?”

“I’m good. Do you want your sandwich?” Castiel asked.

“Yes please,” Dean smiled. He’d made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before their scene, just in case he was extra hungry afterwards.

“Alright, you stay here,” Castiel said kissing Dean on the forehead and wrapping him in a blanket, “I’ll be right back.” Unlike last time, Castiel walked to the kitchen, giving him time to think about the scene. Overall, he thought it went well, he had thoroughly enjoyed everything that happened in the scene. He’d definitely have more to report when they went over it the next day. He grabbed Dean’s sandwich and a tall glass of milk, returning to the bedroom. Dean broke into a wide smile seeing Castiel, reaching out for his sandwich.

“I’d offer you some, but -” Dean mused. 

“It would just taste like molecules to me,” Castiel finished. 

He watched as Dean happily munched away, suddenly overcome by a wave of guilt. That’s right, I’m an angel, Castiel reminded himself. My job is to take care of Dean, not enjoying degrading him. Making him kneel before me - worshiping me even - sucking my cock while calling him a slut and then coming on him. And forcing him to say how much he liked it. Castiel felt sick. What have I done, he thought horrified. 

“Cas, you okay?” Dean asked, “you’re kinda quiet.” 

“I’m - I’m fine,” Castiel said, voice strained.

“Cas, look at me,” Dean said firmly, setting his food down. Castiel couldn’t, he couldn’t face Dean after what he had done to him. “Cas,” Dean said softly, turning Castiel’s face towards him. “Oh Cas,” Dean sighed sadly as tears ran down Castiel’s face. He pulled Castiel into a tight hug which Castiel did not return. Dean felt horrible, he was so focused on himself not dropping he hadn’t even considered Cas dropping. “Cas, honey what’s wrong, talk to me,” Dean pleaded, wiping Castiel’s tears away.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel replied softly. 

“Sorry for what?” Dean asked baffled.

“I’m sorry for everything that I did to you.” 

“Cas, listen to me, this is very important,” Dean said, making sure the angel was looking at him, “everything you did to me, I asked you to do -”

“Not the touching yourself bit,” Castiel interrupted. 

“No, but you asked for my color and it was a fairly tame request considering I’ve touched myself in front of you before. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about what you did to me. You hear me? I asked for it, I wanted it, I enjoyed it.”

“I know you wanted it, but…”

“But what?”

“I enjoyed doing those things to you,” Castiel whispered, ashamed of himself. 

“That’s good! Cas, that’s a good thing that you enjoyed yourself,” Dean reassured. 

“No it’s not! I liked hearing you ask to suck my cock. I liked coming on you! I liked calling you mine - as if you belonged to me!? What kind of angel - what kind of lover does that make me?”

“It makes you the best kind of lover Cas. We share the same kink, consensual power play. Here, let me ask you this - if I told you not to come on me, would you still have?”

“No, of course not.”

“You only did it because I asked you.”

“Correct.”

“So was it the act you enjoyed, or the fact that you were doing something you knew I would find pleasurable?” Castiel tilted his head, he hadn’t thought of it like that. Everything he had done to Dean was aimed to bring him pleasure, and if the roles were reversed, he’d tell Dean there was no shame in enjoying that. “If you enjoyed doing something that wasn’t consensual, then yeah, you should feel guilty and we’d have a problem; but it sounds to me you like consensual power play. I gave up my power to you of my own free will, you didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying what you did to me, or said to me which was -” Dean grinned from ear to ear unable to finish his sentence. 

“I do love making you feel good,” Castiel admitted, “I’d do anything you wanted if you got enjoyment from it.”

“See! And you did! You made me feel loved and needed, just what I wanted. You did such a good job Cas and I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. I would feel guilty knowing I was making you do things to me you were uncomfortable with. I’d never want you doing something you were uncomfortable with. It works both ways you know,” Dean smiled, hoping he had gotten through to Cas and stopped him from dropping any more. “We’ll talk more about this tomorrow, okay? I don’t want you going through this again.” 

Castiel nodded, “Yes, I think that’s a good idea, I’m a little drained, emotionally. I wasn’t expecting all these emotions to come crashing down on me so suddenly. We’ll figure it out tomorrow, together.”

Dean smiled sympathetically, “That’s why it’s called dropping. How do you feel now?” 

Castiel smiled, “Better, relieved, thank you Dean.”

“Good. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Can I be the little spoon tonight?”

Dean smiled, “You got it babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got an idea for a sequel for this... just need to find the right song...


End file.
